This just in !!

Sources behind the scenes in Pakistan tell us that
BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
  and HAROLD CAMPING
are planning a MASSIVE FUNDRAISER
at the compound of the "late" OSAMA BIN LADEN....
There will be LEMONADE served...
""NUCLEAR ARMS FOR IDIOTS"" SUPPORT GROUPS...
and FALSE PROPHET BUMPER STICKERS given out...
The coveted item,
 "I EXPERIENCED THE RAPTURE ON SATURDAY,
  AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS F**KIN' TEESHIRT"...
will be part of the Goody Bag received upon committing to a
 VERY LARGE and ILLICIT DONATION......
They will be raffling off SCUD MISSILES and ANTHRAX...
Apparently,
This A-LIST PARTY  is a  "MUST ATTEND"....
(for any student of SENSATIONALISM and CRYING "FIRE" IN A CROWDED THEATER)...
This is Toby Gotesman Schneier...
Bringing you the most UP-TO-DATE news....