On Freedom...

Freedom is NOT really overrated at all...
AU CONTRAIRE...
It seems to me that Freedom is literally a state of  'exposure'...of kindred exposure..
exposure to "options"...MYRIAD options...
In fact,,,
if one were to take a VERY close look in a mirror, while in 'said state',,,
one would quite certainly notice an "opening" of sorts,,,
around the THROAT CHAKRA...
for the throat contracts immediately and TIGHTLY while under stress...
and evidently, according to this humble, blog "mistress",,
it "opens up" ,,,upon a "loosening" of the "to-do" reigns...
Hence,,,,
Being situated in a moment of PURE FREEDOM.........
 can begin to dissolve the essential phlegm hidden, yet highly palpable,
in the body itself...
Is that gross ???
What I'm trying, clumsily, to say....
is....
LIGHTEN UP.....
 

Having EVERYTHING.....

We don our high heels and our fancy feathered boas...
And we parade around with our lovely hair and our "LONG" lashes....
And we're smart and funny and DELIBERATE...
and charming....
Oh, yes...
We are very charming....
And during those moments of receiving....
ATTENTION<<<PRAISE<<<<ACCOLADES....
we find ourselves at the "seeming" APEX of EVERYTHING....
And then...
the realities of life...
the Heartaches....the Bills... (NOT CLINTON!)
the knowledge that we may have 'over-served' that last ball just a bit...
Hell...it flew right over the arched wall of the country club and landed.....
KER_PLUNK!!
in a field of Cotton.....somewhere deep in the past....
In any case,,,
We tend to ebb and flow along with the BIO-RHYTHMIC waves of our tenuous existence....
And that's all I got.... 

I AM GODDESS XREBBETZIN: Fear and Trust...

I AM GODDESS XREBBETZIN: Fear and Trust...: Can Trust help us in eschewing and eradicating our fears

And the days move forward...(apres Mother's Day)

And we don't even notice the time as it FLIES BY right in front of our noses....
And then..
suddenly...
in a flash of CLARITY or just
INTROSPECTIVE STILLNESS really...
TIME slaps us directly in the face..
standing there in all of its sheer bravado and gumption...
And we try to RUN,,,,but our feet are glued to the ground beneath us.....
And we attempt to shut our eyes...
But it's as if invisible toothpicks were holding the lids firmly open.....
And so...
we have no choice whatsoever...
We can only look time SQUARELY in the eye....
And guess what ??
It's not pretty...
The woman standing bent over her walker...
Well...
that' your MOM....
your BEAUTIFUL, ENERGETIC, Piss 'n Vinegar MOM....
But where did all that aforementioned stuff that defined her GO ??
She is frail and tired and her walking is very, very slow....
And you CRY on the inside...
missing that old mom, but loving this one just the same....
And there's a knock on the door...
And you are shaken from your silent reverie......
And so it goes...yet again........

The "Art" of watching someone's back while still guarding your own...

It seems to me..
that a very delicate balance must be reached while watching someone ELSE's back...
so as not to lose track of one's OWN protection mechanism....
Life is filled with overlapping influences....with conspicuously related events...
some perhaps NOT so conspicuous...
But frequent "grey-mattered" questions  of priority continue to rear their ambiguous heads...
For example:
One may give their word to care for another, to "watch his or her back", as it were...
and this oath may very well become more than just a commitment...
It can become more of a CAUSE...a Raison d'Etre...
And somehow, amid the epic and arduous building of said "cause"....
the great "protector" looks up and discovers that he/she has lost his own balance somehow...
Am I making sense ??

Knowing when it's time to cut....

How do we know for sure when to cut someone loose ?
We have put up with their nonsense, coddled them, loved them, ignored them, hated them....
And then, after all of those idiosyncratic gestures are spent.....
there exists a sort of "Elephant" in the room...
a non sequitur...
2+2= 15 somehow....
And into this state of 'unknowing'....of discomfiture...
comes a moment of STUNNING CLARITY....
an essential epiphany...
and we KNOW, unwavering, what we must do....
We must CUT off the cancerous limb...
as the alleged 'stagnancy' is only THAT.......ALLEGED....
for it will grow and consume....
 in a most dangerous and painful way....
And so...
We do it....
We cut....
And all, suddenly, is as it should be...
The elephant has left the room......

So the child sat waiting...

patiently...
on the bench in the park...
For her mother had promised that she'd be right back...
She had gone to get them ice cream, she said...
But as the warm afternoon morphed into a chilly evening...
her mother did not return...
The girl was seven...
tall for her age...
She proudly told people that she could easily pass for a NINE year old...
Nonetheless...
here she was....in Central Park....on a quickly darkening evening....ALONE....
A tear ran down her cheek...
Oddly, nobody NOTICED her...a child sitting alone for SO many hours now...
She found herself wondering whether her mother had been in some sort of accident....
or whether she had just finally ABANDONED her...
There had been signs....
Mother had cried a lot lately...
She had stopped making dinner...
The child would just have to eat whatever was left around the kitchen...chips, bread...
And they lived on PARK AVENUE, mind you!
where life was GOOD...and BOUNTIFUL...
(to be continued....)

I AM GODDESS XREBBETZIN: The Dreamer...a Metaphor...

I AM GODDESS XREBBETZIN: The Dreamer...a Metaphor...

And as this ""Chapter"".....this MULTI-facetted ""Chapter"" in her life....

came to a SCREECHING CRESCENDO...
she realized...
full well....
that even though she could have BLAMED SO MANY people....
SO MANY circumstances.....
SO MUCH BAD BLODD and BAD LUCK.....
that ultimately...and inevitably...
the Chapter BEGAN and ENDED ONLY WITH HER...
She had been, in point of fact, the CREATOR of this play....
She had conjured it right up in her GINORMOUS IMAGINATION....
She had lent credence to it by committing it to paper...
(or to "keyboard", as it were....)
She had funded it and nursed it and coddled it...until....
The THING had actually grown legs and a head....
and WILL of its own....
And yes, of course, it had become GREATER and more POWERFUL as the days moved on....
The creature which only SHE had created had SPROUTED and spread its
OVERWHELMING seed over a vast expanse of territory...
covering the ground beneath it in a BLANKET of MUTUAL EXCLUSIVITY...
And so it went.......