Drama Drama Drama...

Where does the REAL DRAMA exist ?
The 'drama' that floats just BENEATH that which we PERCEIVE as drama ?
Is it housed in death and poverty and the undeniable loss of collagen in the skin  ?
or....
Does DRAMA sit quietly on the neighbor's doorstep ?
...waiting to pounce...
..waiting patiently to WREAK HAVOC...
Is there drama in BETRAYAL ?
in ILLNESS ?
in FOOD POISONING ?
What constitutes DRAMA ?

She found herself at somewhat of a crossroads...

Like the famous poem...
The road was forked ...
Which way should she turn ?
Which direction would be the most advantageous ?
The most CORRECT, if you will...
A crossroads of EVERYTHING...
Conscience,,,
Love,,,
History,,,,
Ans so...
She painted...
Because, in the end of the day, that's what she KNEW....
She painted a delicate, redheaded girl...
sitting at a window...
Interestingly, """coincidentally""",(yeah, right!)
 the bay window was shaped like a DIVIDE...
creating, yet again, the immortal sense of a FORK in the road...

Delivering the mail...

So there's a woman who delivers the mail where I live...
(EVEN in this day and age of scanners and quick-pays, etc...)
There are still SOME things that qualify for SNAIL MAIL....
So...
 Her name is Peggy...a short, little Irish woman who ALWAYS,
 but ALWAYS,
has a great big smile on her face....
And I have often seen her climbing up hills in snow and rain,,,,looking exhausted really...
But NEVER have I heard a single iota of complaint from her...
AU CONTRAIRE...
The smile continues to grace her pleasant face perpetually...
A real LADY, Peggy is...
And you KNOW, beyond a shadow of doubt, that the smile is GENUINE....

And I have often wondered how I would fare in the same circumstance...
Although frankly, I don't need to wonder...I KNOW...
I would be BITTER and SAD and utterly SORRY for myself....
I would be cursing and crying and God knows what else...

What is that ?
The thing that makes one person satisfied and the other miserable ?
Is it PARENTING ?
RELIGION ?
LIFE EXPERIENCE ?

I meant what I said....

He said...She said...
I really MEANT this, even though I SAID that...
On and on ...
In circles of NOTHING-ness...
Only then to land in puddles........
 filled with MURK and DISDAIN...
Muddy, superfluous, black holes of information gone AWRY...
What, prey tell, is the FREAKING POINT ?
Are we any further along in our deliberated sojourn to the Promised Land ?
Are we ?
Or have we just been involved in perpetual 'exercises in futility' ?
Well ?
I'm waiting....

Ode to Peri....."I have a sister..."

She's not REALLY my sister, but MAN,,,,,it sure feels like she is...
I can tell her the TRUTH,,,
with no embellishment...
with no condiment to pour over it, so that it will taste sweeter....better,,,
Just the RAW, SALTY, UN-SEASONED TRUTH...
without a side dish of fluff....
And she really doesn't judge me harshly,,,
Nope...
She wisely leaves all of that predictable broo-haa to me...
As NOBODY is a harder and more critical judge of ME than ME...
And she remembers us as kids...and she values us as adults....
She cherishes and owns 'our' shared history,,,,
as though it were an exclusive collection of ART,,,,,as it were...
She keeps it in a box on the mantle next to her photo albums and such....
And I surely remember HER....
She is the BEST...always was...always will be...
Nothing changes really....
I just adore her...
And so, you see...
I have a sister....

Do we REALLY create our own destiny ?

Yes, it's a popular notion...
perhaps even a comforting one....
the idea that we are the creators of our own lives...
But is it really the truth ?

Take the mother who is walking across the street with her three children...
(a GOOD mother....a RESPONSIBLE mother)
The 2 year old breaks free of her maternal grasp in what feels like a millisecond....
 runs back into the traffic,
and gets killed by a passing truck....
The mother is devastated beyond measure....
Mind-blowingly devastated by what has just happened.....
From that point forward, she can barely lift her eyes up to meet another's gaze...
She thwarts her responsibilities with regard to her other children.....
essentially hands them off to her husband and her mother...
knowing full well that she is momentarily unequipped to care for them properly..
wracked,as she is, with survivor guilt and whatnot....
Her fault ???
Her creation ???

Was her grasp not tight enough ?
Were her reflexes not quick enough ?

Are we REALLY in charge of what happens in our lives ?
Where did this notion come from ?
Sure, it's all "Yogic" and "New Age" and even Kabbalistic...
 to practice directing our "intention" in one direction or another....
to believe that we actually CAN affect change or momentum...
 or even outcome...
But what is REAL ?
What is the TRUTH about "Creation" ?

Thoughts ?

On Control.....

Do we EVER really have ANY control over ANYTHING at all ?
Is control an illusion ?
By believing that we can control something,
 do we essentially COMMIT to being MANIPULATED by said thing ?
When should we allow the absence of control to just ride along its organic path ?
Because, after all, that's what its doing regardless...
When is it time to "throw our hands up in the air" ?
Just ALLOW the fates to take over ?
Let's face it,,,,they've never NOT taken over...
In fact, they've never HAD to take over because they were ALWAYS in control of EVERYTHING...
Is admitting....acknowledging...
that we DO live in a completely VULNERABLE state...
is this a MILESTONE on the multifaceted road to SELF-ACTUALIZATION ?
And IF.....
IF...
we REACH this "higher level" of consciousness,,
then what ???
For we have admitted aloud that we CONTROL NOTHING.....
Hence, the Consummate Existential Dilemma... 

Upon Much Contemplation, Speculation, and General Probing......

she concluded,
for the moment at least ,
 that all was not, in fact, lost...
that GOOD THINGS could be solidly worth waiting for...
and that the Lord worked in mysterious and puzzling ways...
The question......The REAL question......
was WHY?
Why did she ALWAYS have to wait?
Why were things so mysteriously strewn across the road map of her existence ?
Was this the case for EVERYONE ?
or..
JUST FOR HER ?
How did one hold onto 'faith' amid torrents of obstacles ?
Was Ganesha, the Hindu Goddess of Obstacles, in play here ?
Were obstacles being thrown in her path,,,,
jussst in front of her feet actually,,,
to TEACH her something ??
WHEN WOULD CLASS BE DISMISSED ???
WHEN WOULD CLASS BE DISMISSED, for God's sake ???
I mean,,,,,,
how long must one's lessons drag on without a hint of a "GRADUATION" ??
Would she forever be the PUPIL ?
and NEVER the MASTER ??
Was this HOW one BECAME the Master ???
Snow Storms,,,,LOCUST,,,,Vermin,,,,,,,
Plagues...
Wayyyy more than TEN PLAGUES.....
REALLY ??? 

She had waited and waited....

But no "other shoe" seemed to be dropping after all......
Not at the moment....
And if she did say so herself,,,
she had far exceeded even HER OWN goals ...
She had worked harder and more productively ..........
BY FAR ....
 than ever before...
The work was done...
for now....
And the much anticipated "day of reckoning" was upon her....
""Who shall live and who shall die?""
And yet...
the sheer ABSENCE of DRAMA was almost palpable....
dramatic in and of itself somehow....
The air was STILL....VERY, VERY STILL....
But NOT....
Hard to encapsulate in words really....
Gusts of wind came hurling at the windows...
And yet, the ATMOSPHERE stood silently by...
It was DEFINITELY a day to make CHICKEN...
On this,,,,she could be certain....
Colors flashed before her eyes....
Shapes...
Vignettes...
Faces....
Purple...
Red....
The smell of cinnamon and dark toast wafted through her "somewhat clogged" nostrils...
""Who shall live and who shall die ??"