It was hot....

The sweat dripped down her back....
It felt almost like a snake....a serpent....
crawling...oily......invasive....
The heat had overtaken her mood....
It had destroyed any "light hearted" possibilities.....
and GOD knew,in any case, those were few and far between....

She needed water.....a sense of dehydration had set in...
The water in the kitchen was room temperature....NOT refrigerated....
Damn.....
Shed taken that whole CONGEALING FAT thing way too far.....
She needed cold.....

Her eyes itched from the extensive pollen intake of the day.....
Shed scratch them right out of her head if she could....

All in all....
she was one miserable woman at this moment.......
The fierce elements had attacked her very sense of self....
It was, as if, 
she were observing herself from on high.....
noticing her own parched, allergic shell...

Sleep.....She needed sleep....
and Benadryl....
not necessarily in that order.....

A Chocolate Covered Life....

NO vanilla here....
What more can we hope for ...
 in this curious existence of ours ?
Chocolate covered scenarios....
Deeply, Darkly RICH....
filling.....
But missing just that hint of 'high fructose corn syrup'.......:}
And yet.....
We were indeed FREED from Egypt.....from Oppression....
Indeed.....
To the extent that.....(all metaphor aside)...
WE PARTED THE SEA.....
Yes, we did !!
But what awaited us on the other side ?
No pestilence,,,,No vermin,,,,
JUST MATZOH....
flat,,,,dry,,,,pock-marked MATZOH....
And guess what ?
WE LEARNED TO LIKE IT....
because, after all,,,,,
We were free now.....
no more slavery.....
no more bricks and mortar on our frail, sun-burnt shoulders...
QUARANTINED for 40 YEARS .....
Did we bring our Seder plates with us ?
Was JESUS at the meal ?
Were there peanuts back then ?
a swimming pool filled to the brim....
with MILK AND HONEY.....
Toss THIS concept around as you pack up those Passover dishes....
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS>>>>
ARE WE TRULY FREE ??

Here's the long and short of the story......

Leopards do NOT change their spots !!
There are moments...granted...
when they can SEEM almost 'SWEET'....
and even against ALL of the nay saying voices in your head...
the red flags,,,,,the private shuttering......
you can STILL be SUCKED IN......
BIG TIME !!
But here's the thing.....
None of it really matters !!
Because the long, drawn out, existential quagmire continues.....still and all.....
and THEY still have to live with their PERSONAL 'YUCKY NESS'....forever !!
and YOU get to walk away !!
So next time.....
when you are situating and allowing those GRAND EXPECTATIONS of yours to live....
(ie. expecting sleaze balls to behave like PRINCES!)
GUESS AGAIN, WATSON !
Re BOOT....
Re connoiter......
Re EXAMINE....the very SOURCE of those FANTASIES which you SEEM to hold so dear.....
and you will surely find.....
that it was all PURE FLUFF anyway !
The PROOF, as always, will be in the 'KOSHER FOR PASSOVER' pudding !!!
OK ???

Our dog was the sweetest, gentlest animal....

When we brought Brendan home from the hospital as a newborn, Hampton was there....
awaiting his arrival....
It was almost as if he were HER baby.....
She would run into my room whenever he sneezed or coughed,
just to let me know...
just to make sure that the baby was OK....
She  would stare at me with those soulful eyes,
those LOVING eyes,
 morning and night.....
We were her whole life....
We were her Family...
And then....
just like that, it seems....
she grew old....
It happened in what seemed like a heartbeat.....
But in truth,
I can't even remember a time without her....
Unconditional love.....
PROFOUND, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE......
May the sweet 'Hampton Schneier' rest in peace....
She will be missed always.....

Now THIS is funny.....

So....
 I went to visit my mom today in Queens....
And you basically need to go through Manhattan from Jersey in order to get there...
On the way back, I figured I'd put the navigation system on and see if there's
some "better way" to get from Queens back to Jersey...
OK?
Copy that ?
**note that I was in a bit of a hurry, as I needed to pick Brendan up from school...
So....
The thing sends me ALL the way clear to "Yenem's Velt" (Yiddish for the "other world")
and I'm making  my "laborious" way down through the Bronx
when I hit the WHITESTONE BRIDGE!!!
WHY ON EARTH I was sent SO far North is totally beyond me.....
Nonetheless....
This was where I was led......
So....
lo and behold.....
there was a TOLL at the end of this bridge...
OK.....
Big deal, right ?
But,my friends.......
 it turns out that I'd spent EVERY cent I had in CASH at the gas station in Queens...
(not realizing that I had spent my last dime!)
OK...
not so  bad, right ?
WRONG!!!
I decided,
(filibustering),
that Id simply SNEAK through the EZPASS Lane this one, little time....
OK...OK....
so I dont have EZPASS.....
What could the harm be ?
Right ???
WRONG AGAIN, MIDAS !!!
The BIG, IRON Pole came swooping down, blocking me from driving through.....
Now....
I was kinda F**Ked....
cause a BIG COP was coming toward me......
and I had NO CASH.....
and NO EZPASS  !!!!
I said to myself,
"Gotesman Schneier, youve dealt with FAR worse things !   You can handle this !"
So...I roll down the window, and the cop says,
"Wheres your EZPASS?"
and I go,
"Uhhh... I dont have one...uhhhh...the NAVIGATION told me to come this way!"
and he says,
"Lemme get this straight, Lady...
The Navigation System told you to GET IN THE EZPASS LANE  ??!!
 Really ?"
and I go....
"Well, Sir....Do YOU have a MOTHER?"
and he goes,
"WHAT??!  Everybody has a mother .....SO??"
and I go,
"Well, its NOT my fault that I live in Jersey and needed to come see her in Queens...
and got stuck on the WHITESTONE BRIDGE!!"
Understand, friends, in my mind, THIS MADE SENSE !
But I havent gotten to the funny part yet....
So he goes,
"Ok,,,Ok,,,just gimme the 6 bucks and you can go"
and I go,
"Well, Sir, I wasnt prepared for the Toll...so...I dont have it!"
and he goes,
"You dont have an EZPASS....and you dont have money for the toll....
Why do you think that this is ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR?"
and then he goes,
"OK...at least, show me your registration.."
and I muddle and fuddle around in the glove compartment and realize that I left it in my
WINTER HANDBAG at home !!
and I go,
"uhhh...I can't find it.....and YOU ARE BEING SO MEAN!"
"I have a LIFE...."
and he goes, "Gimme your licence.."
and I go,
"Are you KIDDING ME?"
and he goes.
"Gimme your licence and Go wait by the FIFTH ORANGE CONE..."
and I, attitude in tact, drive to the fifth cone,
but it's really SCARY there...
cause cars are sweeping by so fast,,,,
so I drive a bit further (a quarter of a mile, or so!)
to the cones that form an indentation....
And people are going "WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING??"
And wayyyy back yonder, (by the toll),
I see the cop in my rear view mirror WALKING toward me...
And thats when I realize that I had driven REALLY REALLY FAR from the toll !!!!
And he looks SO pissed...
And hes carrying all his equipment for ticket writing, etc..
and hes trying not to get hit by all the cars speeding by....
and then he motions to me to BACK UP....
So....
I have to back ALL the way to him ...
And it's RIDICULOUS and HUMILIATING!!
and Hundreds of people are watching and honking and yelling !!
And when I get there, he goes,
"Lemme ask you something, Lady....
Does it make sense to you to drive a MILE away from me,
when I told you to go to the FIFTH CONE??"
"Do you expect me to WALK ALL that way ??"
and I go,
"I was wondering why you did that, but HEY....Whatever !"
(attitude STILL totally in tact!)....LOL
He gave me the licence back, and he did NOT give me a ticket !!
True story.....
(I guess you had to 've been there !)

It would have been impossible for her to have PREDICTED...

how this thing would inevitably turn out...
She could still feel the hair on the back of her neck STANDING at attention...
She was actually dripping with sweat....
Anxiety ?
Shock maybe ?
MY GOD......
She pinched herself...
Perhaps she had imagined the whole thing ??!
haha !!
NOT!!
OK...."Calm Down", she advised herself...
"This is ALL going exactly as you'd wished"...
Well...
It WAS, after all....
She smiled through the haze of her very own FANTASY/REALITY...
What next ?
She needed a SOLID PLAN.....
I mean.....seriously ??

A cauldron filled with mixed emotions...

Am I SAD ?
HAPPY ?
CONFUSED ?
DISENCHANTED?
DISCOMBOBULATED ?

Should I seek advice ?
BULL DOSE THROUGH on my own ??
Go to the "self help" aisle at Barnes and Nobel ???

Should I wear the TURQUOISE ?
or the TRUSTED BLACK ??

Is copper "IN" as a color this season ?

Are SALMON CROQUETTES old fashioned ??
DOES IT MATTER ??

Are STRAUSS WALTZES considered ANTI SEMITIC rhetoric ???
Can MUSIC be CLASSIFIED as RHETORIC ??

What constitutes FAMILY?

Is the QUALITY of a piece of PAPER of any REAL SIGNIFICANCE ??

Do kids like being THROWN from an ELECTONIC BULL ???

IS EVERYONE full of BULL anyway ??

Is there a NUT FREE ZONE in NEW JERSEY ???

I really should go back to sleep...
THIS IS NOT PRODUCTIVE......