the prodigal son.......and the moon.......

CLICKETY CLACKETY......

those video games are paving the path toward insanity......i say!!

clicking clacking devices with mega-hero, super-dilious, cyber-

creature status..........

and LEMONS for the weary........limes for the mundane......

MIAMI DOLPHINS speaking FRENCH!!!!!

who can tell where this will lead???

will super mario inherit the earth.............

OR..................

will the tax free gifts be enough???

pasta will be served during recessionary times!!!

its OK!!!!

REALLY.......

there was no pasta being served in Auschwitz........

its not really soooo bad, guys........

blue lagoons and room service pasta.........

ALL GOOD.........

TRUE DATTT...........

people are dying, exploding, morphing, interjecting.........

INjecting........for cryin out loud!!!!

MORPHINE NEEDED.............TRUCKLOADS FOR THE TRAVELERS IN THE HALLWAYS OF SUNSHINE........

stay alive, my people...........

its trending upward........

no question........

blue blue water.........

there is nothing, but nothing, like the ocean to get those 'nostalgic' biorhythms flowing.....

feelings, aromas, flavors of yesteryear.......poignant.......

memories of times long ago..........

times when hope was young.......

the stakes were not nearly as high.......

or certainly didnt seem so to us......

we were children, after all.........

just kids.......

having silly times.......crazy times........

heartbreaks.........ecstacy...........just kids........

interestingly, we reenter the very same scene now, and the intrinsic familiarity of it, makes us feel 'at home'.......

what is it, after all, that keeps us living in those urban pressure cookers anyway???

seriously......

why do that to ourselves??

its masochistic........its absurd really.......

we get stuck in things and in places that dont even resonate with who we are.......

and then we, in point of fact, BECOME those very places.......

but when reacquainted, even for a moment, with the 'chill' of who we REALLY are.....

there appears a window, just a sliver perhaps, when we can see a very clear and resonant pathway in which to affect permanent and life-affirming change.......

the question then arises......WILL WE BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO TAKE THE LEAP TO THE OTHER SIDE??

precocious and optimistic and really very very sensible........

so.........WHY NOT???

GLOVES OFF!!!

LETS DO IT!!!

SHAK ROLLS AS SHAK ROLLS........

'IT IS ALL, MOST CERTAINLY, A PROCESS'.......

SAYS SHAK........

PROFOUND IN ITS UTTER SIMPLICITY........

THE CORE, REALLY, OF ALL......

WE SIMPLY EXIST EXISTENTIALLY........

WE EAT......WE SLEEP.......WE RIDE.......WE ROLL.......

WE SQUEEZE MINUTES FROM THE HOURGLASS OF LIFE

AS IF WE WERE SQUEEZING FRESH ORANGES IN ORDER TO EXTRACT THE JUICE.....

"GET THE MOST OUT OF EACH AND EVERY SEGMENT"......

SAYS THE GUY AT GRAYS PAPAYA.......

SQUEEEEEZE THAT BABY..........

TAKE IT FOR ALL ITS GOT!!

THE QUESTION THEN ARISES.......

WHAT OF THE DEBRIS??

THE LEFT OVER RIND OF THE ORANGE?

THE PART THAT WILL, THEY CLAIM, BIODEGRADE, IN TEN THOUSAND YEARS??

WHAT ARE WE LEFT WITH AFTER ALL IS SAID AND SQUEEZED??

AND WHAT OF THOSE WHO DISAPPOINT US SO PROFOUNDLY, THAT THERE ARE REALLY NO WORDS TO

DESCRIBE THE EMOTION??........

THERE IS NO RED THAT IS RED ENOUGH...........

NO BLACKNESS BLACK ENOUGH.........

ONE CAN HOPE FOR A PROPHET TO APPEAR........

TO FIX THE MIGHTY MESS WEVE FOUND OURSELVES BENEATH.........

IS IT REALLY ALWAYS OUR FAULT??

THE MESS?

IS IT OUR FAULT AT ALL??

MESS HAPPENS.........SPILLS OCCUR.......VIOLATIONS ARE

PERPETRATED...........

IF WE HAD IT TO DO ALL OVER AGAIN, WOULD WE DO IT ANY DIFFERENTLY REALLY??

THE PROPHET SAYS 'NO'.........

'YOU CIVILIANS WITH THE BLOWN HAIR'........

'YOUD DO IT EXACTLY THE SAME WAY AGAIN!!!'

THEN WHAT IS THE POINT OF THE LESSON??

WHAT IS SHAK TRULY TEACHING US ABOUT THE WORLD??

ABOUT THE HIERARCHY OF LIFE??

IS IT A PROCESS OR A WINDFALL TYPE SITUATION??

DOES LUCK PLAY A ROLE IN SHAKS ROLL???

IS IT ABOUT THE TRADE, AFTER ALL??

OR THE INVESTMENT??

GIVE ME THE ANSWERS, MR PROPHET.........

I AM IN CRITICAL AND INSATIABLE NEED OF THOSE SOLOMONIC SOLUTIONS.........

THE JUICE GLASS IS FULL......

THE HOUR IS UPON US........

PULP INCLUDED, IN ORDER TO FEEL THE SWEET

LIQUID MATTER NOURISHING OUR SOULS.....

DRINK, BROTHERS........

BE MERRY.........

LUCKY IS THE DAY........

DRINK YOUR YOUR FRESHLY SQUEEZED, LUXURY BROTH,

AND BE SATED...........

I AM GODDESS XREBBETZIN: yonder blitzen and schmulik.......

I AM GODDESS XREBBETZIN: yonder blitzen and schmulik.......

I AM GODDESS XREBBETZIN

I AM GODDESS XREBBETZIN

convoluted disrapture........

we mix things up........

we 'bundle' everything into tight, little, net sacks of stuff, and then we 'react' to the entire thing 'en masse', rather than simply taking one issue at a time and dealing with it........

maybe WE dont do that...........

its quite possible that its ME whos the culprit here.......

no matter......

the point is.......

when faced with multiple issues , take a step back, my friends,

and try to dissect what it is thats really underneath the piles of rubbish and bravado weve been hiding behind.........

perhaps with some searching of the soul......

a bit of meditation thrown in for good measure........

we can unearth the pain and confusion that sleep on bunkbeds

in the caves inside our hearts.........

perhaps its time to purchase a 'trundle' bed' or a queen!!!

ive got to run.......

need to go bed shopping!!!

the colors..........

pinks and reds and golds......

oozing warmth, depth, permeating

the energetic field with possibility......



laughter and candles and intimate friends......



seems really to be what lifes about......



what else, after all, really matters???



sometimes things are just right......and thats it......just right......



so.......

im feeling the need, preachy as it may sound, to give you all some tidbit of advice......humbly, if i may......



enjoy those moments of utter tranquility and intimacy.......

inhale them.......



for they are few and far between......



and somewhere tonight, theres a family suffering over an illness thats taken its position in overwhelming proportion......



and they arent feeling the 'oozing pinkness' that im feeling.....

they are decidedly not the lucky ones tonight.......

big question on table........

why the need for such extreme privacy??

to what end??

i seem to be filled with some kind of guilt......

whats that about??

curiouser and curiouser.......

after all......

single, white, female.......right??

what have my past experiences taught me........

or rather........what have they so repelled me against?

why am i ridden with this need for such extreme discretion?

is it possible that ive taken the privacy issue a bit too far......

and now i cant get back!!

im swimming out there with the sharks, and i cant reach dry land!!!

but i must!!!!

WE must!!!

for out there, amid the 'blood waters'.........(akin to the Nile).......

its DANGEROUS!!!!

and DEADLY!!!!

problem is...........its dangerous on dry land as well.......

conundrum........

were caught, all of us, in webs of our own making........

weve spun these webs from the finest silk worms in the chinese market.......

and weve entangle and enmeshed ourselves into the epicenter of 'said webs'.......

and we simply cannot escape the entanglements.......

even though the silken threadwork is so fine.....

we dwell inside these tents weve pitched.......

on gravel roads.......

atop featherbeds.......

confusing........ to say the least.........

night.........evening contemplation........

when it is very still.......

when night has fallen deeply into position......

i can process the events of the day......

the madcap flights of fancy........



i can regroup and reconnoiter......



having made it through, in my inimitable, frenetic fashion.......

yet another day of parking tickets, starbucks, and a plethera of other nonsymbiotic , yet even handedly familiar, karmically
silly and superfluous happenings......

and then...........the DATE........

YIKES!!!

THE DATE!!!!

what if............
how will............
im not.........

im out of it before im even IN it!!!!
i have got to stop the cycle of commitment-phobia.......

i know what ur thinking........
how can a 'serial-marrier' be a COMMITMENT-PHOBE???

thats just it, my friends.....
jump in...........jump OUT......
no glue adhesively sticking me onto the guys hip........
would that there were such a glue.......

strong enough to make me stay.......

wow!!!
ELMERS would freakin clean up!!!!!
we would go soooo lonnnng the market on such a product!!!!

oy vey.........
trepidation........
little bit o somethin somethin n somethin.......

i dont know........

what to wear???
sandals and fur.........DUHHH.......

being picked up in the 'quint////'

an escalade with a driver.......
guys got my number!!!
true DATTT...........

what about the 'other' ???

im not being fair......i know........

easier to go out with someone i WONT like!!!

i will keep you POSTED!!!!
GET IT???

hot guy in a mini cooper.........

whats up with those 'user-friendly', eco....green.......planet-friendly......CARS???

i know........i know......

im the woman who told you not to overuse paper......to save a tree......

I KNOW......I KNOW.......

BUT CMON........

seriously, dudes, a 6'3" stud in a MINI COOPER is just NOT COOL......

PERIOD........

i just cant.......i WONT and i CANT!!!!

no matter HOW HOT the guy is!!!!

its an OXYMORON!!!!

some things have just got to retain their 'studliness'.....

non-negotiably so..........

the world turns on its axis......things evolve, deteriorate, biodegrade........

but no matter how fast and furiously they move......

our basic, intrinsic, belief system........

that unwavering 'call to battle'........

its GOT to retain its cementedness........

thats all......

for without our 'givens' being 'nonvariable', we can depend on NOTHING!!

and that shit aint cool......

so lets bag the little, 'dork mobiles'.........

let the parisians claim that prize!!

ill take my hummer.......HANDS DOWN!!

dont sweat this topic........IM REALLY PRETTY TIGHTLY LOCKED INTO THIS POSITION!!!

well argue other dogma..........

thats a promise!!

nite nite, my sweets........

big kiss..........

shall we dance???

it occurs to me , at this particular juncture, that people are 'skirting' virtually everything around them....
their lives have become a sort of 'tai chi', ducking game, whereby dodging the most bullets in a given day, declares them the winners....
it seems that all around us, criminals are being exposed.......
the righteous ones....

the ones wed certainly expect 'better form' from......
THEY are the perpetrators of said 'crimes'........

there are children being left 'fatherless'........

women being left 'husbandless'.......

to be fair.......theres a guy whose wife was just hauled off on that fabled 'paddy wagon'.......

im NOT a sexist!!!

SO WHAT IS GOING ON??

is the economy to blame?

desperate times call for......blah blah.....

how did we get here???

how will we get back??

when will the 'haves' return to their rightfully obnoxious positions???

matzah crumbs for you all to nibble on.......

and so........WE DANCE!!!

i am faithfully and steadfastly your........

GODDESS X............

she sleeps........

peaceful slumber yet eludes her,
for even in that state
which we refer to as 'sleep',
she positions and repositions her mind....
in somewhat of an exhausting fashion.......
unbeknownst to her.......
as she seems to actually be ASLEEP!!

no rest for her.....poor girl.....

shes lived and relived so very many lives.....

many faces......various masks.........

her mind is constantly turning.......undulating....
spiralling.....
mad-cap plans.....inventions....

creativity oozes from her skin and hair.....
electric in light of its 'shockability'..........

she craves sleep.......

but she craves much moreso for the morning........

for in the morning, she can execute the plans.....
make her 'mark' upon the day.....

she will....by god......
permeate the air with her sheer
force......
she will wreak havoc upon the ones who REALLY SLEEP.....
for they must be awakened!!!

time is running out!!!

they can still have some modicum of value.....worth.....

perhaps they can even affect change.....

they would, indeed, need to cancel their hairdressing appointments....

in order to save a life.....

im not a hundred percent convinced that theyd reschedule.....

shallow and conspicuous cosumpters....

but dont be hatin, my friends......
they dont know another way...

thats the sleepless girls job.....

to 'reteach' them.......
the slumberjacks.....

yonder blitzen and schmulik.......

missletoe........
partridges in pear trees......
what the hell is a partridge in a pear tree???
and how can it possibly relate to santa clause????

and rudolph???
was he a field marshal???

its all verrry mysterious....

i get the latkah thing.....
no explanations needed.....

but all that 'eggnogulation'.......
dont freaking know what to say.....

a jew is a jew is a jew......
thats all i got....

mine is the mission statement of eating flanken.......
walking very very quickly to shul.....
and debating even the most trivial of subject matter......adnauseum.....

its who we are.....
no sloughing the dna off with a quick, lunchtime peel....
no.... no... siree.....

we are the chosen ones.....

we shake those palm branches and lemons.......
and we cover our heads.....
and we lament.......

and we bless our children on shabbos......

and we dont really know 'blitzen'.....

in point of fact,we once tried to cut off his horns to present to the rabbunim to blow on rosh hashana......

but he WOULD NOT hear of such blasphamy.....

so he FLEW off into the snowy sky.......(was it september?)

and one could here him in the distance, crying........
........"ONWARD SHMULIK!!!!"

patience is a stolen virtue........

patience has been STOLEN from me!!!
ive searched high and low.....
cant find it!!
not in the sock drawer.....looked under the sink......
checked even the secret hiding place!!!
cant find my PATIENCE.......

what to do???
awkward, to say the least, to be saddled with the absense of patience.....

and im, sadly, forgetting the sound of its voice....
patience is a fading memory in my esteemed cadre of memoir.......

im trying to feel what it felt like as it wrapped its benevolent wings around my anxiety-ridden body...
enveloping me in its transluscent tranquility.....

i must rebirth another anthropomorphic form of patience....
for without it......
this girls on the edge......

teetering.....impatiently......

those who wait.....yes.....
they are correct.......
their behavior modification therapy has worked......

they are the holders of the trophy.....

good things have come to those who have waited!!!

NO NO......
they are not sitting ducks.....
i really must stop judging them so harshly......
they are complacent.....
perhaps they practice yoga....

their breathing excersises have earned them the 'waiters
trophy'.......

okay.....
admittedly, that trophys not on the top of my chanukah list!!
but it looks very well indeed atop their built-in bookshelf.....

perhaps the criminal.....the one who stole my patience will return it!!!
no questions asked....

i will then, clearly, have to enter the witness protection program....

would that i had the answers to this dilema.....

perhaps if i sit verrrrry still.....patiently....
my lost virtue will return........perhaps....

one can dream!!!

laughter and friendship......

i spent this evening literally howling with laughter......
theres nothing, my friends, but nothing, that warms the heart like sitting down with a great friend and laughing your asses off!!!
gotta laugh, man......
in the face of all this gloom and doom and hypothyroidism.....
the abyss of economical disaster......
the new pres..............mmm....

A BIT OF LEVITY, SIRS......
all is most decidedly not lost.......
have we come to take ourselves so seriously, that weve lost perspective entirely?

and then we sit down with a pal and share anecdotes and dumplings and tears and veritable minefields of stuff.......
and we LAUGH, man.....

and our souls are lifted......
and the problems......well.....dont seem so
insurmountable after all.....

hell.....they climbed out of the ditches of auschwitz,
for gods sake.....

we can probably handle 'flying coach'!!

tidbits for us SERIOUS, IMPORTANT ones to toss around in those inflated heads of ours!!

"oh yes, we can....."

old aquaintances.........

is it true that the most profound of relationships appear in the very moment in which one has let go of the chase?
the chase, the capture, the decomposure........

BORRRRINGGGGG.........

the whole game, man.......
gets old.....
futile...excersise in futility......

you find yourself, obnoxiously saying things to a 'gal-pal' like......
"another one bites the dust!"
"here i go again"
"serial marrier"
etc......
you get my drift.......

so.....then.......

what of an old aquaintance who has always had your distant and distinct interest.......
from afar.....

what of him??

what happens when something kind of insinuates into your life without even announcing itself?

ya turn around.....'ossgedated'.......

and there HE is.......
and for some unknown reason, you trust him profoundly and deeply.....

and this woman dont trust on a dime......
BELEEEE DATT!!

whats up with this??

ponder......goddesssxrebb.....
only answer in these situations......
ponder the shit outta this thing........
or not.....

let those cards be dealt....
hit blackjack!!
pay dirt


AND GO IMMEDIATELY TO SEE THAT MAN ABOUT THAT HORSE!!!

addictions........admissions of such.......

what are addictions?

what defines an 'addictive' personality?

is an addict a 'pleasure seeker'??

is he looking for thrills.......addicted to the adrenalyn rush?

addicted to the 'fall from grace'??

is it wrong to be a thrill seeker?

whats so frightening about being addicted to pleasure??

so what if it numbs the pain??

or is a true 'addict' a person who can only sustain his highs, based

solely upon his lows???

so that the 'addiction' then becomes a sort of rollercoaster ride.....

"see how high i can go!!!"

"and now look at me.........DOWN HERE......"

"I WILL NEVER BE IN THE SAME PLACE FOR LONG"

THERE IT IS......

thats what defines an addict.........

not here........not there........

manic.....

HIGHS........LOWS........

somehow akin to a 'commitment-phobe'......

(commitment-tobe!)

never really settling anywhere.........

searching for the ecstatic bliss.........missing out on the mundane delights.........

thinking them mundane.......

ordinary.......

everyday delights........trivialities........

chocolate kisses.....

windex.........

dental floss......

ahoy, mate!!

you might be missing the boat, brother!!!!......

its leaving the dock.........

a veritable cargo ship, piled high with abundant offerings........

peppermints.........baby powder...........

ASAIL TO FIGI...........

why did you let them go, oh you crazy, drunken sailor????

you couldve had it all!!!

the floss.......the mints........the sea-sickness........

but instead you chose NOTHINGness......NOWHEREness......

youve outsmarted yourself with your sojournings.........

ended up in a tent on the side of a dirt road.......

no shoes.......no sweater.......no umbrella.......

just insurmountable bags filled with benedryl and tissue paper.......

impressive...........very impressive..........

strange occurences.......

have you ever been in that moment.......

where things are happening so swiftly and coincidentally, that its abundantly and

nonnegotiably clear to you that

'somethings going on'.......(cosmically).........

you want a qtip........and you get into a cab.......

and sitting there, wrapped in shiny, new celophane, is a QTIP!!

further...........you begin speaking in dialects that you simply DO NOT KNOW!!!

HOW CAN THAT BE??

past lives??

hmmm........

you become a sort of 'magnet'......

people are drawn to you in EXTREME ways.......

they want a piece of you......they want to live in your pocket, so that they can smell the aroma of your 'being' all day long......

so that they can somehow, through some kind of osmosis, live your experiences.......

its fascinating,,,,,,truely,,,,,,how perceptions are merely perceptions......

glamour is as glamour does...............

truth be told........living in THESE SHOES is highly overrated...

these shoes create callouses.........athletes foot.........

the soles are worn out from marching to that metranome-like beat theyve been hearing all these years......

these shoes are high and platformed and they create an overall

bravado picture, AS IS EXPECTED........

but the girl walking inside those platforms........

she doesnt resemble your 'bravado princessa' whatsoever.........

shes just a girl.........from out west.......

scrapin by.........

she cant really help it if the scrapin oozes mystery, glamour, and sensuality.......

she is, after all..........

your 'goddess xrebb'...........

belgium.......new york........

we are connected.......

all of us........

by 'matter'........

density.....

ethereal thread..........

woven from one good 'angel' to another......

a higher being sits behind the loom , whilst the angels run laps in preparation for the 'angel marathon'!!!

who will be the winner????

which will become 'boss' for a day???

meandorings........

things i 'dare' to say aloud......

reconstructionist, in a way........but NOT...........

searching for the most elusive of answers, amid turbulent 'non-waters'......

i am stupefied by the array of possible answers.......

how can we actually commit, in that case???

well, theres my answer for the 'non-commitment'........

as if.......

truffles are callin his name........

hes soooooo hungrrrry.........

incubating, really............

excrutiating.........

hot and chocoholic............my little one.......my bone man..........

my blood son...........

my bren............

truffilific!!!!

traffic chocolates!!!

to be eaten only in extreme traffic jams!!!!

lonely little fleur d bleu............

blue flower

flower of winter

long stemmed and eagle-eyed

french and malifluos.......sinewy............

compadres.......one and all.........they are

a deeper blue than twilight.......

a wandering, lost, petulant waif.........

twilight flower......

i seek you out......

you complete the spectrum of chromatic melody.........

channelling.........i AM.......

for french is decidedly NOT my tongue......

and french has found its way into my bloodstream......

un petit peu......

just a little bit!!

in honour of elizabeth.........

will you love me forever????

is anything really forever?
a question with myriad responses........
depending upon external elements......
rain, hbo, state of the economy., etc......

can we depend on 'forever'?
what if, amid forever, someone close dies?
what if the car breaks down?

what if we promise ourselves, body and soul, to someone.......
and the very next day.......we meet someone else???

what if we become slaves to the external forces??
to the internal forces??

what if chanukah happens to fall out in 'may'????
what if???

forever........and ever.........

i dont see it, my friends.......
cant imagine it..........
dont really wanna imagine it.......

let them eat cake.......for gods sake.........

OH ME .......OH MY!!!!!!

LOST POSTINGS!!!!

SOMEWHERE IN CYBERSPACE.........

TOMATOES, VUITON BAGS, BIG GULP VAN DRIVERS................

DOMILICIOUS........TREPIDACIOUS........

'TURKEYS OF YORE'!!!!

ON LOVE........RELATIONSHIPS.........LOW CARBS!!!

"YES WE CAN"!!!!!!

GONE........TERMINADO!!!!

WELL.........WHAT DOES ONE DO IN THE FACE OF LOST CYBERMINUTIA???

"BACK THAT SHIT UP, WOMAN!!!"

I AM FAITHFULLY AND DUMBFOUNDEDLY YOUR..........

GODDESSXREBB...........

the 'uber menchen'

are we, in point of fact, the chosen ones???

would that i had a magen david on which to nail myself, so that i could begin to feel that 'divine' sense of having been chosen....

but alas, NOT happening..........

i wonder what he was feeling, bleeding from that cross........
in front of ALL those people.........

i often have felt that, somehow, jesus was chuckling........

not really at all in line with the melodramatic allegory man has created.........
but rather simply amused somehow..........

the martyrs...........they know how to manipulate the crowd, boy.......
ill tell you.........
to be 'spoken about'..........
revered.........
even prayed to..........

impressive really..........

how far can that kind of charisma lead one??

what are the negative implications of going down in the history books as a hero for all time??

imagine the enormous responsilbilty........
having an entire religion designed around your fall from 'grace'!!!

and ironically .........you then BECOME that very 'grace'........

food for thought.........
peppermints........eggnog, i guess!!
matzah ball soup???
ehhhhhhh...........

contemplation bequeathed........

i bequeath unto you.........the royal 'you'........
unlimited deservingness and entitlement.........
this humilty thing............ALL WRONG........to its very core!

you DESERVE to have everything!!
and why not??
who determined that it would be so arduous......so exhausting???
who???

i say...........from this moment forward.........
we all.........en masse.........have licence and ability and unilateral
ability..........unilateral SUPER-ability!!.........to enjoy and inhabit the much-coveted place of EXTREME OWNERSHIP!!!

that being said, with this much desired position, come a few.......only a few.......mandated caviats..........

read on.............

one.............OWN IT........
be completely and totally in your moment and in
your body..........

two.............ENJOY IT.......
DO NOT allow yourself..........not even for a split
second, to feel guilty, undeserving, irrelevant......

three...........REVEL IN THE SPLENDOR.......
of having actualized that which has opened the
door to the cornucopia of feelings and objects and
emotions and yearnings and bliss that you have aspired toward in the recesses of your most fantastical meandorings.......

finally..........BE GRATEFUL........
for having been born with these magnificent tools
...........with the ability to make manifest objects of your furthest and foremost desires.......
BE VERY VERY GRATEFUL INDEED!!!

and please please FLOSS!!!!

on the edge........

perched......
teetering.......
precariously we sit........
almost wishing to tip over
.........no decision making left at that point.......
we luvvv the edge.........
that place where the adrenolin is pumped way up........
why??
why are we addicted to that kind of high??
what is it about the human condition that makes people one way or the other?
there are those that live to be secure......need security in order to function.......even, idare say, at the risk of their own measure of happiness........
NO WAYYYY.........
not me.........
ecstasy above security........
hmmm........
perhaps ive miscalculated.........
perhaps those security mongers are onto something.......
the edge.........
gotta have it!
gotta feel it!!!
the rush........
still MUST see that man about that horse!!!

true story.......

so i remembered a story today that struck me as so hilarious at the time.......
still does.......
one of my friends had a sectretary.......
this woman had worked for the firm for most of her life.......the secretary....
the woman was in her late 60s.......
had saved throughout her life,
and had managed as a single person to live modestly,
on a sectretarys salary.........

so this woman comes into the office one monday morning, and announces proudly that shed WON THE LOTTERY!!!

36 MILLION DOLLARS!!!

so my friend,
dumbfounded, yet very happy for this nice, simple lady,
asked her when she would be tendering her resignation.........

obviously the woman no longer needed employment as a sectretary.......
or anything else, for that matter........

heres the part of the story that just kills me..........

the woman lived in a tiny one bedroom in queens.......
she had lived in this apartment ,
in a rather drab area of queens for over 40 years.......

her response to her employer was that she would be staying on in her very average income job,
and that she would finally be able to redecorate her apartment, but that she had absolutely no intention of doing ANYTHING
else out of the ordinary........

and so.........

one can learn any number of lessons from a given situation.......

in the torah is states........
"the one who is rich is the one who is happy with his share"

this woman very clearly loved her life.......
she was attatched to her home........
she enjoyed her work.......
she, very likely, liked the train and the hot cup of coffee she sipped so comfortably each and every morning before boarding......

this woman was happy with her routine......
OVERJOYED to redecorate and purchase a new sofa.....

truth be told..........

I WANT TO BE THAT WOMAN!!!!!

please......please.......allow me to feel that kind of tranquility, even just for a moment.......

i wonder what that kind of comfort in ones own skin would feel like........
what would it taste like to be satisfied??

i guess, my friends, that i dont really find the story all that hilarious after all............
i find it compelling.........

I WANT TO BE THE WOMAN IN THE APARTMENT IN QUEENS........
sipping coffee from her new mug on her new sofa........

CREDIT CRRRRRRUNCHHHHHHHHH

are we sitting amidst a recession???

YA THINK??

a depression??

an ass-backward capitalist melodrama???

is american express literally BEGGING for payments??

are there more appealing bargains in the 'back room' at llohmans than on the trading floor of the dreaded 'marketplace'?

did the shorts squeeze that freaking toothpaste soooo hard , that our teeth are rotting as a result??

those tomatoes.........you know the ones.........the ones in the pretty, clear container...........the ones with the stems........

(the expensive ones!!)

are they on sale??

because of a shelf-life situation??

the man in the turban is giving tomatoes away on the corner??

hmmm........

should we take a leap and try them???

israeli salad for all??

questions to ponder VERRRRY CAREFULLY............

DUPLICITY...DUALITY......

"you lead two lives", he said...........

jarrrrring words....... two lives??? me???

one-dimentional, single-minded me???

me...........the girl who slam dunks the basket from the top of the key??

the jew , prominently seated in the front row of the synagogue????

the mommy parked complacently in the hummer, waiting for baby boy??

is a 'complacent hummer' oximoronic??(side thought!

what is this 'mad man' saying???

why is it stinging my cheeks, as if ive been slapped in the face??

dont we all have different sides to our personas?

why am i being pulled in that direction?

why do women want 'bad boys'??

boys who put them down, while raising them to new heights........

do we look for punishment?

do we, after all is said and done, WANT to be tormented??

are we masachists with mezuzot hanging on our doorposts???

we find safety in the rutual, all the while yearning for danger......

please explain, dear readers........

give me the insights on these utterly schizophrenic-like desire compulsions.......

commentaries welcome.......... i am, humbly,your........

GODDESS XREBBETZIN........

duality........

so the master boldly states, "you lead two lives"........
huh???
moi??
the princessa??
two lives??
how bout 'half a life'??

got me thinking........

per usual.......
toooo much thinking in this head of mine.......
thoughts battling emotions........
crushed ideas......
razor sharp teeth in this mind........
over freaking extended.........

I HAVE GOT TO SEE A MAN ABOUT A HORSE......
no other alternative really.......
lets face it............

TWO LIVES???
i barely have time for one!!!

what on earth did he mean??'
he of the 'underworld'.......
he of dark light..........
he of hollow propositions.........
the dominator.........
being dominated.........
ME being dominated
.......sucked in HARD............

whatever will become of such an absurd revelation??