Thursday, December 8, 2011

So, here's a typical anecdote in my life....

one that I experienced only TODAY....

I had made a date, a BLIND date, for lunch today....
(from JDATE!)
The guy's photo looked pretty good,
and after saying "NO" to far too many others,
I took the plunge and said,
"OK"....
So I had this spontanious idea to meet the guy at WHOLE FOODS....
(I LOVE Whole Foods!)
I figured it's innocuous enough....lots of variety, etc.
Here's the drill....
I dolled myself up...(appropriately so for a 12 noon date!)
(no evening gown,,,,but very nice indeed...)
I got there at the appointed time...
and I began to have a "sinking feeling"...
but I really couldn't attribute it to much more than my UNCANNY, 6th sense....
I wandered over to the coffee bar, and ordered a 'hot chocolate'...
(I suppose that I had inadvertently positioned myself in the back of the store
in order to have the ADVANTAGE of seeing HIM before he saw me !)
There was a young woman behind a table offering "cheese"...
She said she'd made it herself, and she REALLY wanted me to try it...
But I just couldn't bring myself to do the CHEESE and HOT CHOCOLATE thing !!
ewwww.....
Anyway, as I stood there,
I began to tell this young woman that I was waiting for a blind date...
and that I was suddenly, irrevocably 'daunted'
by the idea that the guy could be a TOTAL LOSER...
and that I'd have NO WAY OUT....
And so, as I began inching toward the front of the store,
I turned and said over my shoulder,
"If he's totally gross, I'm coming right back here!"
I approached the front of WHOLE FOODS,
and there he was....all 500 lbs of him....
BALD on top....LONG, STRINGY HAIR on the bottom....
and OLD !!!!
I mean REALLY, REALLY OLD!!
I was frozen.......solid....
immovable....
Finally, I slunk and slithered my way over to the vitamin aisle,
hiding between the antioxidants and the natural laxatives....
peeking through to see if he'd left yet...
But....he remained seated....WAITING TO POUNCE...
Well, POUNCE could probably be a tad ambitious...
lol
waiting for ME to appear....
The guy who ran the Vitamin Department saw me squatting down ....
came over and asked if he could help me....
I told him that there was a blind date guy waiting for me, and that I could NOT escape
without him seeing me,
(as he was positioned directly in front of the entrance!) ...
The vitamin guy, intrigued, said,
"Let me take a look...."
He came back 2 seconds later and said.
"OH MY GOD !!!  NO !! NO !! NO !!"
"He is NOT FOR YOU !!!"
"I will go over and kick him out, so that you can leave in peace..."
WE WERE DYING LAUGHING....
Him at the ridiculousness of this blind date....
and ME out of some kind of residual guilt mixed with humiliation and hilarity.....
In any case, he ended up telling the guy that he'd need to leave if he wasn't ordering any food....
JDATE GUY left...
I was free...
OK ??
That's all I got for today.....