as the rain pours down on the...

temporary inhabitants of the LUXURY RESORT...
we are reminded of those less fortunate...
those who simply cannot rise to the occasion of '5 star'  redemption...
hence....
we potentially regret the whimpering and whining of yesterday...
as the FANCY infinity pool was a 'tad' too cool for our
barometer of acceptability...
the pedestrian movie theater in the Caribbean town awaits our
'esteemed arrival'...
men can be seen holding torches in anticipation of the HONOUR of our
appearance...
and whilst the text messages and 'cyber dating' flirts continue to
POUR IN....
we depart, umbrellas in hand, for GREENER PASTURES...
and so it goes....

its raining in paradise...

and the bellmen are walking on stilts...
and juggling with fire batons...
in order to keep the 'UBER MENCHEN' happy and content...
but alas...
the spoiled guests are searching for far more than the
 'not up to snuff', pedestrian bellmen
can provide,,,,,
hence..
all is lost at sea....
however...
the mermaids continue to order room service....
whilst tanning their pretty faces....
TUNA IS NOT ON THE MENU...
in the hall of "ENCHANTMENT"...
and the Christmas trees are soaked and drenched,
but continue to hold the promise of a FULFILLING NEW YEAR...
and so it goes, MY Loves........

The Holiday Season...

The Holiday Season....

The commonalities and essential differences between the peoples of the earth can be felt most profoundly, (at least from this humble blog mistress's point of view), at Christmas and New Years
time. For it is precisely at this time of year that the elementary and rudimentary differences are
highlighted by ritual, prayer, custom, litergical melody, etc.
And so....we ask ourselves , "How do we really FEEL about the 'others'? Are we tolerant ?
Are we loving? Are we ENVIOUS? Do we JEWS secretly wish that we had a Christmas tree and
a Yuletide log and a reindeer named BLITZEN ?I mean, let's face it, a SHVACH Hannukah bush
and a horn from BLITZEN's head used ONLY to signal the end of NEILAH are hardly a substitute for what THEY have !!
Nonenetheless we are mandated to "LIVE HARMONIOUSLY among the nations of the earth".
What do you think about this mandate, Readers? Do we actually achieve this lofty and somewhat
unrealistic goal ? I, myself, have been known, from time to time, to be EXTREMELY HAWKISH and unbending(lol) with regard to...umm..the PALESTINIANs for example.I simply cannot ascend to a
'GHANDI esque', angelic, level when it comes to these people.
Am I WRONG ? MISGUIDED ?
Or....Are my survival instincts and organic proclivities toward protection of my people
SO RAZOR SHARP and honed, that there is NO ROOM for any other, more intellectual(perhaps) and Communistic(for sure!) approach ?
How on earth did I get from BLITZEN's herrner to Ghandi to PALESTINIANs?
Oy veyy....

ya know how...

when an artist dies,
his paintings become substantially more valuable ?
do you think its the same kinda thing...
when an AUTHOR goes on vacation ???
lol
it would appear that BAD CHARISMA is
"OFF THE CHARTS" in terms of sales since I
headed for the Caribbean !!!
MAYBE i should go away more often !!
YES !!!
I should DEFINITELY get outta the frying pan
ALL THE TIME !!!
order up, BROHEEMs...
your copy anxiously awaits your perusal and/or scrutiny and/or delight...
just sayin....

The Christmas Dillema for Jews....

for WHAT is a JEW to DO...
when summoned by the water so BLUE ?
as the Yuletide is felt through and through....
and can ONLY lead to a tremendous SNAFU...
Really the JEW...
does NOT have a CLUE...
how to simmer the CHRISTMAS STEW...
or hop into Santa's canoe....
so that DASHER and BLITZEN can chew...
on the feelings and such so askew....
ans so...
the JEW....
flies off into the BLUE...
and i suggest to YOU...
that HE can be heard screaming "YAHOOOOO!"

Happy Holidays to One and All.....
I AM GODDESS XREBBETZIN

they had grilled cheese sandwiches..

oozing with butter...
on utterly GOYISH, WHITE BREAD....lol
and red velvet cupcakes afterwards....uhhh...yeah.....
and they sat and strummed on their 'WHITE' guitars....
and there was a poignant nostalgia in the atmosphere...
and suddenly....
GANDHI entered the room...
with his robes flowing....
and his apostles holding his train....
as if he were a bride walking down the aisle....
and the boy on the sofa began whaling at the sight of the
ASCENDED MAN.....
crying for his mommy....
and the monk at the rectory table was holding a
HUGE JAR OF gummy bears.....(a bribe!)
they continued to wonder why nursery school was STILL IN SESSION...
and so it went.....

would that it were all so simple...

if this were to materialize....(simplicity)
i suppose we'd have less minutia and superfluous 'gobble Dee gook' weighing us down....(well, DUH!)
perhaps we, in fact, CREATE the extraneous stuff
 in order to deflect from the REAL TASK AT HAND...
to such an extent, that we actually FORGET what we were DOING in the first place !!
complicated creatures we are...
and really SO SIMPLE in our  extreme need to
AVOID and PROCRASTINATE..
perhaps we should BAKE A CAKE....
and bury a file down deep into the folds of cream and lemon rind and vanilla...
in order that the one eating can have the POSSIBILITY of ESCAPE...
escape from the excesses of detail and complication....
just sayin.....

http://blogsjpost.com/users/jewish-sex-and-city

http://blogsjpost.com/users/jewish-sex-and-city

 They hadn't moved into the new home yet....


They were hoping, somehow, that the move would 'CEMENT' their life together.

As if it were a mosaic being spliced into harmonious unison. What they did NOT seem to

realize is that internal problems can NEVER be 'fixed' by adding on superfluous riff raff.....and such.

That building the most spectacular, opulent, and downright "expensive" home,

would not begin to repair the damage that had been waged internally upon the family.

That a superficial remedy is but a 'bandaid' with which to temporarily COVER the wound.

But ultimately, that the wound continues to ooze until such time as a 'healing' takes place.

And even THEY themselves were embarassed somehow to be BUILDING ANEW

whilst "limbs and grandchildren" were quite literally being lost in war....

on the theological and geographical issues that so continued to plague the MIDDLE EAST.

Perhaps the forlorn couple should have taken the 'million or so dollars' spent on the

"CONSPICUOUS CONSTRUCTION" and given it to the family of the young CHAYAL(soldier) who had given his life so heroically in order that his PRECIOUS ISRAEL remain safe and secure.

Would that the "silly spenders" had realized that the healing of the family may have actually come to pass,

had they generously given of their hearts and wallets....as the opening of the heart will reveal ALWAYS a new kind of LOVE and FORGIVENESS....

as economic issues go from BAD to WORSE...

and war seems imminent with regard to
homeland security, middle east peace, etc...
(NOT "IMMINENT".....rather ""PREVALENT"" actually !!
as more and more people are left homeless and starving and
in some form of silent despair....
we wonder , profoundly,
whether GOD has forgotten to 'remember us' this holiday season....
whether it be Hanukkah or Christmas
or Ramadan....
WELL.....
NOT RAMADAN....(ewwwww)
(just making a  point!)
(forgive me!)  lol
people of all walks of life...of all ethical and theological proclivity...
can agree, en masse.....that
THIS IS NO WAY TO LIVE !!
where have all the flowers and chocolates and golden harps gone ??
HOW on earth did we LOSE
the BEAUTY and BOUNTY and Naivety of yesteryear ??
How can we go back to a kinder, gentler, more magical time ?
Forgive my corny and silly diatribe....
MY BAD....
What I mean to say is "Where did we go wrong ?"
Let's retrace our destructive steps and call for a "DO OVER"...
The world is in desperate need of another CHANCE...
just sayin......

"in a desolate alley....(part 2)

Bad Charisma: A Fictional Memoir


his first thought was that the two men were cops...
that would be good....
but they weren't....
they looked like thugs...
what could they want from him ??
he had NOTHING, but the 50 cents in his pocket for an emergency call...
Lotta good that did him now !!
(in an actual emergency!)
where were all the people ??
how had he ended up in this dark, alone place ?
his heartbeat was pounding in his chest !
could a boy his age die of a heart attack ???
one man told him to come with them and get into the car...
OH< MY GOD>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
mommy !!!! 
COME SAVE ME !!!
he swore to himself if he could come out safely,
he WOULD NEVER EVER be late again ....
HASH EM......pllllleeeease HELP !!!!

it turned out, lo and behold, that these two 'thugs' were detectives...
they had seen the boy alone in the alleyway,
 and they had decided then and there...
 to teach him a lesson he'd never forget...
they returned him to his parents....
even the boy's father was so relieved at having him home,
that his drunken anger went by the wayside...
(this one time..)
they had hamburgers for dinner....

in a desolate alley...

a boy walked home from his friend's house...
it was dark out already...
he was late for dinner...
his parents had warned him time and time again
not to walk on empty streets...or through alleyways...
but he was SO LATE...
they'd be angry...
his dad would have had more than a few beers by now...
he began running....
his shoelaces had come undone at some point....
and in his haste, he tripped over them and fell to his knees...
his knee WAS BLEEDING...
OH, MY GOD....
they'd be worried...
why couldn't he learn to keep track of time ??
he wiped his knee with the sleeve of his shirt...
there was a noise....footsteps.....
a man was coming toward him !!
NO.........2 men !!
they had a car parked at the end of the alley...
the boy knew this because the headlights were glaring in his face....
he could feel sweat dripping down his forehead....
PLEASE GOD>.....
PLEASE PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE>...
(stay tuned)

I've been thinking about gardens....

....and of how the French have haphazard, disorganized gardens...
spewed with color and whimsy and 'random ness'....
while the English have these 'utterly organized' rows and rows of
homogenise 'same ness'...
so I clearly prefer the organic whimsy to the orderly drudgery....
(although I am DECIDEDLY NOT a fan of the FRENCH !)
ya think ??
lol
I think that this is a metaphor for life in and of itself...
Do we HAVE TO conform to the order ?
or
Is it possible to just "LET SHIT HAPPEN" ?
What happens when we relinquish control ?
Can we still be "masterful" in this regard ?
Does, in fact,
 this "letting go",
make us MORE MASTERFUL ?
Must we continue to follow the recipes in the
 Cookbooks of our sojourning ?
pondering....contemplating....

One could never say for certain....

..whether the family fell apart AFTER the fiasco...
or actually if the very EROSION of the family was the
""precipitating factor""
 leading to 'said fiasco'...
What came first? 
The chicken or the AFFAIR ???
Were there clementines ?
or
BLOOD ORANGES ?
How did the people departing the stuffy airplane arrange for women in kimonos with fans to be waiting at the terminal ?
puzzling questions to ponder.....
for pondering and contemplation were clearly in order...

What about 'RISING TO THE OCCASION' ??

Bad Charisma: A Fictional Memoire

How 'bout we throw all of that trepidation and worry overboard...
in exchange for self-assuredness and even a tad of
 'cavalier'knowing'?
What do you suppose would happen if we actually began to believe in ourselves and our dreams?
and further....that the dreams were completely REACHABLE ?
Seriously...I'm being 100% straight with you...
We spend HALF of our LIFETIMES in some form of
anxiety ridden
coma...
We WORRY TO DEATH...
We plan and INSURE until
the light and love and fun and 'joie de vivre'
have been sucked out of
EVERY SINGLE MOMENT
in our
GOD FORSAKEN existences...
and then...
We LAMENT and WHINE and
 WONDER WHY THINGS WENT AWRY....
I say....Let's change the script !!
  Let's simply RISE TO THE OCCASION !!
Let's just MOVE FORWARD with the complete assuredness that success and
happiness and UTTER SELF ACTUALIZATION
 await us around the next corner.....
there for the taking....
just a suggestion....
(and please DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER !!)

She was like Scarlett...

in the red dress...
all eyes were upon her....
with her full decolletage and her blatantly provocative manner.....
and lets face it...
she was GORGEOUS...
not SILLY, movie star gorgeous...
more in a delicious, feline kind of way...
like a perfect apple.....
YES !
an apple that purrred....
and she knew it too...
having walked through life, consistently on the 'other side' of the issue ....
yet somehow FRONT and CENTER at the same time...
ahhhh....
what it must feel like to be HER...
so pleased with oneself....
so assured....A CAT...
YET her hands told a different story....
one could tell so much from a woman's hands...
and somehow, they did not 'ring' true...
in  relation to the luxurious, silk taffeta which she wore...
for they were weathered and overworked....
As Scarlett herself.....
picking potatoes in the fields by day...
and waltzing in her evening gowns at night.....

Is it serendipity ??

Is it fate?
Is the universal confluence nearing Epiphany ?
Can Jews actually participate in this kind of event
 without being accused of
being "blasphemous heretics"??
How are such random things related in such a twisted and absurd fashion ??
SERIOUSLY ???
Everybody knows EVERYBODY !!
My head is spinning !!
What will happen next ??
The kangaroo by the side of the road was balancing a thermous of champagne
on his head...
while singing LICHA DODI...

(continued) so there came a kind of 'vision'...

wherein the empty pasture had been FILLED with folding chairs...
dark, ebony, folding chairs...
thousands of them...
as far as her eyes could see...
and people were seated....something like 'Tanglewood' in summer...
and there was a stage...
in front of the reindeer sculpture....
and there were dozen of violinists playing....
kind of ethereal, new age music...
and behind the chairs....closer to the end of the L.I.E.....
were huge, billowing, white sheets....on the ground.....
and there were children doing 'downward dog' and plank....
and other, basic YOGA positions....
and there was a peaceful , healing aura that permeated the edges of this
GORGEOUS scene....
and the ferries had come too....
through the hole in the pool....
the ones that inhabited the back woods behind the Hampton house...
and then she awakened....
with the scene etched into her mind's eye...

she'd never told anyone...

about the light at the end of the pool in the Hampton's...
it was on the far wall of the deep end...
she'd only been inside it once...
it was a secret...
it was too weird to share...too shocking...
she wanted to believe that it was an illusion,
placed there by some skilled magician or a friendly prankster...
but she knew better...
she had discovered it one hot, August day,
while swimming alone in the back yard...
the light had gone out the night before...
so she swam down in order to change the bulb while it was still light out...
and as she turned the chrome cover and began to lift it off....
there came a TIDAL WAVE of water gushing out at her..
violently so..
and she was lifted up by this wave and somehow it spiraled backwards...
and before she knew it....
she was plummeting through the pipes underground...
faster and faster...
and this went on for at least ten minutes...
and she thought she would literally drown...
and then......
she burst through the water into the sunlight...
and she found herself in the pasture at the end of the L.I.E...
where the red,reindeer SCULPTURE sits,
 marking the entrance to the Hampton's....
more to come....

Bad Charisma: A Fictional Memoire

a cacophony of 'gag orders'....

and unintentional 'broo Ha haa'...
where was it all coming from ??
where was it, for that matter, heading ?
would they ALL go into hibernation this December ??
would the 'esoteric Chasidim' be disinclined
to join in the 'pre Shabbat' banter?
would RUDOLPH wear a yarmulke this CHRISTMAS ??
important questions...worthy of heady and skeptical contemplation...
COME ALL YE.....faithful ???
WHAT ??

there was a random song playing...

and she had such an intense, visceral reaction to this particular music...
that she determined to become a musician...
there and then...
and she picked up a guitar that had been laying around...
and she began to drum on it...
as though she were a shaman...
and this made her entire body move in rhythmic accord...
I'll never be able to accurately describe
the way her blood was flowing
and her heart was jumping
from this mere fusion of synergistic sounds...
and it made her happy....
like, INTELLECTUALLY and provocatively happy...
little things, my friends, can make the most profound impact...
we only need recognize their presence and then...
"SPIRITUALLY CAPITALIZE" on them...

they drove and drove...

through what seemed like 'continents'...
she kept pinching herself...
it had to be a dream...
it was like Alice falling down the rabbit hole....
there were boys with caps on their heads, riding gigantic tricycles...
and there were these houses made of clay....
green clay....
with similar, very large,
undulating pouches propped up
 in front of them on the sidewalks....
everywhere there were sparkles and glitter...
the man's turban became a snake !!!
she had to get out of here !!!
WHERE WAS HERE ????
there was a rhapsody playing in the distance....
the women outside the taxi were EXTREMELY TALL....
WAKE UP !!!
WAKE UP !!!!
a baby busted out of the glitter pouch on her lap...
a baby !!!
with a pink nose...
she really should NOT have eaten that Hebrew National Salami last night....
LOL

she got into a taxi...

she took off her gloves and laid them on the seat...
and as she did so, she caught the glimmer of something 'sparkling'
behind the seat....
not the glint of 'coin', mind you...
but a kind of ethereal sparkle...
violet in nature...
yet somehow translucent....
as she reached for it,
she had the odd feeling that her life was about to change...
it was an envelope...
not a regular, paper envelope...
but a kind of pouch made of sparkle and 'light'....
there was a zipper...
she tried to open it, but it was stuck..
the thing in her hands made her palms sweat...
it was HOT...
very hot...
and something was moving inside this sparkly pouch...
it looked and felt the way a baby looks while still inside the mother...
sort of 'undulating'...
perhaps she should say something to the driver...
after all, there was something very weird going on here...
WHY deal with this alone?
it could be terrorism or ....who knew?
she looked up...
the driver had a turban on...
odd... she hadn't noticed that before...
he was smoking a pipe...it smelled like clove and Cinnamon....
the taxi, in fact, was FILLED with the spicy smoke...
OH< MY GOD !!!
they didn't seem to be in New York any more !!!
what on earth was going on here ????
(stay tuned)...

from time to time...

as we reflect upon things done in past lives...
upon things that may have required a "do-over",
but could not hold up to our own heady scrutiny and deliberation...
we see......CLEARLY...
the ERROR of our transgressions...
the all encompassing umbrella
under which these mis-steps blossomed to
colossal and monumental mistakes...
all the while remaining dry under the cover of
PROTECTION from the elements...
AHHH...
Twiddle Dee Dee.....
we shall don our rubber, profilactic boots yet again....
and weather the storm......

in upper Manhattan there is a cemetery...

and one can feel the history and the presence of the spirits when walking by....
so the other day, i had occasion to pass this cemetery
en route to another destination....
when i saw a woman in a blue coat, sitting on the ground next
to what can only be described as a 'freshly dug grave'....
the blue struck me, as it was electric in its nature...
honestly, it was the bluest blue Ive ever seen...
and she had red hair....
not auburn or copper,
 but BRIGHT, ORANGE, RED HAIR...
and the contrast to the blue
 made it a kind of shocking vignette to behold...
i would've kept on walking, had i not heard the singing....
SHE was singing in Hebrew,
 so of course,
she got my total attention...
she was singing a song about Jerusalem...
and she was SOBBING....throughout the song...
i noticed that she wore a wedding ring...
there was no headstone yet for the grave....
it must've been too Early...
but i understood completely that this man had been her husband....
and that he had perished in service to Israel...
there was a Halal stand outside the cemetery....

they were sublimely crossing the street...

and she looked up for some strange reason....
and she saw a man on top of the roof of a building....
standing very, very close to the edge !
he was about to jump !!
her heart was racing !!
she had to act NOW...
what to do??
what to do ??
if she screamed, she feared he would FALL !!
there were policemen laughing and joking on the corner...
clearly, they'd been TOO BUSY to notice the man...
she had her son with her...
he would be SCARRED ...
he would be 'SCARED'...
oh, my GOD !!
she ran across the street with her boy...
she KICKED one of the cops in the ankle...
she told him to look up...
the fool...
too busy joking around to protect society....
the same dumb oaf who ticketed her car every other day.....
there was a laundry truck....
like in the movies...
it was filled with bags and bags of laundry...
her head was spinning....
her son had to pee....
Jeez....
SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING !!!!!
she raced into the building...left her boy with the cop....
and FLEW past the open-mouthed doorman....
she pressed the top floor in the elevator....
ran up a flight of stairs....
walked out onto the roof....
there was a BLOW-UP figure of a man, tied to the rafter of the building...
posed to look like a suicidal figure.....
what the F**K ???

and Winter was upon them...

and there were colored lights and sleds and Big Macs..
and the children were running against traffic...
and Central Park was filled with vagabonds and dirty water hot dogs
 and black fumes and cigarette butts....
OH !!
and there were orange peels thrown all over the place...
i mean, after all...
they were BIODEGRADABLE, right ??
(in like 2000 YEARS !!)  lolol
however, the oranges were delectable in winter...
and there was ice on the ground...
and an old woman slipped and broke her hip...
while chasing the mugger who had stolen her Louis Vuitton bag..
EVERYONE WAS WEARING SENSIBLE BLACK...
.....what a town......

The family was walking, as always....

and it was so cold and wet and miserable outside...
she saw them often....
the mother and father with the two, small children...
bundled up in their tattered, old coats and hats...
the parents carried big , dirty blankets on their backs, in order to
keep the children warm...
and they wore garbage bags to keep themselves dry....
she cried bitterly whenever they passed by...
many times wanting to offer them a meal...
but they were not beggars, this family ...
they had a certain pride about them...
and they were wholly unapproachable ...
no question about that....
they had a broken shopping cart...
it was lined with the garbage bags...
her heart felt such pain as she gazed at the troubled family....
oddly, they had a dog....
they pulled the old, grungy dog with them always...
the world was a hard place, filled with inequity and broken promises...
she watched as this homeless, forlorn family pulled out a menorah
from the shopping cart, lit candles,
and sang 'maoz tzur', en famille....

After all...What did they expect ??

that she would cow tow to their every whim ??
that she would NEVER break the seal of 'confinement' ?
that somehow THEY would INHERIT THE EARTH ??
although their meek ways were enshrined in a pseudo-
golden pavilion of STUPIDITY?
that she would need to don her SPACE accoutrement in order to breath
through A STRAW ??
WHAT WERE THEY THINKING ???
seriously....
couldn't they see how ridiculous their demands were ?
and how UTTERLY foolish these demands made them look ??
did they care ??
Why were people SO LAME ???
was it the fact that CHANUKAH was upon them ?
did they fear their gifts would not be up to snuff ??
or that their oil wouldn't last for the full, 8 days ??
oyyy veyyy
people...people....
wake up !!!The Gift