once told me that
'im too quick to cut'.....
to disassociate myself.....
while this may very well be true....
i want you to know.....
that it would be SOMEHOW...... EASIER......
more PEACEFUL even.....
to MAINTAIN the status quo......
to TOLERATE....to STAY in the disconcert ion.....
rather than 'aborting' the entire debacle...
out of hand.....
the CUTTING OFF.......
the disassociation......
can be extremely castrating.....
scarring......
perhaps unbefitting of the perceived 'crime'.......
not only for the ones that i expunge from the record......
but for me as well......
although,
admittedly,
i do appear to be 'somewhat aloof' about it....
heartless perhaps......
i know that....
its a mask which i don,
in order to
"assuage the extremity of the carnage"...
ahhh.....
what can i say ??
a child of holocaust survivors.....
a GENETIC SURVIVOR.....
casual and relentless about loss.....
deep and wounded by betrayal......
but what is betrayal, to me.....
after all ???
certainly my perception may indeed be off the mark.....:}{
(no pun intended !)
and so it goes.....
