and the veil of terror is lifted.......

and the young boy is set free....
free to be 'young'....
to play....to get dirty.....to cavort with his pals.....
to 'yo yo' himself into a tailspin!!
and back again.....
free to grow long hair and howl at the moon and wish upon a falling star!!
life is grand!!
life is complete......
the children are safe and tucked into their beds in the 'ivory tower' of 'EVERYTHING SWEET'...
willy wonka has dropped off a golden ticket with the concierge of fairy dust!!
the prize will be a magic carpet ride to delirium.....
and back again....
and there you have it, my loves......
there you have it.......

so time marches onward.....

and children grow up....
and parents grow old.....
and we are left, in the middle......
not young......
not old....
in a 'limbo' of sorts......
and there are MANY, MANY FORKS in the road........
not just ONE.......
we can grow dizzy with choices.....
with 'path' ology....
which path shall we choose???
have we been righteous??
moral??
have we mistakenly hurt those whom we loved to hate??
why do we feel that twinge of sorrow for people, long ago eschewed from our lives??
actually......pretty DISGUSTING PEOPLE!!
it brings a smile to my face as i conjure these images......
i suppose that 'we' once loved them, right??
these yucky creatures with fur on their backs and bloody claws.....
have we irrevocably changed??
to the point where we are unrecognizable.......even unto ourselves??

i had the 'honour' to sit for a few moments with a great 'sage' this week......
he looked at me, quizzically, and asked how i could have chosen such an ODD PATH??
such ODD PEOPLE??
the sage was utterly mystified by my past....
he said that it simply did not 'ring true' for him.......
he seemed to find me to be somewhat 'ascended'.....'evolved'.....
when did this profound change in me occur??
through utter and extreme humility, comes a sort of 'light' of truth......
well.....
after all is said and done...
i am 'thankfully' your.....
GODDESS XREBBITZIN

so the end can justify even the most outlandish means..........

for in the aftermath of battle and 'brooha'.......

one may wish to take a moment in order to assess the damage... and such.....

looking back on the 'particulars' can, inevitably,

bring resounding chemical and emotional 'completion'......

if you will......

'war is a state of mind', someone once said....

disarm the battlefield, and the cannons will sit dormant by the side of the road.....

but place a gun in the hands of a fool........

and watch out!!!!

you will likely get your heads blown off!!!!

green tundra will continue to roll onward......

whether or not the affair has a 'black tie' dress

code!!

a word to the wise, however......

THE FIRST IMPRESSION IS THE ONLY IMPRESSION.....

consider that moment with care and fancy......

and so they wrap the sacred cylanders......

in lavender and thyme....
scented tissue and ends of newspaper and so on.......
and the two, the red headed sisters, they conjure and canoodle
and wish for 'brilliant-cut' 'goodies' to fly into their open windows as they sleep......
their sleep is layered with Myst of 'conjured wishes'.....and such......
and their dreams fill their 'oh so feminine' nostrils with the scent of oleander and spice and everything nice.....
would that these two maidens fair were to actualize that which their hearts seem to be yearning for....
but in all things resonant, a caveat will appear.....
for the auburn sisters, in the bat of an eyelash, can change their tempered, girlish minds, and even abandon the ENTIRE PROJECT!!!
MID STREAM!!!!
watch out for these red-headed girly girls!!!
if they offer you soup, be for warned!!!
it can be laced with 'feminine wile'.......and as such, quite irresistible!!!

the yin and the yan......

its an interesting and perplexing conundrum in which i continuously find myself...
or do i continue to CREATE the conundrum from which to find 'means of egress'??
the push and pull of indecision.......
should i go here??
should i go there??
is he the ONE??
should i keep looking??
is it enough??
is it up to 'snuff' ??
shall i??
will i???
and on and on.........
and yet........
I'm the 'simplest' woman that i know....
simple and complex and hard and soft and delicious and repulsive......
all wrapped into one 'bomb shell'!!!!
god!!!
living with ME is soooooooo difficult and fun and catastrophic and calamitous and exiting and hilarious!!!!
hey!!!!
i sound like a narcissist!!!!!
i and me and i and me and........
hmmm.......
lets talk about YOU !!

love shows up.........

when you least expect it.......

when you've finally, albeit unwillingly, committed to the concept of 'Independence'......

for the long haul.......

that shit just shows up!!!

it doesn't come with an instruction manual or a refund, if not 100% pleased with the product......

is it "better to have loved and lost".....blah blah???

is it 'safer' to sit your ass on the 'bleachers of life's stadium',

or to carry that ball ALL the way up to the 100 yard line, and to allow yourself to WIN ?

love just SHOWS UP.........

here's the thing, my sweets........
life is a big, dumb, basket of 'nothing' without it.......
love gives you expansion, collaboration, juice........
love takes the 'me' out of the narcisistic equation of times passed......
loves gives you shiny hair and Popsicles with cream on the inside!.........
and it feeds your soul and your heart and your root chakrah with GRAVITY......with LONGEVITY........
don't take that 'independent thing' that you've come to hold SO dear, ALL too seriously, girls....
think of Noah and the ark........
EVERY ANIMAL IN EXISTENCE APPEARED IN A 'PAIR'........

an allegory with conspicuous implication.......

if and when you're lucky enough to have 'love' appear at your front door,

welcome it inside.......
brew it up a hot chocolate.....
serve it your special, red, countrified biscuits!!

and then take it into your bed and receive it with grace....

and be honoured by the chance you've been given to actualize that which is so fabled.......

don those silken, fuschia slippers,

the ones youve been SAVING for that special occasion.......

and feel the magnetic pull of dreams becoming reality........

thanksgiving tradition by the shore.....(for jews)......

feed the turkeys!!
rustle up those feathers!!
ready the shochet!!!
we are packing up the stuffing and zucchinis and POTATO KUGEL........
(what can i say?)
a Jew is a Jew is a Jew!!!
and we are headed to the house by the shore to 'gobble up' the treats and tricks of friendship beyond measure......
i guess where the gentiles may serve up those 'eggnog-a- licious', preholiday martinis......
we are substituting POTATO KUGEL!!!
damn straight!!!
its NOT OUR SEXIEST SIDE......
but make no mistake, tonto......
there's NOTHING like grandma's kugel to rekindle memories of pilgrims and john smith and such !!
and we will bench!!!!
ahhhhh........yes!!!!
we will bench!!!!
and give thanks and stuff the stockings with fabric softener.......
(cause we don't do those either!!)
its a different twist......
no doubt......
but its OUR TWIST!!!
a twist of lemon and sugar and fried apple pie........
we LOVE thanksgiving by the shore!!!!!
and it LOVES US!!!!

and so the little girl began to weep........

and weep she did.....
for all the loss.....for the empty promises........
veritable FLOODS of salty, 'globul ous' tears......
she noticed, through the film of salt, covering her eyes.......
that tears and raindrops have similar aesthetic properties....
ONLY SHE would take note of such superfluous minutia during grief and melodrama!!
yes, SHE, the daughter of EVERYTHING......
the poster child for ALL THINGS BIZARRE......
for all things ASTUTE.......
she.......of many masks.......pink and red and black.......
fortuitous were they who had touched upon her 'sparkle'.......her 'wisdom'.......
her CACOPHONOUS GREEN EYES....
ahhhhh.......
to have the good fortune to be near her.......even but for a moment.......
pure magic.......'walking MAGIC'.......
a 'manifest er' of outlandish proportion.....
and yet.......
and yet.......
grief stricken.......
profoundly puzzled by life's incongruous maze of experience......
hampered by HUMAN physicality.....
yet able to be in two places at once......

go forth........

as the obstacles appear in vivid technicolor........

so do the 'resolution strategies'.......

more muted perhaps.......but clearly prevalent.....

Hindus have a goddess of obstacles.......GANESHA....

she lines the path with all sorts of blocks in the way......

there are two schools of thought as to why the obstacles are placed on the path......

1) so as to STOP the person before disaster strikes

2) so that when the person actually BREAKS THROUGH to the other side, there is a 'brilliant' sense of

accomplishment

i personally ascribe to the second theory....

victory is as vistory does, but reaching the golden gates of REWARD can not be replicated by feelings of relief from averting the struggle.....

GO FORTH, friends!!!

break through the shackles, and arrive at 'divination emancipation'!!

golden calves will NOT be on the menu in the hall of reckoning........

pineapple upside down cake.......

that's the way to go, HORTENSE!!!

climb up those thick, rock walls!!!!

JUST DO IT!!!!

JUMP IN HEAD FIRST!!!

the orchid.....

smacks of 'orchid ness'.......
yellow and fuchsia and seemingly 'eternal'......
for......
even in 'dire circumstance'......
an elegant creature such as this .........
can ONLY thrive......
can ONLY thrive.......
'hothoused' in sunlight and geranium essence.....
dancing in a sinewy, yet 'choreographed' pattern........
ambrosia to the senses......
wrapped in 'glamour'........
as it were......
"all things in time", said the school mistress,
as she scratched the blackboard with her broken nails.......
just to make 'the point' in a SHARP way...
i had chills......
WE ALL had chills.....

alchemy......

for as it pours forth from the 'urn' of 'life'........
so doth the gold transmute itself into a microcosm of 'bejeweled veracity'......
liquid, golden elixir to warm the throat as it heals the wounds.......
wounds acquired from battle.........from years of battle......
lesions really.......
blue and black lesions upon the throat canal........
the golden liquid will soothe and eradicate and assuage the pain, whilst the gold will
turn to BLOCKS AND BARS.......
ready to 'cash in' at the window of 'fortune'....
and so on.......
NEVER DOUBT THE GOLD....
for it can BUY a golden ticket to FREEDOM!!!
as it happens.......
pontificate, mates!!
go ahead and pontificate as to the numeric 'measure' of things unalterable!!
in the final analysis.......
all will be CLEAR and RESONANT and BOUNTIFUL......
as the alchemical transmutation doth occur.....

emotional overload.............

when it comes to that point......you KNOW the one.....

when EVERYTHING HURTS........

when the splenda has run out..........

and all that's left is a kind of 'splend iforous' mist,

where the little, yellow packets had been.......

(and you KNOW that you shouldn't have been using them ANYWAY!!)

they are 'conspicuously NOT GOOD FOR YOU'......



when its raining torrential BLIZZARDS outside........

when you realize that the guys next door at the mosque are wearing 'skullcaps'

just like your own people wear!!

and that you never even bothered to notice!!

the similarities and such.......



when the house is a MESS.........

and the dog has taken a shit on the rib roast!!......

when 800 thread count sheets have gotten huge rips and tears in them.........

to the point of obsolet ion.......



when there are veritable 'MOUNDS' of paperwork, piling up to the ceiling..........



when there its SO much MAGIC crossing its whimsical and potent SWORDS....

that you've totally lost sight of

what the original PLAN was anyway!!!



WHEN YOU, 'TWISTED SISTER'.........



realize that youve ARRIVED AT THIS DREADED JUNCTURE!!!!........

and that you are SURVIVING........but not really LIVING at all........



STOP!!!!!!! STOP EVERYTHING!!!!!



regroup......reassess......reconoiter.....



ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!



go out yonder, girlfriend!!!

have a rum and coke!!!

party it up with the hot guy next door !!!
(the one whos been trying to get your attention for MONTHS!!)

leave caution to the winds of the torrents of rain and myst that are crashing at your windowpane!!!

LET GO OF CONTROL.........
LET YOURSELF GO!!!

THERE IS ONLY TODAY....

so im driving yesterday.......

and I'm very, very distracted.......

texting.....blah blah.....

and i run SMACK!! into a truck.........

a LARGE TRUCK!.....

and my tire EXPLODES.........that shit just cracks in half!!!

so......

I'm freaking out!!!

and these two Caribbean dudes, who are driving the truck.....

they are very very upset.....

telling me.....rightfully so!......that i 'should have been paying attention'.......

but we all take a gander at the situation, and there is really no harm done at all......

except that I'm left with a completely, deflated tire.....

in the middle of Columbus avenue!!!

in Manhattan!!

being the 'charm school' pupil that i AM, i think fast on my feet.....

start batting my eyelashes at the guys whom Ive HIT.....

being coquettish.....

appropriately 'confused'....

i end up......standing on the sidewalk, calling my friends.....drinking a latte......

whilst the two dudes change the tire for me!!!!

poetry in motion!!!

it was I who hit THEM!!

but they then spent an hour or more, helping a 'distressed damsel'.....

but stranger is what happened next....

a guy came out of a vitamin store to see what was going on and why all the commotion....

next thing i knew......he was handing me the keys to his Mercedes!!

telling me that 'he trusts me completely'.....

that he will do ANYTHING TO HELP....

in this city of renegades and thieves!!!

he handed his keys to a complete stranger!!!

i cannot explain really how the two incidents 'juxtaposed',

except to say that even in the depths

of melodrama and 'quagmire'......

there exists a kind of 'symmetry' in the universe......

that there are angels of all colors and persuasions.....

fluttering around us.....

one need only look........

and follow their lead......

in order to experience cohesion.......

curious phenominon.....

there are those walking among us, who seem to walk through life without ever really making 'ROOM' for love......

its a curious state of affairs really.....

for.....

at days end.....

what is life........WITHOUT LOVE???

hollow.......vacuous.....

parve.......in a way!

like 'seedless rye'......

its an option......seedless rye.....

but never at the top of any ones chanukah list!!

how did these 'NUMB NUTS' turn into these STERILE creatures??

after all.......

I'm supposing that we ALL start out with little, baby hearts, bubbling

with pink ribbons

and puppy dog tails.....

when does the fork in the road actually appear??

how in the world does ANYONE choose the 'seedless rye' path???

WHY???

ahhhhh......

early morning meanderings......

from the girl who's been OVER AND OVER AND OVER this silliness......

onward, BLITZ EN!!!!

understanding the sociopath.......

we all, to some degree or other, have a kind of 'sociopathic', homeless-ish guy

living inside of our minds....

this guy.......

lets call him 'George w'....:)

'Georgy boy' doesn't really take up very much space........

he pops up his tent with those aluminum foil stakes that he keeps safely deposited in the pockets of his, old, threadbare, Burberry raincoat......

George was once extremely well healed!!!!

right up in the frontal lobe region........but farrrrrrrr to the right!!

and he pretty much does WHATEVER HE WANTS.....

hence the potential problem......

Georgy has been known to fire cannons from right inside of our heads!!!!

just firing for FUN!!!!

we......in turn......feel our heads 'exploding', and run over the neighbor's new cat in our SUV!!!

in order to escape the noise from the bombs going off in our heads!!!!

the thing is, my gorgeous readers, that we never know when the sociopath living inside of us will take offense and just start shooting......

the ONLY ALTERNATIVE in this kind of tenuous situation........

is to visit the local muffin shop on a somewhat regular basis.....

in a modest attempt to 'assuage', if you will,

the 'George w', living in the 'temporary structure' inside of our frontal lobe region......

they cry.....they pray.....

all of these children......

grown and not.......

searching for love and mitigation and emeralds.......

all of these children.......

wearing suits and ties to work, pretending to be men......

whilst 'war torn' battlefields have the blood of their brothers and cousins and loyal dogs in pints by the side of the road......

they cry.....they pray for better times.....

they lock their elderly in closets , in order not to SEE THEM.......

all of gods green children......

SPLATTERED BY DIFFERENCE......

BY JUDGMENT.......

splattered onto the black forest cake, in a way that appears 'decorative'.....and such....

whilst the splatterings are back splash from the cut limbs of their cousins......

the ones dressed in suits and ties.....

simplification of terminology.........

i write this in very, very simple terms.......

so that my beautiful 'man-child' will completely comprehend that which i impart.....

for this, most certainly, is NOT his native tongue......

and so......

i am drenched in the juices of life's 'gorgeous' moments......

i am FILLED, as well, with the magic of 'chemistry perfection'......

woe is me!!!

for I had forgotten how sweet this feeling of continuing and continuing and exploring

and happening and culminating can make one feel......

how feminine and feline i can feel .......

from continuous and constant love making at its most heightened level.....

my god!!!!

a veritable 'bastion' of complexity......

life is filled.......on a daily basis, with complexity......

overlapping, dichotomous situations are rampant , amid clear and specific conundrum.....

we search, high and low, for answers to the riddles of our combined experience......

or lack thereof.......

it is a strange and frustrating evolution, to be sure, Watson.....

"HEAL THY NEIGHBOR"

"DO NOT COVET......"

blah......blah......

do we reap that which we sow???

or does the 'happening' evolve out of 'situational narcissism'???

does the fantasy match, even remotely, with the reality??

blood orange juice is being poured from the pitcher of 'duplicity'.......

"DRINK UP, FRIENDS!!!"

the pungent taste will make your lips pucker into a smile of 'vitamin c' flavored MISCHIEF!!!