Saturday, May 10, 2014

On Mothers.......

The day is COLD,,,,FREEZING actually....
You are a seven year old girl.....
just leaving school.....walking out into the blustery cold....
And there's your MOM..
She's parked as CLOSE to the front door of school as possible,
so that your exposure to the frigid air is a non-event...
She gets out of the car, with a BIG, RED, PLAID Blanket......
Wraps it around and around your little body...
encasing you like a MUMMY...hahaha
And she picks you up in her loving arms and carries you,,,
all swaddled up in the blanket to the car...(only a few feet away)...
And she has come laden with treats for the 12 minute ride home....
for she surely does not want her "little angel" to STARVE...
So there are HOT MUFFINS and HOT CHOCOLATE....
And you are as COZY as the COZIEST BUG in a RUG...
And when you get home, the house smells of freshly baked cookies and muffins...
and of CHERRY WOOD that burns brightly in the fireplace.....
And there is music playing....
It sounds like ANGEL HARPS....
EVERYTHING IS PERFECT.......

OK...
THAT's the FANTASY.......

HERE is the REALITY....

School is over...
Your mom is waiting...
BUT...
There is NO RED BLANKET...
There are NO MUFFINS...
She doesn't carry you because SHE WOULD BREAK HER BACK !!!
You are NOT so small !!!
And while there ARE, in fact, TREATS......(ehhh)
They are definitively NOT FRESH MUFFINS...
And there is NO HOT CHOCOLATE either....

There is....
Ya ready ?

A half opened jar of GEFILTE FISH ....
all encased in that GELATINOUS, CLEAR, Yellowish Shit...
(If you're a Jew reading this, you know EXACTLY which CLEAR SHIT I'm talking about !!)
Although, truth be told,
THERE IS NO REAL REASON for it...
I have often imagined that the "Gel Stuff" is what might be served
if one were to end up in HELL.....
Nuf said...

And your Mom has forgotten the USUAL plastic fork...
the one that continuously gets WASHED and used again and again !
You KNOW.....the DISPOSABLE FORK....
So....
MOM forgot it!!
Hence, you are relegated to eating the freakin' fish with your HANDS !!!
So your hands smell like fish for WEEKS afterwards...
And there's orange juice too..........EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
GEFILTE FISH and ORANGE JUICE......
And when you get home, SHOCKKKKKKKKER....
there are NO CHERUBS PLAYING HARPS !!!
There is an episode of DARK SHADOWS playing in the living room.....
AND YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND WITH FEAR.......
For Dark Shadows is SO SCARY that you hide under your covers ALL NIGHT after watching it...
waiting to be EATEN ALIVE...

But guess what...
Your MOM loves you JUST THE SAME in BOTH scenarios....

Happy Mother's Day !!.....