On DATING.....So it goes like this....

So it goes like this....

They're either 'pretty hot and ridiculously inappropriate'...

or....

They're 'really nice, not so hot, and there is ABSOLUTELY NO CHEMISTRY'....

or....

They're 'WAY too young, really hot, and WAY TOO YOUNG'...

LOL

or....

uhhh...

or there IS chemistry of a sort, only held at bay...(BY YOU!)

because SOMETHING on their RESUME just doesn't add up...

Could it be their supremely, GOYISH NOSE....

 puggishly tilted upward,,,,,,

just beneath the KIPPAH they've rented for the evening ???

or....

They look GOOD,

 but they can't remotely STRING 2 WORDS together with any grain of intelligence,

and you're LITERALLY FALLING ASLEEP AT THE TABLE !!

or FINALLY....

(worst case scenario)

They are SO HIDEOUSLY UGLY that

you'd literally RATHER WALK HOME IN THE  TORRENTIAL RAIN

 than be seen getting into a CAR with them....

Oyyyy...

What's a girl to do ???

THE NEW ADDICTION

The NEW ADDICTION

The Most Addictive Drug 2011

Truth time, my loves...

The addiction market has taken a major swing from drugs and alcohol

to "SITTING ON FACEBOOK DAY AND NIGHT ALONE !!!"

Researchers are logging into FACEBOOK and TWITTER constantly,

in order to FIND A CURE !!!

What are the LETHAL and/or DANGEROUS side effects of this CRAZINESS, you ask ??

1) LOSING ALL OF YOUR REAL FRIENDS...

2) BECOMING LETHARGIC AND STAGNANT...

3) LIVING IN A FANTASY FISHBOWL, WITHOUT EVER TOUCHING UPON REALITY...

4) VARICOSE VEINS...

5) OBESITY

6) DIVORCE

etc...etc...

Take a good, hard look at yourselves, people...

If you believe yourself to be "Addicted to Facebook", we have established a FACEBOOK HOTLINE...

1 (800) GET REAL....

Fascinating thing about perceptions and reality...

From where I sit,

things may seem FABULOUS , HOPEFUL, MOMENTOUS even....

While YOU are viewing and/or experiencing  the SAME,

 REPLICATED scenario....

and gleaning DEFEAT, QUAGMIRE,  etc..

And so...

What ARE the 'precipitating factors'

which culminate in order to create our very own,

 individual perspective ?

Where does OUR REALITY come from ?

Is OUR REALITY.... truly REALITY at all ?

Who can answer this accurately ?

After all....What IS reality ??

What is TRUTH ?

Is MY truth the same as YOUR truth ?

Are there UNIVERSAL TRUTHS ???

Do DNA, learned behavior, inherent beliefs...

 play a significant part in our ULTIMATE perceptions ?

Ahhhh....

yet ANOTHER EXISTENIAL DILEMMA set forth by moi ,

for you to chew on....

There is no real explanation for why one is attracted to another...

...and so it was that the deadly, poisonous snake fell

MADLY in love with the soft, white, innocent bunny...

Her very INNOCENCE,

 in point of fact,

was what so keenly ATTRACTED him to her in the first place...

her sweet, genuine smile....

her big, hopeful eyes....

her complete LACK of experience....

her INGENUE...

And HE, (the snake), was CUNNING...

a predator....

Oh, YES...

He wielded power and charisma...

He made promises to be kind and gentle with her...

He lived in a FABULOUS, OPULENT, snake pit...

while she lived in a simple rabbit hole....spare and cozy....

SHE should have KNOWN better !!

Her instincts were virtually screaming at her to RUN the other direction....

that there was DANGER here with this SERPENT....

But his TONGUE...

OHHH !

HIS TONGUE...

It lured her in hopelessly, irrevocably....

How, you ask, had a SNAKE met a RABBIT ???

I mean, their social circles HARDLY overlapped....Right ??

Well...truth be told....

It was on an inter-animal, dating site...

ALL SPECIES were allowed to register...

The snake had POUNCED upon her, as innocent prey....

I can't REALLY tell you how this story ends....

I have heard, however, that the bunny is in the hospital in JERUSALEM....

suffering from MAJOR wounds and cuts...

It would appear that she has been unwillingly mollested....

BUT SHE'S NOT TALKING...

That's all I know...

So....Missy came across a GROUPON....

for skin injectables, fillers, etc...

and the deal was SO COMPELLING, that she figured she'd check it out...

for it NEVER hurts to gather info on injectables when you re a woman over 35 !

She called the office listed on the GROUPON page,

and the only time available for a "consultation" was verrrrry, verrry early in the morning....

(Missy had never been an EARLY MORNING kinda gal...)

Nonetheless....

the GROUPON was "calling her name"...

no question about it...

So, she took the absurdly early appointment for the next day...

The alarm rang at the CRACK of dawn...

She rolled sluggishly out of bed....

threw on a pair of old sweats and some inside-out teeshirt...

got in the car, and drove the half hour to the Drs office....

Now, here's the thing....

I'm gonna try VERY HARD not to be UN--- PC right now...

Missy knew the neighborhood where the good Dr was located...

and knew it to be predominately ASIAN....

So, she ASSUMED that the Dr would be ASIAN...

How to explain this??   

mmm...

In light of this assumption,

she further ,

made the RASH SWEEPING GENERALIZATION that

the DR would be a "mad scientist" type....

nerdy....tiny....

LOL

and that he would be focused SOLELY on the injectables...

but NOT on HER particularly ...or on how she was dressed, etc....

My point is that it was NOT her finest hour, vis a vis her appearance...

NOT by a long shot !!!

So...

IMAGINE her surprise when FREAKING,  ""DR Mc STEAMY""

came out to greet her !!

GORGEOUS !!!

A DROP DEAD GORGEOUS, 6'5", plastic surgeon who did the injectables on the side...

(NOT Asian !!)

She suddenly felt EXTREMELY self conscious,

and WISHED that she had AT LEAST brushed her hair....her teeth....whatever...

I really have NO IDEA why I'm sharing Missy's silly, little story with you !!

(The injectables were administered brilliantally, by the way !)

Dr Taj G Khan

201 313 8899

Don't you wish....

that the " NO CARBS" info had never come to light ?

Doesn't it SUCK to go to a barbecue and have the burgers and hot dogs with no buns ???

Don't you miss the days of just "eating a freakin' SANDWHICH' ???

When did a slice of PIZZA become a reason for SHAME and REGRET ?

and for God's sake....

Where is the MIGHTY DR ATKINS now ???

Did he die of a massive coronary ??

From eating butter and steak and cheese all day ??

It's too frustrating for words...

And yet....

WE SO WANT TO LOOK GOOD...

and FEEL GOOD....

My goodness....

I spend HOURS upon HOURS in a 110 degree room doing yoga !!

and then I have, as my reward, A SALAD !!!

Damn...

So, my friends....

we plod onward...

in the hope that new and useful info will come to light

and alleviate the painful need to WITHHOLD from ourselves....

But let's face it...

we look AWESOME in our bathing suit today !!!

Am I superficial ??

Is it superficial to care about the way that a man LOOKS ?

to not even give them a chance if their looks are not "up to snuff" ?

Is it ???

I'm not at all sure when I turned the corner on this delicate subject matter....

and started cycling backwards really...

I mean, after all....

The men in my past....ehhh....

not ALL of them were "drop dead gorgeous"...(THIS is an understatement !)

So...what happened ?

Clearly I'm not a bit SHALLOW myself...

This I can say with utmost assuredness....

And yet...and yet....

What happened to LOVE ?

'HEART' LOVE ?

'MIND' LOVE ? 

When did PICKY become the new COMPLACENT ?

just sayin'....

There is a SERIOUS BREACH of HUMANITY happening....

Am I missing something ??

DELTA AIRLINES has partnered with SAUDI ARABIA AIRLINES ???

WHAT ???!!!

Furthermore, the new partner (SAUDI ARABIA) does not ALLOW JEWS or ISRAELIS

 to fly on it ???

WHATTTT ???!!!

Is this NAZI GERMANY incarnate ?

What can you do about this 'unfortunate' turn of events, you ask ???

Well, let me tell you....

First and foremost, you can..

NO..... 

you MUST

 sell every bit of DELTA stock in your portfolio !!

This is completely nonnegotiable !

Second....

 you must apprise EVERY SINGLE PERSON that you come in contact with of this

most LIFE THREATENING partnership....

(It would appear that YELLOW STARS are back in fashion!)

Third....

Take time from your boat or your pool or your BAR BQ....

and write to DELTA in order to share your DISGUST of their behavior...

Fourth....

DO NOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN !!

Use every trick / device/ dollar in your arsenal to STOP support of DELTA....

OK ???

OK ???

The clock on the wall struck 3....

3 AM...
She could not sleep....
tossing and turning throughout the night....
remembering those blue eyes....
that Irish brogue....
that lanky, boyish body of his...
Mmm....
Why did she CONSTANTLY go for the 'bad boys'...
I mean SERIOUSLY....
ENOUGH already...
Why on earth couldn't she just fall for the 55 year old Israeli who owned buildings ??
Why was it ALWAYS the musicians and the slackers who got her attention ??/
She needed to GROW UP....
and yet....
there was a romantic aspect to her ways....to her yearnings...
and the middle aged guys with the 'real estate portfolios'
 just didn't pierce the veil of music and sugar and flowers that sang to her heart.......
OYYY....
What to do ?
She'd been rather fortunate really,
in that the endless trail of suitors continued to grow and prosper....
in and of itself...
DAMN....
those BLUE EYES...
He was so HOT....
What to do....What to do....

They can't take away my spirit !!!

They can take away their GOOGLE ADS,  and then they can stuff 'm up their GOOGLE ASSES....
cuz it'll take a lot more than a little, discombobulated Internet HOO HAA
to get THIS GIRL DOWN !
and they can SPAM me....
and they can DOSSIER the living SHIT outta me....
and they can COVET me...
and they can ENVY me....
But guess what, me com padres ??
They CANNOT get to ME...
So...
from where I sit,
perched on high
 inside of this COZY and IMPENETRABLE, TEFLON shell...
(designed and reconnoitered specifically to REPEL 'them')....
I am pretty freakin' much...
NON PLUSSED....
The question on the SHABBAT TABLE is this....
Can we exist and thrive within the boundaries of our OWN
EXISTENTIAL DILEMMA ??

Abundance....

It can come from the most unlikely places...
Just in that moment when you have reached the END of your LIMITS....
when the camel's back is not only BROKEN....but SHATTERED....
and the poor camel is HOWLING for mercy....
That 'hoped for', MESSIANIC figure....
the one you would NEVER have counted on...
Well..
he rides in on a WHITE...uhhh...
NO !
IN a white convertible...  :}}
(cuz he's been at the beach this summer)...
(Lemme tell you....He's got that ABUNDANCE thing down pat !)
In any case,
he scoops you up out of the SWAMP you've been wading around in......
and he seats you on the passenger side of his 'chariot on wheels'...
and basically...
The two of you ride off.....into FOREVER....
into ABUNDANT FOREVER....
And the parts of the EXTRAS are cast.....
as you pick and choose the players by hand....
Nerry has there been a more FANCIFUL day......

and up and up...

... the spiral staircase we ascend....
climbing ...climbing...
ever higher...
Yet when we look down,
the ground is JUST THERE,
 beneath our feet...
So...
How is it that we are SO WINDED from the CLIMB ??
If, in fact, we haven't even left the ground ??
Is it our ZANY IMAGINATION keeping us ever  hopeful and YOUNG ?
Could it be our MOVIE STAR face ??
continuously giving us FALSE HOPE,
 based upon the frequent and highly irregular
REACTIONS that we get from the crowds ??
Do we even have the CORRECT pair of  'hiking boots',
in order to PLUMP and CUSHION our sore and exhausted feet
from the perpetual climb ??
and...
What do ASPIRATIONS and CHOCOLATE SUNDAES have in common ?
Have we developed a sudden TASTE for CHOCOLATE ??
Perhaps it's the  ELEVATION that has altered our taste buds ?
And...
as we stand perched...
upon the BOTTOM RUNG of the eternal ladder of our existence....
have we ALSO just reached the TOP RUNG ??
Are we in some sort of existential dilemma ???
Has the committee voted yet ???
DO WE EVEN LIKE or NEED COMMITTEES ??
Baa Hummmbuggg...

Horrible, Little People...

Ya know those people who you didn't even notice enough to SPIT on in high school ??
the ones who are continuously and perpetually seated at the shittiest table in the room ?
doomed to having the LEAST bit of status, honour , or recognition ?
The ones who are FOREVER COMPLAINING about their lot in life....
lamenting...whining....
to the extent that EVERYBODY has stopped listening long ago...
(the few who actually cared to listen!)
because honestly,
 they don't seem to have it so bad...
But these people are SO USED to being the ODD MAN OUT...
the FIFTH COLUMN, if you will,
that they complain even BEFORE there's an issue to complain about !
and they get under your FREAKING SKIN...
and they crawl on their hands and knees like vermin...
and they do WHATEVER they can think of,
in order to GET YOUR ATTENTION....
but you are NONPLUSSED....
you don't even give them a bat of an eyelash....
and this makes them CRAZIER and MORE DESPERATE than ever !!
BUT YOU DON'T CARE...
for they are a MERE ANNOYANCE...
a pest...
a fly to swat, if you so desire....
a PIMPLE on your NOSE....
annoying but FINITE really....
and they want SO BADLY for you to SEE them and HEAR them and DESIRE them even...
But that's NOT happening.....
So they show up every so often...
INDIGNANT...
ENRAGED...
and let's face it, TOTALLY ENVIOUS...
just sayin'......

on Independence....

Independence...
a TRICKY concept.....
Are we EVER truly INDEPENDENT ?
Do we even WANT to be INDEPENDENT ?
We fight so hard for our stab at 'standing on our own'...
beholden to no one....
and yet...
in the end of the day...
IS THIS WHAT WE WANT ?
to be ON OUR OWN ?
answerable to NO ONE ?
I'm not so sure that we REALLY comprehend the meaning of INDEPENDENCE....
the IMPLICATIONS therein....
So...
I humbly suggest to you....
that being Dependent upon others is...
healthy...
necessary....
HUMAN......
However....
the concept of "CO DEPENDENCE" ???
a different story altogether, Chumps...
YUCKY....
UN healthy...
YUCKY...
Did I say that already ??
I remember in college I knew this couple...
They got married VERY young...
and WHY do I remember them ??
NOT because we were so close...
or because they were so cool...
NO...
What stands out for me about this couple...
is that they ONLY OWNED ONE KEY to their apartment....
so that...
if one came home and the other one (holding the key!)...
was not home yet....
the first one waited in the lobby !
SOMETIMES FOR HOURS!
This is a prime example of CO DEPENDENCE...
YUCK...
I wonder if they're still married ?...
Happy 4th !!!!