Ridding Oneself of Calluses......a Metaphor,,,,,

We spray them with Vitamin E....
We file them and sand them.....
We dip them in Cider Vinegar and boiling, hot water....
and buff the shit outta them.....
 We do everything possible to eradicate them....
And the thing is.....
they FOOL us....
Yes. they do....
They give us the impression that they have disappeared....
that they are long gone....
That finally.....
we will wake up to SMOOTH, lovely feet....
Baby's feet...
with the promise, dangling like a carrot.
that we will prance along the sun-filled paths of our days....
as if  floating upon warm, velvety sand...
for the rest of our rose-colored existence....

But alas....
we awaken to a brittle, cracked, and dry reality...
The calluses have not disappeared...
AU CONTRAIRE...
They have GROWN !!!
They are so big and long and extraordinary...
that we can barely see the ceiling through the thicket of skin and debris....
We attempt to just simply get out of our bed...
But the calluses are holding us prisoner ...
in a jail cell made of webbed bars....

We lie back.....defeated...spent....

But you can bet on this.....
We will surely attempt, yet again, in the days to come....
 to find myriad ways of 'pedicuring away' the excesses which drain the essential
life force we so desperately crave ....
The calluses will KNOW their demise...
and we will regain control....

Profoundly Nostalgic....

We are moved ,beyond words, by the appearance of old friends...
Interestingly,,,this includes even old ACQUAINTANCES...
for after all.....we share a  history...
( though it may SEEM as though we don't)...
Why, you ask ?
Because EVERY day for the first 18 years or so of our lives.....
we passed by the same tree....and the same garbage cans....
We all whined for our moms to take us to the SAME Baskin Robbins...
And once we canoodled and manipulated our way in there,,,
we ALL ordered the SAME , PINK BUBBLEGUM ice cream !!
We ALL watched "The Wonder Years" and "The Brady Bunch" and "The Flintstones"...
And we ALL got dropped off on Sundays at the Jewish Community Center...
We ALL played basketball....most of us skied....
You get my point.....

So that....EVEN, if you will,,,,
 after all of our GENETIC CODING and DIVINE IMPRINTING were made manifest ...
EVEN with our  alleged PRE-DESTINY set into place ,,,,
there is a factor....
a HUMAN factor....
a VARIABLE...that we shared.....
 simply because of location and some semblance of socioeconomic standing....
And it is precisely BECAUSE of this PATTERNING.....
 that we found one another....

Are you taking notes ???

CONSTANT APPRECIATION.....

It's all very well and good when people are 'happy' with what they have...
Of course it is...
Of course it is...
But what about those people who are
CONSTANTLY making declarations about how "BLESSED" they are ?
about how MUCH they APPRECIATE EVERY, little thing ?
....about how their DINNER MENU was sublime and their dog SMILED...blah blah..blah ??
Do we REALLY TRULY believe them after ALL the CONSTANT pseudo-bragging ?
I mean...truth be told...
if you're REALLY THAT happy and appreciative, would you be TYPING IT ON FACEBOOK
every day ???
uhhh...
WHY ??
This brings me to my point...
PERHAPS....
(I suggest this humbly..)
Perhaps one should be a bit more...uhhh...
ELEGANT ?
a bit more UNDERSTATED somehow ?
Perhaps the TRUE value of 'happiness' and 'bliss' can be found more authentically in  PRIVACY ...
NOT whatsoever in INDULGENT, PUBLIC PROCLAMATION...
It just doesn't ring true otherwise....you can be sure...
It loses its punch somehow...
Its veracity...
A wise woman, once upon a time, advised me to
"GUARD MY HAPPINESS"...
to "protect it"...
Profound and Prophetic words, my friends....
which at the time I had not a clue as to what they meant....
But NOW....NOW I DO...
So....maybe just take a moment to EXAMINE why it is that you need to
 continuously CONVINCE "us" that you're SO BLESSED and SO HAPPY....
Maybe you're REALLY just trying to convince YOURSELF ???
Perhaps go INWARD for a change...
How would that feel ?
How would it look ?

just a thought.....

Feldstein (the Geezer) ....Part 3

So as the old Chasid passed by Ebeneezer Felstein en route to the study,
two things occurred to Feldstein:

1) How on earth did the old man KNOW EXACTLY where the study was ???
for he had gone directly into the room with no hesitation or reticence...

2) What was that smell ?
It wafted through the air, as the old man walked by him.....
A FAMILIAR smell...
Actually a rather DELICIOUS smell indeed...
For some odd reason, it made Ebeneezer's eyes fill with tears...
NOSTALGIC tears somehow...

"BAAAAH HUMMM SCHMUCK!!", he thought...
"Enough of this inane thought process...
He was an important man after all...
No time for EMOTION...
Emotion was for the WEAK.....the STUPID... "

The old man had seated himself immediately in Feldstein's favorite , leather chair !!
Why.......
the AUDACITY !!
Who did this lowly beggar think he was ????
And as Ebeneezer opened his mouth to ASSAULT the old man with a lengthy diatribe on manners and "STATIONS in life,,,,
the strangest thing happened ...
He could NOT make a sound !!!
NOT A SINGLE SOUND came from Ebeneezer's mouth !!!
What was happening ???

The old man, seemingly not noticing the vocal PARALYSIS Ebeneezer was experiencing,,,
held out his gift....the one wrapped in golden cellophane ...
The gift was for Ebeneezer...
But how..... ????

(to be continued)

Ebeneezer (the GEEZER) Feldstein (part 2)

So...
Feldstein fell into a deep sleep on his leather chair after gorging himself on
latkes and cognac....
And what seemed like just a few moments later, there came a knock on the front door..
It was quite a light knock actually , but somehow it shocked him fully awake..
He dragged his sluggish, heavy body to the door..
"Odd", he thought, "I NEVER have visitors at this hour.."
As he opened the door, he came face-to-face with an old, old man...
A Jew....with a long white beard....
A Chasid...
He work a black coat and hat...
He had long , curly ringlets hanging down the sides of his wrinkled, white face...
The ringlets were "old" somehow...like the man...grey...frayed...but in tact....
He held a package in his shaky hand....
It was wrapped with golden cellophane...
a present...
Feldstein said rather grumpily, "What do you want, OLD MAN ?"
"You must have the wrong house..."
The Chasid just stood there....silently.....
His eyes directly penetrated into Feldstein's soul somehow...
disarming him suddenly...completely.....
Feldstein said now, with less patience entirely,
"I have NO TIME for foolish , old men!"
"Leave immediately!!"
Still the old man stood silently, his expression unchanged...
Clearly he was nonplussed by the warning sound of Feldstein's words....
He asked then, "Mr Feldstein, Sir, may I come in out of the cold?"
"I am very old, as you can see,  and my heart cannot take such extreme temperatures"
"I am here to speak to you in any case, Mr Feldstein."

Ebineezer Feldstein was NOT a man who took in strangers....
AU CONTRAIRE....
He was a man who ATE STRANGER FOR LUNCH !!

But in this particular moment...on this particular night...
his own heart somehow "softened" a bit toward this old Jew in the cold...
He said, "You have 10 minutes to warm yourself.....But ONLY 10 minutes!"
"I must get to sleep, for I have MANY LIVES TO RUIN tomorrow !!"
""Baaaa Hum Schmuck !!!""
"hahahaha!!!"
He stepped aside and the old man entered the vestibule....
(to be continued)

The Story of Ebeneezer (the GEEZER) Feldstein....

Ebeneezer Feldstein....(better known as the GEEZER.......)
 was a banker...
a well known financier...
famous for his HOSTILE TAKEOVERS...
PARTICULARLY the ones where he essentially STOLE companies which had been
privately held in families for many generations..
These were his FAVORITES....
The children of these families would inevitably appear on the first night of Chanukah.....
on his 14 karat, gold doorstep....
Yarmulkes (Skullcaps) in hand...
BEGGING....PLEADING...for him to show just a modicum of kindness toward them...
They were starving by this point....
Bed-ridden, most of the time, from malnutrition...
Their families had no candles to light....
and they had sold their Menorot (Candelabrum)....in exchange for a few potatoes...
enough to boil a soup for 18 people...
GONE were the days of Latkes and Chocolate Gelt (coins)...
They had only potato soup and very old bagels ...
 stale, mite infested bagels for Chanukah....
Even still.....
the children would come baring gifts for FELDSTEIN....
an old shoe....a torn scarf...a scratched CD....
And Ebeneezer would laugh in their poor, little, pale faces....
wiping the Latke grease from his double chin....
"BAAA HUMMM SCHMUCK !!!", he would cry...
"Your parents should have been more careful!"...
"After all, children, your trust accounts were vulnerable!"
"What was I to do ??"
"Baaa Ha Ha Ha"
The children would leave weeping....with no coats in their possession....
Starving.....
ready to walk the 14 miles home in the cold...
And "The GEEZER" would retire to his study for a cognac and a LATKE....

On this particular night, Ebeneezer nodded off in his big, leather chair...
After all, he was exhausted from arduously stealing his fellow Jew's livelihoods all day.....
I mean, give the guy a break !! Right ??
(to be continued)

I know what I'M saying...But what are YOU saying ??

And around and around we go....
for YEARS....
And the ultimate twist is that,,,
it's ALWAYS bad timing ...
And if, per chance, it's NOT bad timing...
you can bet that ONE or BOTH of us
will find some lame excuse to dampen the "out of the box" plans...
ANY excuse...
So...
What does this mean ?
And WHY do we continue on with this  Exercise in Futility?
And WHY does it ALWAYS feel WRONG ???
And what exactly is the ATTRACTION ??
Is he the DEVIL in sheep's clothing ?
Am I ???
I'm willing to place a bet that this is NOT the last chapter of "us"...
Cause in truth.....the story hasn't even BEGUN yet...

An extraordinary woman died today....Mona Ackerman

She was a FORCE....
A GIANT of a woman....
Willful....Determined....
She was filled with the fire of a LEADER...
Brilliant.......Funny....Stoic....
She gave EFFORTLESSLY....MAGNANIMOUSLY...
of herself....of everything she had....
She judged no one...
She understood deeply that Human Beings are flawed...
and that was quite OK with her...
She had tremendous compassion for human suffering...
A truly MODERN woman....
A THINKER....A DOER....

I remember the hours upon hours that we would sit and laugh together...
and cry together....
the lunches...
the spectacular evenings...
when she and I would sneak out the back and just hide for awhile....

There are things which she told me....
advise which she gave me..anecdotes which she shared with me....
profound words and lessons which she bestowed upon me...

I will cherish her memory always....
She was a FRIEND...
a MENTOR....
a ROLE MODEL...

May you rest in peace, Dear Mona....
The world was that much
    better for knowing you...
You will be forever in all of our hearts...

Clementine,,,Turpentine.....La-La-La.....

The perfect, little orange is REAL....
(I think!)
It's not just a color and a shape...right ??
I mean,,,it has JUICE, doesn't it??
I can juggle with it...(if ONLY I knew how to juggle!)
And I can paint it and even EAT it...(if I want to!)
Right ??
It came in a CRATE....
The crate was made of REAL WOOD...

not just veneer.....(I think!)
I can paint the crate too, ,,,can't I ??
I can even paint ON the crate if I feel like it....
Yup....
Is it possible that my reality has shifted somehow ?
So that EVERYTHING seems TURPENTINE-worthy ??
Or....
Is everything TRULY turpentine-worthy ???
WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT ???!!!
La La La

Angels appear...

My friends,

What I'm about to share with you will consolidate MANY of those random thoughts,
feelings, and ideas
which you have, up until NOW,
been afraid of.... embarrassed by....even somehow "in denial" about.....
I have this on excellent authority....
Read carefully.....

There are ANGELS walking among us...
One need only LOOK....
and of course, know the signs....

How will you know when you are in the presence of an ANGEL, you ask ??

Here's the deal :
Pay close attention....

1)  You will IMMEDIATELY LIKE the person....
which will be somewhat of a departure for you,
being that you are inherently suspicious and
 generally GIVE PAUSE before rendering a verdict on a new person...

2) After your first meeting with this particular person,
you will feel a sense of RELIEF, so to speak..
as if the burdens you've been carrying around have somewhat SHIFTED....
(This will be probably be a SUBTLE shift..)

3) You will find yourself incredibly DRAWN to the person....
in a way that you have seldom felt before...
NEEDING their approval....NEEDING their advice....

4) As such...
you will notice a "YEARNING" almost....
to be in their presence...
NOT in a SEXUAL or ROMANTIC way !!
Heavens, NO !!
Rather...
in a FAMILIAL WAY...
like wanting a mother or sister beside you...

5) EACH and EVERY time that you leave this person's side...
it will occur to you that MEETING THEM WAS A GREAT GIFT !!
that you have been literally ENRICHED by their appearance in your life...

6) This person will PUZZLE you at times....
possibly even IRRITATE you with their...
uhhhh....
"WACKINESS" perhaps...
with their EXPLICIT inability to conform to normal routine...
with their inability to be on time....to even show up at all perhaps !!

7) You will SELDOM see this ANGEL....
She will be UNAVAILABLE....
She will even disappear at times...

But make NO mistake  ....
Your ANGEL was sent here to PROTECT YOU...
to LOVE YOU...
to NOURISH A PIECE OF YOUR SOUL...
to be your GUARDIAN....

And here's the thing:
You won't necessarily KNOW for sure that she's an ANGEL.....
 until afterwards...in retrospect....

Heady stuff...