Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The Story of Ebeneezer (the GEEZER) Feldstein....

Ebeneezer Feldstein....(better known as the GEEZER.......)
 was a banker...
a well known financier...
famous for his HOSTILE TAKEOVERS...
PARTICULARLY the ones where he essentially STOLE companies which had been
privately held in families for many generations..
These were his FAVORITES....
The children of these families would inevitably appear on the first night of Chanukah.....
on his 14 karat, gold doorstep....
Yarmulkes (Skullcaps) in hand...
BEGGING....PLEADING...for him to show just a modicum of kindness toward them...
They were starving by this point....
Bed-ridden, most of the time, from malnutrition...
Their families had no candles to light....
and they had sold their Menorot (Candelabrum)....in exchange for a few potatoes...
enough to boil a soup for 18 people...
GONE were the days of Latkes and Chocolate Gelt (coins)...
They had only potato soup and very old bagels ...
 stale, mite infested bagels for Chanukah....
Even still.....
the children would come baring gifts for FELDSTEIN....
an old shoe....a torn scarf...a scratched CD....
And Ebeneezer would laugh in their poor, little, pale faces....
wiping the Latke grease from his double chin....
"BAAA HUMMM SCHMUCK !!!", he would cry...
"Your parents should have been more careful!"...
"After all, children, your trust accounts were vulnerable!"
"What was I to do ??"
"Baaa Ha Ha Ha"
The children would leave weeping....with no coats in their possession....
Starving.....
ready to walk the 14 miles home in the cold...
And "The GEEZER" would retire to his study for a cognac and a LATKE....

On this particular night, Ebeneezer nodded off in his big, leather chair...
After all, he was exhausted from arduously stealing his fellow Jew's livelihoods all day.....
I mean, give the guy a break !! Right ??
(to be continued)