Chanukah....

And as the bits of flame still flickered from the almost-done Chanukah candles...
On this 5th night of the holiday...
She was reminded of a time long ago....
In her childhood home...
Of the small living room in the 100 year old house....
(This was long before "OLD" was considered 'chic'!)
Of the family TV and the TIN-FOIL, all scrunched up and re-used, placed beneath the menorah by her mom in some sacrosanct moment of willful reverence...
of the smell of her Bobbi's (Zichrona Livracha) famous Latkes...
Greasy and Gigantic and SUPER FATTENING...
 but..........OH SO yummy...
Of her Mom and her Bobbi peeling potatoes and grating them 'til their hands were chapped and red....
of her Dad(Zichrono Livracha) ,in his big, red, velvet chair....
listening to his favorite Chazanim.......
 singing those old, liturgical songs on the record player....
She thought of her brother, Mike, (Zichrono Livracha)....(Yup..Him too.....)
surrounded, as it were, by girlfriends...There were always teenage girls visiting Mike at home...
What she wouldn't give to be back there again.......
swaddled into that Mellifluous and Cozy Blanket of
 Unenlightened Parenting and Cemented Tradition....
She was reminded of all those times she'd heard people saying that,
"You don't know how good something is until it's gone..."
And in this moment of Pure Nostalgia, she wept...
Tears of Anguish....of Longing.....of Missing those integral people...
Those Beautiful People...
And so it went........

 

Here's What Happened....

I've been feeling somewhat....mmm.....  Without Anchor....
Like I'm kind of floating in an abyss made up more of
"ETHEREAL MATTER" rather than "DENSITY"...
Make sense ?
Let me say this:
 An Artist's Life is bound by the Perpetual Pursuit of TRUTH on many levels....
If you can grasp what I'm attempting to say..... READ ON....

So My Dad, (Zichrono Livrachah), has been gone now for almost 10 years...
Actually quite SHOCKING to believe.....
And I have almost NEVER....  (with the exception of one time VERY early on)
had any sense of his presence....
Not in DREAMS....Not in PRAYER....Not whatsoever....
(Which is somewhat odd for a person like myself)....
One would think....
But Ive been convinced all along that he was reunited with his 9 Siblings and Parents, whom he lost in the Camps....
And He ALWAYS spoke about the Muncacher Rebbe, who was actually his Mohel!
And He had also lost a young wife and small child, who were shot in front of his face....
And honestly....I figured he was SO busy with All of them, that he forgot about me...

But this last Shabbos,,,,,
I had a DEEP LONGING for him in the afternoon, and I found myself in TEARS....
REALLY WEEPING....
Missing my Dad in an ACHING WAY....an UNUSUAL WAY.....
And I began to Speak to him and kind of BEG him to show up for me....
(Pretty personal stuff I'm sharing with you!)
I told him that I feel alone.....  That the family has mostly passed away....and that Mom is not clear enough anymore to really go to with my needs.....
 (At this time, is it is ME taking care of HER needs).....as the cycle of life continues....
And I just REALLY, PROFOUNDLY, needed his help,.....

And the VERY NEXT DAY, this CHILDREN OF SURVIVORS GROUP on Facebook kind of APPEARED to me....
I had NEVER even been made aware of it....
And suddenly, I found myself ENVELOPED BY KINDRED people....
People who REALLY "GET" ME.....
People who are supportive and understanding and EMPATHETIC .....
And I LITERALLY have LOST the feeling of ALONE-NESS....

And there is NO QUESTION WHATSOEVER that My Dad led me here...

""I'll take a BIG, FREAKING BOWL full of EXISTENTAL DILEMMA...""

with a WHOPPING SIDE of "INERTIA"....

That's what the woman ordered, as she sat at the noisy, disorganized
"WORD LUNCHEONETTE" ...

You know the one....
It faces the BIG HOSPITAL with all the odd, brown flowers planted in the garden...

She was STARVING....
She knew full well that the ACTUAL DISH would be served up late, cold, and SOGGY...
But here's the thing:
Something about this disconcerting place made her feel...uhhh...
COZY maybe ?

Perhaps her "comfort" could be attributed to the DELICIOUS, BOILING,GREEN,
" WORD TEA "
that the luncheonette was known for....
ONE SIP....
Just ONE...
and endless profundities would coming DRIPPING from her lips....
WORDS TO LIVE BY...

And the other dining-mates would gather round her...
PERCHED....
waiting for the punctuated NUANCES and her FAMOUS,
" METAPHORICAL BREVITY " to shock and please them...
waiting for HER WISDOM....
HER CUNNING...

Yup...
That's how it went...

9/11......Are we REALLY more united now?

So today marks the 13th anniversary of that tragic day...
13 years...
I remember it as if it were yesterday....
We lived in Manhattan at that time...

I can still feel and see and smell:

that toxic, black smoke....
the unmistakable scent of burning, human flesh...
the throngs of people walking slowly up the avenues..
(like the march of the dead)....

We were stunned....numb....afraid like we'd never been before...
And,
as in ALL tragic and profoundly frightening moments,
We SWORE....We PROMISED that....
IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN...
Words to live by certainly...

But have we kept our promise ?
Have we created an impenetrable FORCE FIELD....
a VEIL of FIGURATIVE TITANIUM that the terrorists cannot PIERCE ?
Are we REALLY UNITED as a nation ??

Those are all very LOFTY and IDEALISTIC goals....
But I fear we have done nothing of the kind....

Rather...
What do we do?

We elect a LEADER ....
WELL AFTER 9/11...
who seems, at least to ME,,,,
to be somewhat "NONPLUSSED" by those who wish to destroy us....
He would rather sit at a BREAKFAST TABLE with them....
DISCUSSING our "COMMON goals"...

Is that what we do with violent enemies ???
Ya think ?

What else have we done in the wake of 9/11 ?

We have ALLOWED, somehow, SHARIA LAW to infiltrate the United States !
The very law which we ALL agree was followed, albeit dubiously,(or NOT) by the terrorists...

Right ???

The State of Israel....
our LOVE...
our LIFE...
seems to be more ALONE than EVER BEFORE !
How did THAT happen ?

We said that we would NEVER be CAVALIER about SECURITY again...
Have we kept our word ?

Ask yourself. my friends,
What has REALLY CHANGED since 9/11 ?
And....
Is it GOOD change ?

On Being a Professional Victim.....

Some would suggest that it is WE who CREATE OUR OWN DESTINIES....
Really ??
Tsunamis ?
The Holocaust ?
3rd World Hunger?
Somebody told me recently to "SHIFT" my energy, and ALL would be perfect...
Sure...
One can always create a BUBBLE of DILUSION and take on a LA-DI-DA demeanor ...
But that would not crack a DENT in the COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS ....
However....
Physically Changing the REALITY of the situation...
Now THAT we can talk about,,,,,

"The Creature Behind the Screen"

So...
There is no question whatsoever....
It has become quite "the norm" to essentially "mix it up"
with the crowds of people just directly over there....
just a millisecond away...
behind that glass façade....
behind the SCREEN that we so lovingly call "home"...

And salutations have become LOGINS...
And Kisses have become LETTERS OF THE ALPHABET....
And we send PANDAS DOING PUSHUPS and LITTLE ALIENS SCRATCHING THEIR HEADS
INSTEAD OF:
HUGGING and YELLING and CRYING with EACHOTHER....

We are consummate creatures of SHORT HAND....
We speak, or rather, we TEXT,
in ABBREVIATED VERSIONS OF something resembling SLANG...(I think!)
We accept less and less human contact as we become more and more electronically "hooked up"....

Hell, there was a movie about a guy who had a FULL BLOWN LOVE AFFAIR with his COMPUTER.....

And what if, prey tell, the creature on the other side of the screen
is really some one-eyed Mutant??
What if it's ALL just a BIG FAT LIE ???
What then ???

Information that you DON'T know with regard to the "Spirit World"....

So...
Whether you believe in spirits, ghosts, afterlife, etc....
or NOT...
I think we can all agree that there are MANY LAYERS to this Universe...
that there are simply things outside of our own REALM of consciousness...
And that we WANT to believe in some sort of Afterlife...

Me entiendes ??

And so....

It occurs to me at this time...
after having been fortunate enough to actually "be EXPOSED to"
some VERY MIRACULOUS and OTHER-WORDLY Phenomena ...
(much too personal to get into in any kind of detail)..

that there is information which "YOU"....(the "collective you")
will benefit from in your somewhat obsequious pursuit of answers....
of communication...
of TRUTH...

And furthermore, that it would actually be SELFISH for me NOT to share this knowledge with you...

So...
Here are some BASIC RULES to follow
when attempting to actually CONTACT a "Loved One" who has passed:

1)
FORMULATE your words into SPOKEN LANGUAGE...
This is VERY important and easy to neglect...
You must speak the words AS IF you are ACTUALLY THERE with the person sitting (or STANDING, as it were) right in front of you.
Do NOT speak to them in a DIFFERENT tone or way than they had known from you.
Don't for a second think that they can read your mind!
They are NOT "God", after all...
More like "Angels", for all intents and purposes...

2)
The NEED to communicate with them MUST BE DIRE...
It CANNOT be just for a chuckle, or for curiosity....
They will ONLY hear you if you REALLY, TRULY NEED THEM..

3
)It probably goes without saying that SUPERFICIAL DESIRES have no business in this conversation..
I'm relatively CERTAIN that the Spirit will not be DELIVERING A PORSCHE to your front door any time soon!
Again, the NEED must be REAL.

4)
Ask them for a SIGN at the end of your "Appeal"...
If you are ABSOLUTELY SINCERE about NEEDING them,and you follow these steps,
they will LITERALLY deliver a sign to you within 15 to 90 minutes.
I GUARANTEE it!

5) Perhaps the MOST IMPORTANT thing is to "ACKNOWLEDGE" their help AFTER you receive it...
(also to THANK THEM sincerely and absolutely.)

OK...
That's all I got for the moment....

If you need help with any of this, by all means, contact me...
And I'd LOVE to hear your stories!

Peace and Love...