Going to see a man about a HORSE...

and...
tell you the truth...
I'm kinda psyched about it!
i mean...
it's time that the FULL-BLOWN dossier on my ATTRIBUTES
 has some freakin' LIGHT shed upon it...
furthermore...
MAN cannot live by ART ALONE....
so...
MAYBE I"LL SELL SOME GARAGES !!
or maybe...
just maybe...
I'll get a franchise and move to PARIS and summer in the COTE D'AZUR !!!
and maybe Europe won't have such BIG SNOW STORMS !!!!
and then...MAYBE I'll start driving one of those LOSER, little, Eco-friendly CARS !!!
WHO KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT ???
after all...let's not lose sight of the fact that...
I'm going to see a man about a HORSE !!
In light of that,
I'm guessing that ANYTHING is POSSIBLE !!!

driving and driving and driving....

in and out of suburban utopia....
the trees and cars buried beneath the CLEAN, WHITE SNOW...
There'll be no sludge on the top of the snowman today!
OH, no !
We've reached the promised land !!
Yes, indeed!
where they have laser tag and shopping malls
and charming houses with TEAL BLUE Mercedes parked outside...
and country diners and deer crossing the road...
(and I'm guessing they're all REPUBLICAN to boot!)
IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER!
and everyone is calm....albeit a tad bored...
and I guess that 'we' seem like aliens...
LEGAL ALIENS....
in our stride and circumstance...
perusing the landscape of winter's mutiple pranks and jokes (at OUR expense!)...
After all, What can be done ?
The rooster has been cackling for 48 hours...
the tea leaves are reading, "RUN!"...
and Santa has packed up his 'hidden menorah' and headed for home...
We must SUBMIT....

she passed by a magician on the street...

and he was pulling 'rabbits' out of his ears...
and lifting peoples wallets out of their pockets....(unbeknownst to them)....
and then, of course, handing them back...
LOL
and he was cutting ladies in half....in those box things...
and you could, literally, see the 2 halves of the women !!
and he was showering hundred dollar bills all over the heads of his audience...
i mean...
THIS GUY WAS UNBELIEVABLE !!!
and so she really HAD TO STOP...
and watch...
and the crowd grew bigger and bigger...
as this crazily talented magician continued to blow people's minds with his prowess...
and then....
 she began hoping that he wouldn't see her...
because as she neared the scene, she realized that she KNEW HIM...
that she had, in fact, DATED HIM in college !!
jeeeeezzz !!!
and here he was....
on the STREET...
performing these INCREDIBLE FEATS !!!
and he had been a mathematics major...she was sure...
he had aspired to become a CPA...
and even though she had loved him...
eventually she had DUMPED him...
because he was BORING !!!!
and now here he was !
this WARLOCK !!!
WHAT ?????

(HOLOCAUST REMEMBRANCE DAY)......there is a place,,,,,,

There is a place...
just on the other side of the Hudson....
with startling views of LADY LIBERTY....
STARTLING....
and i had occasion to visit there just the other day....
and LIBERTY was the central theme in the room....
JUSTICE and LIBERTY and inalienable FREEDOM....
and it got me thinking...
about how EASY it is to lose site of the 'bigger picture'....
and of that old woman, whom I've mentioned before....
the one on Park Avenue who begs for money every day...
and of the juxtaposition of these two statements...
"impoverished desperation" versus "luxurious autocracy"....
and how both can coexist within the same 3 mile radius....
And  then I thought of how TODAY is
 "Holocaust Remembrance Day"....
and of how my parents suffered so...
and of how one never truly knows SECURITY....
for it can "leave the building", unnoticed....
and render one SHOCKINGLY INDIGENT....
with no real warning having been waged....
and i found myself wondering how my "LADY LIBERTY" would feel....
without her shining and utterly FABULOUS countenance....
and whether even SHE could be subject to DESTITUTION at any given moment...

The Road to Perdition...

is strewn with many obstacles and intrusions...
one would need to LARGELY OVERCOME these 'blocks in the road' in order to
reach ETERNAL DAMNATION...
hence, simply put...
WE ARE MEANT TO BE GOOD...
organically....
in point of fact...
we actually need to WORK VERY VERY HARD...
in order to really BE BAD...

What does this mean ?

It means that underneath the layers upon layers of SOUL MISUNDERSTANDING...
way down deep in "INTROSPECTION VALLEY"...
there is a child...an innocent child...
begging to perpetually "do the right thing"...
We need only listen to our own inner CALLING...
and STOP misunderstanding ourselves....
NO small task!...
but absolutely ESSENTIAL to our ability to
 FORGIVE OURSELVES....
and then...ultimately, to
FORGIVE OTHERS...
and so on...

Wiggle room was indeed scarce...

it was either DO or DIE...
with PRECISION and DEXTERITY...
as if one were OPERATING on an undulating heart...
one false move....
and it would cease to beat...
it would essentially FLAT LINE....taking no prisoners..
and the burden of TRUTH and LIABILITY would fall, head first,
upon the exhausted shoulders of the defeated surgeon...
as if TRUTH were a ton of bricks....
as if the surgeon were a slave in EGYPT....
Pharaoh would surely SMITE HIM in his path...

and so....
the focus and intent became incessantly more CRITICAL....
as snow fell upon the roof of the MEDICAID facility...
in drifts of OMINOUS quality...
and just beneath the floorboards of the room, a small bird had built a nest...
hoping to shield itself from the elements...
from the cold....
its family had somehow escaped to WARMER PASTURES....
leaving the tiny fledgling to fend for itself...
through the cold winter days...
and it had found refuge....
amongst the ORTHODOX JEWS....
in a building in BROOKLYN.....

the entity crept into the room...

while they were sleeping...
and it checked the yellow candle...
in order to insure that it was properly aglow...
and it bent down to take a whiff of the magical incense
that surrounded the yellow candle...
and then it sat on the edge of her bed...
and watched her sleep...
and this was a very old and wise entity...
it could feel the trouble brewing inside of her head...
even through the illusionary mask of sleep....
and this entity manifested 'hands',
 so that it could touch her cheeks(anthropomorphically)..
and she awakened...
from the blazing heat of the hands holding her face....
and all she could see was pure, ultraviolet light...
and it gave her a sublime sense of HOPE...
for she, like no others, had the gift of the keys to the 'spirit world'....
(so to speak)....
she chuckled and immediately fell back asleep...
and she dreamt of clouds and angels and silver cups, filled with wine....
and upon her awakening.....
she found a GREEN APPLE placed upon her pillow....

theres an old woman...

a survivor...
clinging to whatever shred of dignity she can still muster...
and then the lapses occur...
and she cant recall anything at all....

and there's a daughter...
trying desperately to take care of her...
(although the mother certainly hadn't 'mothered' in an 'up to snuff' manner in earlier times...)
but the arrogant, weakening, old woman
WON'T HEAR OF being robbed of her illusionary independence...
her ego is still FRONT and CENTER...

and there is dischord and dysfunction....
and misery...
and EGO....
and mounds of INDIGNATION....

and there are case workers....and examiners....and CPAs....
and there are Rabbis....and CEOs...and HASIDIM...

AND NOBODY can think of what to do to HELP these two individuals....
and the gap is growing wider....
and the anger is turning to RAGE....
and Popeye stopped eating that F**Kin' spinach THIRTY YEARS AGO !!!
and the meatloaf has most certainly congealed into white blobs of fatty matter...
and hopefully, one can sleep in a CADILLAC....

for he who reneges on his promise, is certain to RUE the day...

and so it goes...

Bad Charisma: A Fictional Memoir

going to battle...

and so we don our best and most repellent, energetic armor...
TEFLON from head to toe..
6 feet in all directions...
as we near the Brooklyn bridge...
BATTLE READY...
for we are preparing to FIGHT ,
limb for limb,tooth and nail,
regardless of black icicles falling from the parapet....
PREPARED...
 in order to 'secure' the veritable "goose down" bed...
for the victim of GENOCIDE...
there will be NO NEGOTIATION on this score...
as there is ZERO wiggle room...
save amongst the goose feathers....
ONE CAN WIGGLE upon the golden mattress....
and the heads will be mounted...
in the HALL OF SHAME NO MORE !
for mercy and honour will follow suit...
and the day will be blessed with lilacs and red wine...
and so it will go....

a steaming cup of coffee...

and new testament versus old....
splendorous differences juxtaposed with alarming 'same ness'...
we want that which is unreachable...untouchable....
while that very SAME thing WANTS US....
and so we circle the flames of outrageous 'disclaimer'...
in an attempt to show our 'good faith'...if you will....
and we are met with scrutiny and DEVOTION and bouquets of red roses....
and scones....
"THOU SHALT NOT COVET"....
heady stuff...
something to ponder on this GORGEOUS Sunday morning...
sabbath abounds....NOT BLACK SABBATH....
but yellow...ethereal...
WE scream out for help, but alas....
it appears to be falling on DEAF tree trunks...
and the angels strum on their harps...
as we indoctrinate and initiate
 the little, white elves,
 who wait just outside our front door....
shall we dance ?? 

so the DARK man with the esteemed crystal ball...

yet again,
 held her captive...
in that, she MISSED him when they were out of touch...
if indeed, they were EVER REALLY out of touch...
for these 'matters of mysticism' held GRAVITY and VERACITY all their own...
a different BREED of relationship to be sure...
cut from the cloth of the finest silk and the most endurable burlap as well.,,,
difficult to escape....given that one WANTED escape...
and the dark man's world was filled with unicorns and incense and the GODDESS and honey...
while her world was made up of More BASIC accoutrement...
fatty brisket on rye.... lipstick....and THE GOOD BOOK....
never the twain or twixt or twither shall meet ??,,,,you say ???
I THINK NOT, HUMPHREY...
the Cadillac Chariot awaited her arrival...breathlessly....
driver in tow...
a gaggle of mice hanging onto the fender...
WELL.....she would have GLADLY asked King Solomon for some 'pearls'...
but in the absence of that level of wisdom...
she had ONLY HERSELF to rely on...
(and the HASID !)

the sun was shining so brightly....

that one could essential reach out and TOUCH it....
and there were cherries on the table...
in the Tiffany, crystal bowl...
and she wore a bright green sweatshirt...to match her eyes...
and the COLOR and gorgeous cohesion of the scene was rather breathtaking...
the yellows and the reds and the greens...

he had just woken up...
and when he stepped into the living room and saw the cacophony of color..
and his girl, disheveled and sleepy and BEAUTIFUL....
he kind of 'gasped'....
and he thought to himself..." I love her..."

for it is EXACTLY those SIMPLE, intangible things...
strewn randomly together...
that make for the most POTENT of vignettes....
the things that just 'ARE'....

she walked over to him....
handed him a mug of steaming, hot chocolate...
and placed a cherry on the tip of his tongue
and his heart just melted....

so THEY say....

..."we want it NOW!"
and you say, "I don't HAVE IT !"...
and they say, "we will take legal action!"
and you say..."GO AHEAD!"
"KNOCK YOURSELF OUT!"
"...cause I don't have it!"
"you can't get blood from a stone!"..
and they say, "Well, there are LEGAL REMEDIES.."
and you say, "But I don't have it!!!  LEGAL SCHMEGAL"....lol
and they just DON"T HEAR THAT !
I mean...could you have been more CLEAR?
uhhh...I think NOT!
so you find an opening....a whole in the mellifluous curtain of their OUTRAGEOUS inadequacy...
a way to get under these moron's skin...(right under their external DERM)....
and you've always had this GERMAIN way of turning a phrase...just so...
so you brew up a big ol' mug of WORD TEA...
and you go at them....
and you INSULT and INSIGHT and INTIMIDATE and INSINUATE...
and you PATRONIZE the living shit outta them !!!
and you run cartwheels around them with your phraseology and your keen phonetics...
and in the end...
they gather their meek little backpack, filled with play dough figurines...
and books of stamps...and OODLES OF RED TAPE...
and they RUN !!!!
as far and as fast as their puny,little legs can carry them !!
and they hide under a stairwell....and pull out their pathetic, crumpled, WHITE FLAG....
and they scream, "WE SURRENDER!!!!!!!"
and you attempt to wipe that "shit-eating-grin" off of your CAVALIER  face...
but to no avail......
for VICTORY is yours....
and you LOVE the game...

It all comes down to priorities...

How do you get what you really want ?
For that matter....
How do you get what you really NEED ?
Why have your choices,
 up until this point,
been so diametrically "contrary" to those desires and essential requirements
that you carry on your back ?
Organic, BASIC requirements...
It would appear that YOU are fighting ONLY against yourself!
That there is an ABLE-BODIED, **CONTRARIAN** living inside of you !
Wake up, Brother !!!
Smell the ICED FRAPPACINO  !!
Change the script !!!
Things don't always fall out in tandem with your 'beck and cal'l..
so to speak
by the way..
WHAT IS A "BECK AND CALL" ??
  LOL
But that gives you NO LICENSE to just pack it in and move to ENGLEWOOD !!
I mean ....
SERIOUSLY ?
SERIOUSLY ??
Think again, my antiquated compadre....

a shtreimel & kaputa....

a costume ...
like no other...
encased within a mask of ULTRA-organized religion...
ACTUALLY....
perhaps it is a costume like ALL OTHERS...
with the arms and legs of centipedes...
beneath a HUGE, STRIPED, GOLF UMBRELLA...
just at the foot...
of MOUNT SINAI...
with torrential pellets and TABLETS falling from a FIRE on high....
TELL ME, My Prince...
why you jest at the OBVIOUS disdain of the SLAVES?
SCREAM IT atop the mount....
perhaps THEY will adhere to your precocious wishes...

They had given her some kind of 'magical herb'...

and it made her kind of giddy...and HAPPY...and carefree...
and she swallowed it WHOLE...
and inhaled it through her nostrils....
and ingested that 'ELATION-shit' through all of the other 'portals of contention' as well...
and she slept like a LAMB....
and she awakened CARE FREE and SMILING...
and the newness of the recent
 "conclusion to the quagmire"...
was dusted with sparkly, sugar water....and sprayed with lemon and lilac...
yellow and lavender and DIAMOND-like...
NOT IN THE ROUGH!
and the Hasidim had more of the MAGICAL HERB in their tallis bags...
YUP!!
they did indeed!
so then...

I mean.....the bottom line.......

the WAYYY bottom line....
was that...
simply put....
SHE HAD HAD IT !
all of the obligations and whiners and tearful secretaries ////
they could all take a FLYING LEAP...
this was it !!
the last hurrah in a series of catastrophic conundrum...
DID they surmise that perhaps she'd been LAGGING behind ????
EXCUSE ME ??
BAAA HUMBUG.......
just because she didnt dignify every single, little soliloquy ??
perhaps they ought to consider the possibility that their WORDS
were not on par with her moment of respit...
and the pied pipers , dressed in black,
 they,
more than likely,
 needed a good, strong TALMUDIC trachtate...
from which to glean a barometer for sensitive comeradery....
OK ?????
OK ?????

she sat in the dilemma of her own deliberation...

'stewing' over the contemplative rigmarole...
and serendipitous happenstance..
canoodling...pondering...planning...
wondering, frankly, if the ROAD NOT TAKEN should have been taken !
and then remembering , in cohesive fashion,
 that there had been essentially no alternative...
WHY CRY OVER SPILT 'chicken soup' really ??
so...
the big city was losing its appeal...
as the watchman twirled in his toe shoes...
(for he secretly YEARNED to study ballet)....
and the cowboys at the bank would look again...
FAVORABLY....
upon the 'equitable distribution' of the THIRD kind...
and all would go SWIMMINGLY....
 as it should have gone from the year ALEPH....
and the cauldron was frazzling and  bubbling...
as the PLANNING BROTH was concocted, yet again...
and so on....
and so on...

Never up to snuff....ramifications therein...

WHO, prey tell, is GOOD ENOUGH ?
What kind of multi-faceted dossier will they need to be packin'...
in order for ME to be interested ?
I mean...SERIOUSLY....
they are only human, right ?
FLAWED, at best....
not dissimilar to a DIAMOND really....
Is there a PERFECT DIAMOND ?
Or do they ALL have lesions and pock 'marks' on some level ?
DO WE EVEN WANT A PERFECT MAN ??
what would he be like ??
impossibly arrogant ?
sinister...
(well if he were sinister, i guess he'd hardly be PERFECT!)
LOL
perhaps we should ALLOW for human imperfection...
nonetheless...
we PLOD forward...
with high hopes of , yet again, being swept of our feet....
in a whirling dervish of sentiment and ROSES...
and 4 star accoutrement.....
and french toast stuffed with CHOCOLATE...
so the "others"...
the "NOT_UP_TO_SNUFFERS"(lol)...
continue NOT to measure up...TRY AS THEY WILL!
and the line of contenders, applying for the POSITION, goes AROUND THE BLOCK!
PERHAPS he's waiting in that line !
and so on.....

Miracle Creation....

Do miracles exist ?
Or are they simply the outcome of PURE and 'utterly devotional prayer ?
I, myself, have experienced what i call 'a miracle' more than once in my life...
For me,it's gone something like this....
 I ask GOD for something....
something that I REALLY, REALLY NEED...
in order to continue on my path...
in order to continue 'doing for others'....
Allow me to qualify this...
In order to have your prayers answered,
you must determine first ....
whether those prayers will serve the "greater good"...
There can be NO wavering from this singular, basic prerequisite..
You must remain TRUE to the bigger picture...
So...I've asked....begged really....for HELP....for GUIDANCE...
for ESSENTIAL INTERVENTION ...

And as I live and breathe, my friends....
I have seen the light of redemption and DIVINITY within MOMENTS of the prayer...
WITHIN MOMENTS....
in wholly TANGIBLE ways...
so that there can be no denying the origin of 'said MIRACLE'...
This takes some practise....
and an ENORMOUS amount of 'INTROSPECTION'...
In other words, checking oneself constantly for IMPURE AGENDA, etc...
Lofty, to be sure...
But take this as EXPERT ADVICE...
And go make some miracles !!

She stopped to get a bite...

and she ordered a burger with all the trimmings...
and it looked and smelled SO DELICIOUS...
and she was ravenous...
and as she bit into the juicy sandwich, her tooth hit against something hard...
it actually felt like a metal object !!
so she spit it all into her napkin in order to see what it was...
LO and BEHOLD...
it was a DIAMOND ring !!!
INSIDE HER BURGER !!!
WHAT ???
a small diamond on a simple band...
she called the waitress over to report this ridiculous situation...
and when the girl saw the ring,
 she began to WEEP severely and somewhat hysterically...
she couldn't stop!
apparently, the girl had been engaged to the cook in the restaurant...
and they'd had a HUGE fight...
she's thrown her ring at him...
she'd accused him of flirting with one of the customers....
(she hadn't realized that the customer had been his COUSIN, whom he hadn't seen in years!)
He was so angry at her for her lack of trust in him,
that he took the ring....
buried it deep inside of the chopped sirloin...
AND abruptly QUIT his job and left town...
this had happened only yesterday....
saddled with this miserable story, and no longer hungry....
she hugged the girl, left a tip anyway....and went home...
ahhhh....THE HUMAN BEING....so breakable...

the random guy in the supermarket...

Is he a rapist ??
a stalker ??
or..
JUST A GUY....
who DIGS green eyes....
HOW did he find me ??
Did he FOLLOW ME HOME ??
Did he have a master plan, wherein i was predicted to enter the GRISTEDES SUPERMARKET,
 at exactly 5:30 yesterday....???
at which point,
he would proffer a SQUEAKY CART,
 which i would,naturally,
reach for ??
only to then be struck by MY OWN EGO ??
and relinquish "said cart" to the vacant aisle ??
where he would be anxiously aWAITING me,
in order to share the "expected chuckle"  ??
We may be getting a tad ahead of ourselves, ladies....LOLOL

The old woman in front of the YESHIVA....

When i pick my son up from school...
as we near the corner on Park avenue..
there is an old, homeless woman who stands in the street EVERY, SINGLE DAY....
and begs for money...
day in and day out....
in the rain...in the snow...in the heat,,,
in truth, who knows whether she's really old...
or if she's just become old and weathered as a result of an impossibly hard life...

and more often than not,  i roll down the window of my car...
and i give her a few dollars...
and she thanks me gratuitously...
but what strikes me every time, is that she NEVER remembers me  !!
so she asks me over and over without a hint of familiarity or recognition...
she doesn't remember anything at all...
or so it appears...

and i wonder what the point really is.....
why she continues to WORK SO HARD at survival....
for it would appear, that she truly has nothing to live for...
nothing at all...
and she makes me PROFOUNDLY SAD...
the grey haired woman, begging outside the YESHIVA...
and so it goes...

against all odds....

it is precisely at the point of NO RETURN...
at that single, qualified moment...when darkness becomes SO VERY BLACK....
when NO choices are left whatsoever...
that one MUST determine to RISE TO THE OCCASION...
to the ascended level of "miracle creation"...
regardless of all signs pointing SOUTH...
BECAUSE of and IN SPITE of all the signs actually...
further...
human beings do BETTER,
it would appear...
in the blatant face of OBSTACLES and deep, deep valleys
 on their journey to SELF ACTUALIZATION....

I'm not just blabbering here...

I'm trying make YOU SEE that when you feel that you have
plummeted SO FAR DOWNWARD...
that the actual BOTTOM is within your sights...

PRECISELY at this moment !!!

LOOK FURTHER !!!
and you will see...
far beyond the darkness....
a ray of light....
one must look very, very hard in order to spot it...
but it's there...
that ray of light, that glimmer of hope...
is GOD,
extending his hand to you....
all you need do is take HIS hand...

surrounded by angry maniacs...

why the constant attacks??
WHAT DO THEY WANT ??
why can't they back away ???
JEALOUS< YOU SAY ??
jealous of ME ??
WHAT ??
what makes angry people SO ANGRY ??
i mean...
ya think maybe they're taking things a BIT TOO PERSONALLY ?
i mean...
I DON"T EVEN KNOW WHO THEY ARE !!!
is mercury in retrograde ??
is the moon full ??
TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON.........
PLEASE......
and while you're at it...
Can ya remind me how this got started in the first place ??

there's simply not enough room...(my attempt at a metaphor...)

for both of us...
that's it !
plain and simple !
two gigantic egos in the same space just cannot coexist...
it doesn't work....
picture this...
you have a box with unmovable sides...
and you have two pink, undulating,
 gelatinous forms which you've stuffed into the box...
and they are squishing and squashing to stay in, but bubbling up in different places...
because the gel and guts inside them simply don't FIT!
now picture two women...
both very attractive, both on top of their games....both divorced..
pushed and shoved into one box.....where random thighs and breasts are bursting out of the arena in which they've been placed...
AM I MAKING SENSES?
the solution is either to 1)separate them!
or 2)get a bigger box !
there you go.....my pearls of  metaphoric wisdom on this snowy morning....

What is that THING ?

that invisible, yet ENORMOUSLY operative THING ...
that stands SMACK DAB between us and PERFECTION??
we are SO CLOSE...
we can smell it...
we can taste it...
but there's a BLOCK in our road to fruition...
a CEMENT BLOCK....
with legs...
walking back and forth across the finish line...
BLOCKING our way...
we sidle over to one side, in an effort to BEAT IT surreptitiously...
but the CEMENT MONSTER gets there first !!!
WHY ???
have we created our own Obstacles ??
so that, perhaps, we can circumvent the GOAL ?
OUR goal ?
self sabotagers, you say ??
NOT REALLY looking to cash in on the dream ??
just biding time ??
a bit of SELF examination is in order, it would seem.....

And the glow of the ferries at the end of the "iced-over" pool...

was somewhat off-putting in the quiet of dusk...
it gave her the very distinct impression that she was NOT ALONE...
that the magical little imps were following her,
not ONLY on TWITTER !!!
(lol)
but throughout her life....throughout her days...
sprinkling ferry dust and confectioners sugar atop her auburn head...
literally washing her with liquid LUCK and serendipitous happenstance...
she shivered...
it was cold out there...
should she approach them ?
she'd been told ,on more than one occasion, that the ferries liked to keep their DISTANCE...
that their form of LOVE was a bit less 'touchy-feely' than that of humans...
but she really could not resist....(and seriously, she was HALF FERRY herself!   right?)
so she wrapped the fox collar tightly around her neck, and she pulled her thick sweater
closed....
and she tiptoed over to the haunt behind the pool....
where the glow of 'their' light was becoming more conspicuous as daylight turned to night....
but what she SAW made her STOP SHORT !!!!!
there, in the small haunt, behind the pool, in the Hampton's...
there were...
what can ONLY be described as THOUSANDS of ferries....or ENTITIES, lets say....
tiny, little people really....
men, women, even Kids !!
DANCING....
around a FIRE.....and humming....
(i think spiritualists would call it TONING....)
and they dressed up !!
in suits and tiny, little ties....and BALL Gowns !!!
I SWEAR !!!
I'm not making this up !!!
and there were drummers and rattlers at 4 points around the huge fire....
SHAMANISTIC....no question bout that....
and as she approached, (for fear and forboding had left her completely!),
the drummers and the rattlers and the singers and dancers and TONERS.......
STOPPED !!!
PURE, UNADULTERATED SILENCE
 fell on the haunt behind the Hampton pool........

the family had always been together...

they were a very tightly knit bunch...
so that...
when word came that they would have to separate,
 in order to escape the expected TERRORIST onslaught....
they felt a profound sadness,
a desperation really...
as if there had been a death...
each one secretly worrying that these were going to be their last days 'en famille'...

if the traitors running the country had just LOOKED at the signs !!!
OR CARED !!!
it was SO glaringly obvious that this day would come to pass...
SOONER RATHER THAN LATER !!
and now...
can you imagine ??
they had to wear burkas !!   in order to FIT IN !!!
how had this madness manifested itself ??
there were shades of NAZI GERMANY here in this horrible scenario...
this, my friends, is what CAN HAPPEN when your country elects a  DEMOCRAT to office...
make no mistake!
there was a hard knock on the front door...
the "BUS OF CONSERVATIVE AMERICAN CHILDREN WEARING BURKAS" was outside....
the family had to say their goodbyes...
tears were shed...
anguished tears....
the proof was in the PUDDING....(or in this case, the proof was in the TAHINI) ???

a FLANKEN story...

the sheer volume of people.... in the disturbingly, tension-filled  supermarket...
was WEIRD,
 to say the least...
it was as if they were squirrels,
preparing to store their acorns or nuts or whatever it is that squirrels store...
in order to be securely snuggled into their 'caves' for the long winter...
funny...
this particular scenario consisted of her fellow Jews,
wearing yarmulkes(scull caps) and denim skirts...
storing things like FLANKEN and CORNED BEEF...
she guessed, in order to be safe and 'meat-secure' for Tuesdays purported SNOW STORM !!
she chuckled...
she found herself wanting to TELL THEM that she was,
 indeed, ONE OF THEM too !!
that she, perhaps, looked a bit more secular than they...
but that she had come here to BUY THE FLANKEN too !!!
in truth, how much could she JUDGE them really ???
they had merely traveled a few miles from their homes to the MEGA STORE..
but SHE !!!!.......
had traveled to ANOTHER STATE !!
in search of  voluminous, KOSHER FOOD !!!

there was a creepy guy...
40ish, fat, dumpy...greasy...
with his mom or something...
he couldn't stop staring at her...
mind you, men often stared at her...
BUT THIS WAS DIFFERENT...
it reminded her of one of those scary,
 'Lifetime' movies...
the way he kept leering at her...
and following her...

she figured ,"better safe than sorry"...
and she reported it to the checker,
who concurred that the man was staring and in fact,
 kind of WAITING for her...

she was escorted to her (loaner) car..
(ewwww)...
(the HUMMER was still in the shop!)
she determined right then and there that she would
STAY LOCAL when meat shopping from now on.......
or....
she would maybe buy a DENIM SKIRT for just these occasions !!

and as the car pulled away...

the girl was left with a profound feeling of sadness and longing...
for that which had never really come to fruition...
in a way that surprised even her....
DID SHE LOVE HIM ?
how did THAT happen ?
DID HE KNOW ?
of course NOT !
(maybe?)
should she perhaps LET HIM in on this finding ?
were they 'friends' ?
'LOVERS' ?
ships that continuously PASSED IN THE NIGHT ?
again she had that feeling, deep in her soul, that he was, in fact, 'THE ONE'...
she'd have to do what can be the ONLY recourse in situations like these....
she'd have to go SHOPPING !
all of the answers to life's inane puzzles and quagmires
 would, no doubt,
be found in the aisles of TARGET !!

i'm thinking about how two parents...

can come to the table with such DIFFERING points of view..
from differing cultures....
(in this regard, i refer to the childhood home as a 'culture'..)
to the extent that they can find themselves, more often than NOT!
to be on POLAR sides of an issue...
so that at times like THESE....(inclement weather, etc)..
there is really NO MIDDLE GROUND to rely on....
so that the adults...
MUST continue with vehemence...
to DISAGREE over issues of safety, proper parenting, etc.////
as if they were STILL MARRIED !!!
LOL
(GOD FORBID!)
and the children continue to waffle between what they KNOW IS RIGHT and what they are
YEARNING FOR....
i guess that's really why we DO NOT
 rely on children for their EDITORIALS on subjects  like SNOWMEN and SAFETY, etc...
In the end of the day, however,
 it will be VERY COMFORTING INDEED to know that,
all evidence to the CONTRARY,
 the arrival occured with minimum wear and tear....
having said all of that.....
WHAT A FUCKIN IDIOT !!!!

and as the angels sprinkle their 'lofty' countenance upon you and yours....

you can  physically ""SEE"" them singing and dancing inside of the BLUE-WHITE snowflakes....
the smattering of MATTER ....of particles organic to the touch....
to the smell.....
sets a stage of WHIMSY and INTROSPECTION amid the silent blanket of  CHILL and white mystery....
and as you gaze upon the awesome spectacle.....
you are, yet again, reminded  of God's splendour in ALL Things....
so you determine to 'walk amongst the angels'....
to let go completely of the 'Trappings' of protocol and practicality......
for the opportunity is KNOCKING , literally, upon the igloo of your soul's meandering....
and so it goes...
SHABBAT SHALOM.....

GRATITUDE SHMATITUDE....

Do WE, en masse, have to feel GRATEFUL 100% of the time ???
What if we don't WANT TO ??
What if WE"RE NOT GRATEFUL at a given moment ??
I mean...honestly....
Somebody dies of CANCER...right ??
and there is ALWAYS...without exception...
some ASSHOLE telling them to FEEL GRATEFUL !!!
RIGHT ??
So, my loves...
I, your loyal GODDESS XREBB, I'm here to TELL YOU...
that you DON"T HAVE to feel GRATEFUL if you do not FEEL GRATEFUL  !!!
I will back you up on this 1000%....
after all...
All the granola and flowers and lavender water in the world are still not a "magical elixir" for
BASIC, HUMAN SUFFERING...
furthermore....
It's OK to feel ANGRY, HUNGRY, HUMILIATED, NERVOUS, and/or ANXIETY RIDDEN....
I GIVE YOU PERMISSION to feel any and all of the above in whatever order you deem fitting...
lastly...
Feeling sorry for yourself....
Now there's a sentiment that the modern prophets and sages are desperately
TRYING TO TAKE AWAY !!!
I SAY....
GO AHEAD...
feel sorry for yourself !!!
if you want to lick your wounds, DO IT !!!
it might make you FEEL BETTER, for God's sake...
OK....nuf said

How about a NEW TRUTH ??

I'm speculating here...
Throw me some rope, Amigos...

Who says that HOT GUYS are unsuitable ??
Where did that 'myth' come from ?
I SAY...for certain...
THAT 'SUITABLE' GUYS ARE NOT HOT...
however....
the 'suitable' guys can end up being not only BAD ON THE 'NAKED" EYES...
but wholly and colossally UNSUITABLE as well !!!
hence...
going on the earthly premise that STEAK indeed SMELLS LIKE STEAK...
I SAY....
let's change the RULES !!!
lets put the HOT Guys in Suits....
will that make them SUITABLE ??  lol
will that morph them into 'SUITS' ???
(executives, upper management...) ???
will the HOT GUYS become the PRESIDENT even ???
Can you imagine OBAMA driving a tow truck, for example ??
LOLOL
is OBAMA HOT ???
bad example....
sorry....
I SAY....
we turn the whole damn, ball o'wax AROUND....
change the FREAKIN SCRIPT....
I SAY....
LESS is DECIDEDLY MORE...
I SAY....
How's that workin for ya ???
speculating...that's all...                      

I can't help wondering....

where HE is right now...
whether he's pining for me in the way that I am pining for him....
does he look the same ?
is his hair long ??
has he aged ?
perhaps there really is just ONE, GREAT LOVE in a lifetime....
perhaps everything else is but a 'stepping stone' to and from that LOVE....
should I call him ?
what if he's married or something ???
what if he's DEAD ??
how would I go on without the HOPE of seeing him again ?

NO !!!  
this is RIDICULOUS !!
or is it ??
SHOULD I CALL ??
WHAT DO YOU THINK ??

She was driving with her son....

there were snow and slush and ice everywhere/////////
and it was dark....
they were crossing the George Washington bridge....
the brakes were making gurgling sounds...
disconcerting....(she brushed her concern aside)...
she had no patience, as per usual...
she was in one of those 'hurried' moods of hers...
honking and flashing her lights at the 'slowpokes' on the icy road...
they stopped to get a bite to eat....
a 'quick' sandwich....

all was fine....
she brushed, yet again, the uncertainty away...
it was really silly...
worrying over nothing, she thought...

they were back on the road....
she stepped down on the brake....
NOTHING HAPPENED....
the car kept rolling forward...
she panicked a bit, but did not want to worry her boy...
THEY ROLLED FORWARD....
with no stopping whatsoever.....
verrrrrry scary/////////////

her son knew that something was amiss....

and by the grace of GOD....
LITERALLY WITH GOD'S HAND GUIDING HER....
she managed to slow down and sidle into a parking spot....
treating the HUMMER a if it were a bicycle really.....

they took a cab home and left the car on the side of the busy avenue...

she couldn't shake the feeling for days afterward....
THAT THEY HAD BEEN SAVED....

when MEN try TOO DAMN HARD...

just stay with this thought pattern for a moment, if you will...
I've been experiencing a new and shocking reality...
MEN are the needy ones !!!
FINALLY....
I see ALL TOO WELL...
that it is INDEED a myth.....
 that the culprits of being too NEEDY are us women !!!
I've literally had to sit these 3-legged neanderthals down and read them the RIOT ACT !!
And WHAT"S UP with "NO" meaning "MAYBE" ???
mind you, I'm NOT referring to SEX here....
just stupid, menial things like talking on the phone, texting, and incessant Emailing....
I SAID THAT  I"M TOO BUSY !!!!
what about that statement is NOT CLEAR ??
it's shocking really....
all along we've been called EMOTIONAL and HORMONAL, blah...blah....
I'm here to tell you, LADIES,
THAT WE WOMEN ARE THE SANE ONES !!!
just sayin....

I've heard tell that ATOP 'HAR HATZOFIM' (MT. SCOPUS)....

there sits an ORACLE....
that he is VERY, VERY large.....
and that his skin GLOWS even from afar, as one approaches.....
I've heard that this GIGANTIC PROPHET can shift and shape and MANIFEST
one's dreams, aspirations, goals, and desires into REALITY with the twist
of his wrist and the wave of the white SCARF 
that he holds wrapped around his CHUMASH (bible)...
I've heard that his MERE COUNTENANCE can make one feel SAFER and more PROFOUNDLY SECURE than one has ever deemed possible...
in fact, the name of the MOUNTAIN...
HAR HATZOFIM, loosely translated, 
implies a place from which to WATCH OVER JERUSALEM....
perhaps....NO DEFINITELY !!!....
we should pay him a visit !!!
I wonder whether I can just 'drop in'....
Do you think i need an appointment ??
HAPPY NEW YEAR, my loves....
GODDESS X

the spirit world was so close to the edge of the density...

she awoke with the keenest sensation that her father had visited her during the night....
he had died over six years ago...
and yet she was 100% certain that she'd had a lengthy conversation with him
only last night...
he was having a party with the wife and the little son he'd lost in Auschwitz....
somewhere above the clouds...
and they were celebrating something...
she supposed it was a celebration of REUNION...
she sensed that her dad had forgotten his earthly family entirely...
forgotten HER...
she felt betrayed,,
AND yet she somehow understood....
as she stretched and yawned and became fully awake ....
she suddenly remembered with a start.....
that today was DECEMBER 31st....
her father's birthday....
and in that moment...
she realized beyond the shadow of a doubt
that he had come to earth in order to let her know that
HE WAS STILL HERE......watching...

Can We Determine How Our Year Will Play Out ??

How will we treat this new year of 2011?
Will we resolve to "be kinder, gentler?
Will the Middle East finally find PEACE ?
Will OBAMA QUIT ????
(we can hope!)
Will our children do BETTER in school?
Will the LOVE which we've been YEARNING for finally APPEAR ?
Will we keep up with the EVER UNDULATING, fitness routine ?
Will our SOLE DETERMINATION adjust the EPIC
OUTCOME of things hither and fro ?
What can we DO to create abundance and creativity and vernacular PROFUNDITY ?
THOUGHTS, MY LOVES ??