there's brighter color in the air...

even though the heat continues to permeate the pavement....
there is a sense of 'hope'.....
that things will begin to CHILL again soon....:}

there is a kind of different,
poignant light that has entered the circumference of our meandering......
6 ft in every direction....
signaling, yet again,
cyclical continuum.....
karmic 'rejiggering'....
simple...
straightforward.....
ever reliable in its repetitive essence......

it is when these nuances fail to make their appearance,
that one must question his own precarious stance....
with regard to "fundamental organics"....

and so on......

i made a contract with GOD.....

i promised to be a 'better JEW'....
a better 'person'....

but,,,,
in return, i asked HIM to do something for me as well....
not exactly 'quid pro quo'....
just to show me "HIS HAND"......

i had been tossing and turning about apartments....
where to live, now that the lease would be up....
unsure....
mixed about so many things.....
about mom, work, love, etc.....

and as SOON as i had my conversation with 'our father'.....
not a half day later....
the agent in my building called me...
excited .....
that a DREAM APARTMENT had come up !!!
my son and i ran up to take a look.....

AND JUST LIKE THAT......
""HEAVEN ON THE UPPER EAST SIDE"""
 APPEARED.....

LOFTY....
SENSATIONAL....
ETHEREAL......

there it was......
THE "HAND OF GOD".....
just like that.....

so i watched this video of a man with no arms and no legs......

and i had gone to take care of my elderly mom just before that....
she is fading quickly into the landscape of life's late years.....
and i was SO sad....
because people are fragile....
and time is a rare commodity......
and your universe
 can pass by without having
 announced its limitations ......

and we can wake up one morning...
without a dad.....
without a brother.....
and that guy in the video wakes up EVERY MORNING.....
without his LIMBS.....

and something else, my friends.....

there is a moment,
just after the KNOWING.....
when we reach an apex of a sort....
and we realize that we are
STRONG.....
STRONGER THAN STRONG !!!!
and that we have, in fact,
 TOUGHED IT OUT.....
ALREADY !!!!

and that its really OK !!!
I MEAN.....
IT REALLY IS !!!

and further.....
that for all of the LOUSY CHOICES we've made....
we've made some pretty
 GREAT ONES TOO !!!

and that WE ARE ""GOOD"""...

a shocking revelation !!

GOOD and INTEGROUS and
"of GOD".....

and that we are woven ,
all of us,
together....
by MORAL FIBER and
PLATINUM STRING......

and wouldn't ya know it ??

JUST AS WE'VE REACHED THESE LOFTY CONCLUSIONS.....

we've just noticed that......
there's a little angel.....
sitting upon our knee...
playing his harp.....
smiling and celebrating the woman that we've become....

I AM GODDESS XREBBETZIN.....

another year...

and life continues....
and parents,
those GIANTS of our lives,
SHRINK....
down to tiny creatures who depend
 FULLY upon us....
upside down goes the teeter totter of our memoire...
CHODESH ELUL
(the month of ELUL)
 is at the tip of our consciousness....
at the helm of our awareness....
""justice accounting""....
checks and balances....
""WHO SHALL LIVE AND WHO SHALL DIE ?"".....
daunting !!!!
fear and contemplation engulf us.....
have we been NAUGHTY OR NICE ???
and autumn has its colored claw on our precious,
 green trees....
yellow and brown are slowly sneaking into the landscape.....
the boots with the new heel are
NOW AVAILABLE in the window of everyone's
 favorite store....
the kids are off to school,
 groaning and moaning.....
the backpacks have begun,
ALREADY,
 carving
 their indelible etchings into the delicate, little, shoulder blades....
WHO SHALL LIVE AND WHO SHALL DIE ??
a new year is dawning.....

as the liberals continued spewing....

'in articulations' and nonsensical verbiage......
from their nostrils and HITHER through their assholes.....

a righteous American picked up a shovel and began
piling their BULLSHIT into a big, red truck,
driven by illegal immigrants and
leftover democrats.....

Polly,
the southern daughter of a Cole miner...
was present as the votes were, again , counted....
GOOD, RELIABLE POLLY....
would secure the electorate ....
as sure as dickens !!

and the Rutherford family would continue to
count their chickens before they were hatched....
ever optimistic.....

presumptively, the south would rise again,
and eggs and hash would be served at the
REPUBLICAN BED AND BREAKFAST...
for several years to come.....

***moral of the story....
HIT 'M LOW AND HIT 'M HARD !!!
CONSERVATIVES RULE  !!!

the young, Jewish boy .....

was receiving the lofty and esoteric imagery....
the imagery which was literally falling,
 like pellets,
from the heavens.....

what was the meaning of these ethereal vignettes ??

there were three basic pictures....
floating through the sublime atmosphere.....

the first was a 'rainbow'...
a basic, simple,
even corny image.....
but atop the rainbow was a car,,,,
a Volkswagen beetle.....
and driving the small, nerdy car
 was a NAZI OFFICER.....
with a large, yellow swastika
worn as an amulet around his neck......

the second image was a house....
it appeared to be somewhere in the country....
there was rolling lawn......
the house had NO ROOF.....
just a tree, covering the interior somewhat.......
but not Altogether.....
there were peppermint sticks hanging from its branches.....
and red velvet sofas within....
a cat was sleeping inside the house....

and finally,
the third image.....
a tall, tall man.....
a man on stilts......
with a turban......
dressed in yellow, silk, lounge wear........
sucking on a green lollipop....
a cross was embroidered onto the turban....
he was standing next to a swimming pool......
in winter........

she wasn't 100% convinced.....

i mean....
he was quite a bit older than she...
VERY DISTINGUISHED THOUGH....

a SUPERSTAR !!
no question about that !!

and he was SO POWERFUL....
it made her knees weak......
power was such an aphrodisiac, after all.....

it was a different turn she was taking.....
and one she had greatly turned away from in the past.....
the fancy restaurants....
the weekends in Milan.....
she'd done all that already....

but......
on the other hand.....

WHY NOT ???
really !!
WHY ON EARTH NOT ???

she had scoffed at 'excesses and materialism'
for most of her life....
found it rather vulgar actually.....

perhaps it was easy to do so
because she'd always had whatever she'd wanted....
and more.....

nonetheless...

 life was filled with surprises
and Belgian chocolate
and
writs of "habeas corpes".......:}}

so she would saddle up the Bentley,
or rather she'd saddle up the chauffeur......:}}
and HE WOULD SADDLE UP THE BENTLEY !!

and they would drive off into eternal sunshine.....
SHE and HER NEWEST BEAU.......

clearly, it was no Harley....
BUT IT, TOO,
 WAS A 'NICE RIDE'........

Missy in the Hummer.....

so Missy goes to "sports camp at the pier",
in order to pick up Candice from another day in the
'saltmines'
of Manhattan....
LOL
there's the gorgeous Rastafarian again !!!
the one who stamps HER valet ticket !!!
OK...
OK.......
so he's NOT a lawyer or a doctor
or even a JEW !!!
but those freaking dreadlocks !!!
OH MY GOD !!!
and he smiles that big, white smile.....
and i guess there's a moment where Missy wonders if
his teeth look so white because of his black skin......
LOLOLOL ...
ya gotta love that MISSY !!!

so the votes were in......

and the candidate had won by a landslide.....

and yet.... and yet....
he chose to walk home alone....
skipping out on the celebratory dinner...

odd behavior for the winner of such a high ranking office...

what was his 'choice of solitude' about ??

perhaps he simply needed to breathe....
it had all been so grueling and anxiety inducing......

but none of them seemed the least bit interested
 in what his true sentiments were.....
they were all so wrapped up in their own agendas.....

'planning' their calendars down to the bone......

for what ???

he bonked himself on the forehead,
so as to expunge these thoughts.....
HE WAS THE LUCKY WINNER OF GLORY AND FAME !!!!
HE WOULD RULE !!!

he would lead the public in
 SHOCKING AND ANGELIC WAYS !!!
he would be HISTORIC and GAME CHANGING !!!

then why was he so desperately deflated ??

his wife and children would be waiting at the dinner...
worrying....
and yet....
he could not bring himself to attend.....

they hadn't really stopped to consider.....

what building a shrine would entail....
they thought, for certain,
that we'd buckle under the pressure.....

well......
AU CONTRAIRE , MON FRERE !!

we not only DIDN'T buckle,
but we gathered our troops together,
 in order to
SHOW THEM THE POWER !!!

notwithstanding all of this , however,
they continued to wiggle and waggle and ooze
venomous
'unction'....
from their pores......

well...
NOT TO WORRY, AMIGOS !!!
we are on top of their antics !!!
we will doggedly march forward....

and believe me !!!
THEY WILL NOT BUILD THAT SUCKER !!!!

they drove for hours........

along the ocean......
in his red convertible......

they drove through 'dry towns'....
dry towns !!
they still instituted BLUE LAWS !!
no alcohol allowed !!
in deep Jersey.....
deep, BACKWARD JERSEY....:}}

the sun was hot....
she had worn her green sundress...
the one that matched her eyes......

he couldn't stop looking at her.....
to the point where, she was worried they'd have an accident !!

she chuckled at his drooling though
(CLEARLY she still had it !!)

they stopped to get a milkshake....
she went inside....
there was a disconcerting 'quiet' in the ice cream shop...
the kind of quiet that alerts one's senses to imminent danger.....

she saw the guy with the gun....
she didn't even have time to formulate a thought.....
she was frozen.....
paralyzed with fear......

he was holding the gun to the head of a very old man....
the poor, old man had wet himself......
there was a stench of urine....

then a shot !!!!
LOUD !!!
FINAL !!!!

the old man was on the floor !!!
blood was everywhere !!
there were intestines or ORGANS or something
 splattered on the ice cream counter.....

she heard a clock ticking.....
someone was crying.......

it smelled like SKUNK....
the gunman was running.....
a radio outside was blasting Van Morrison......

she really was craving that milkshake now......
thoughts of the red convertible smelling like
 'skunk'
were shuffling through her head......

and they would meet .....

and he would inhale the smell of her hair......
and ogle her decolletage.....
she fully aroused him.....

and she would delight in his subliminal power...
and in his cockiness....
and he would BITE her lips.....
when he kissed her....

she didn't know quite what to make of him....
he was an odd one.....
a loner.....
divided in his interests and proclivities......

but she couldn't exactly shake him from her mind either......

there was something compelling about him......
she didn't trust him though.....
not really.....
he was driven by his own needs for certain......
(like most politicians)

he would make 'suggestions'.....
issue orders.....
a garter, a short dress....

did she really NEED TO TRUST HIM ??
:}}}
probably not....

i mean.....
she trusted ""HERSELF"".......
she was in FULL control.....
right ??
am i right ???

AND
 she wanted so much to let caution escape its tedious boundaries....
but something kept her from doing so.....

for behind his 'genuine' smile....
there dwelt a 'CAD'....
a CAD who ONLY WANTED TO HAVE HIS WAY with her.....
and then some......

he COULD,
however,
be of ENORMOUS help with the exceeding amounts
of RED TAPE....:}}

the crowd gathered.....

for they had never seen a spectacle of this magnitude before.....

the four, bipolar sisters had really lost their minds entirely !!

all of them,
dressed in red lingerie,
riding through the small, beach town....
on the backs of motorcycles with swastikas painted on the sides.....

did they really hate the Jews so much ???
or had all OF their encounters just been unfortunate happenstance ?

there was the time that ALICE,
 the oldest,
was caught stealing challah from the BEACH BAKERY....

IN TRUTH,
 POOR ALICE had been trying only to feed her younger sisters...
as their mother had left them alone for so many days.....
alone with no money and no food....
AND THE LITHIUM STASH WAS
RUNNING DANGEROUSLY LOW as well.....

they had only the phone number of the local parish.......
but no phone !!

 the kosher bakery owner, howver,
 could not very well
allow people to
STEAL THE CHALLAHS !!!

i mean....
SHABBOS was coming !!!
the local Jews needed their breads !!!

Alice had kicked and screamed and cried out
antisemitic, rhetorical diatribe !!!

it was all really a colossal misunderstanding !!

the girls were up to their eyeballs in debt and citation and demagoguery....

nonetheless.....
there was NO EXCUSE FOR ANTISEMITISM !!!!

SWASTIKAS ???
i mean,
really ???

IT'S CHANUKAH IN AUGUST !!!

AND INSTEAD OF 'FROLICKING THROUGH THE SNOW'......
WE'RE
 CRAWLING AND MUDDLING
 THROUGH HUMIDITY AND BUS,
EXHAUST FUMES.......

AND INSTEAD OF "DONNING OUR FAVORITE, CASHMERE SWEATER"....
WE'RE
GETTING NAKED AND LOOKING FOR AN AIR CONDITIONER THAT WORKS !!!

THE FLAVOURED ICES ARE MELTED AND DIRTY.....
THE SMELLS OF RANDOM, BODY ODOR
AND OUTDOOR URINAL CONCESSIONS
 PERMEATE THE CITYSCAPE....

AND THERE ARE NO HOLIDAY PRESENTS !!!!
NOT REALLY !!!

THERE ARE TELEPHONE BILLS
AND
 KIDS WHO NEED NEW CLOTHES
AND
OLD,
800 THREAD COUNT, BLANKETS.....
THE LIKES OF WHICH HAVE SEEN BETTER DAYS.....

AND YOU CAN'T REALLY DELIVER THE POTATO PANCAKES
ON A 'BORROWED', WAVE RUNNER !!!!
CAN YOU ???

AND WINTER BREAK IS FAR OFF !!
AND YOU DON'T NEED TO ESCAPE TO A
'WARMER CLIMATE'.....
BECAUSE YOU ARE LIVING IN
 THE OVENS OF
 *****HELL***** !!!!
AND THAT SHIT IS HOT !!!

SO....
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO SURVIVE THIS SEASON ??

YOU CAN....

A)    MOVE TO ALASKA....
B)    MAKE SURE TO PAY YOUR ELECTRIC BILL !!
C)    RUB ICE CUBES ON YOUR HEAD CONSTANTLY !!!

THE CHOICE , AS ALWAYS, IS YOURS !!

they brought her a bowl of ice cream.....

 'pistachio'....
green.....
symbolic of her ""PLENTIFUL"" day ......

they knew how much she loved pistachio, after all......
and,
of course,
green was the color of 'success and healing'.....
not to mention the fact that it would satisfy her insatiable 'sweet tooth'.....
at least for the moment.....

and they brought it to her on the back of a Shetland pony.......
from the creamery in the other town......
the one with the 'special cows'......

a little, blond girl with freckles and braids rode in to town,
sidesaddle......
and handed the ice cream to Missy.....
(strange that it hadn't melted during the long, hot ride !)

but let's remember......
i had come from
 ^^^^THAT creamery^^^^....

the girl planted a sugary, sweet kiss on Missy's cheek......

it brought a  tear to the woman's eye......
and she had a moment of ,
what seemed like,
pure, unadulterated emotion....

and then.......
a flashback to simpler days.....

there was that old, familiar longing again.......

 a fairy flew by.....
ever so quickly....
and sprinkled 'glitter' into the air.......

and so it went......

and it became a toxic wasteland......

for they were all so ridiculously intertwined.....
in a bad way.....

and deceit and innuendo were on the menu in the
now,
 **HALL OF SHAME**.....

that place where beauty and love had once
 known their humble beginnings....
that place where she had given her 'all'....
so that GOD could be addressed...
with elegance,
and of course,
with grace......

incredible and staggering
how the most gorgeous intent can turn to 'silly and bitter melodrama'......

she was embarrassed to be associated with these clowns and tramps.....
female impersonators....
yucky , old hags with 'vendeta notebooks'.....

oyyy veyyyyyy.........

she felt repelled by the sanctimonious and pathetic stab at the brass ring......
a free-for-all of gossip,
and castration of the soul....
and of the gonads !

how would she ever extricate herself and her babe from these idiots ??
the question plagued her throughout the night....

we could hear the horses outside.......

the ones belonging to the soldiers....
the soldiers were dressed in golden jackets and LAME fatigues....
with turbans......

and umbrellas.......
open umbrellas ....

was it raining ???

they rode by the windows of the old farmhouse....
CLIP CLOP ////////
CLIP CLOP////////
we attempted to remain very still.....
for we surely did not want to be taken to the middle east 'camps'.....

we dreaded those 'camps'....
our cousins had never returned,,,,,,,,

they were believed to be labouring in SYRIA.....
toiling......
serving the "crown prince"
 his
favorite ""delicacies""
 on silver patters....
while walking , barefooted, upon beds of nails.....

balancing the platters upon their heads...

crushing mortar by day......
picking chickpeas by night......

bleeding.....
sweating.....
beneath the DOME.....
benearh the GOLDEN DOME....

CLIP CLOP/////////

shhhh  !!!

WE WOULD BE VERY, VERY STILL......
they would not hear us....
their head count would be slightly 'off'.....
yet again......

we would try to stay safe,
at least until after
ROSH HASHANA...

where had GOD disappeared to ???

americans today are so busy jockeying for a 'modern' position.....

or at least,
attempting to reach
their "PERCEPTION"
 of 'modern'.......

that it appears they've missed the point completely....

our forefathers fought for our inalienable rights
to speak 'freely'....
to practice religion 'freely'.....

NOT so that ANIMALS
 from third world CAVES
COULD THEN EASILY 
be able to come in and TAKE OVER !!
and insinuate their own brand of
law and megalomaniacal tyranny.......

au contraire, Mon frere......

these rights were put, painstakingly into place....
in order to PROTECT US......
as a people....
as a whole......
as a united front !!

the """UNITED STATES""" !!!
NOT the
"DIVIDED STATES" !!!

in order for us to have
VOICE and PLATFORM in our precious country...

we are distorting and defaming our own RIGHTS as a free people....
in order to appear tolerant ???
understanding ??
BROAD MINDED ??

the more TOLERANT WE BECOME......
the simpler it is for
""them""
to insinuate themselves into our world....

the more UNDERSTANDING we try to be......
well......

WE ARE SITTING DUCKS.....
ducks quacking in a pond of scum and nuclear arms...

it's just a bed.....

but it feels like a billowy, DREAM-ery cloud....
with wings......
and we melt into its folds
being 'swallowed' by it......
in the most COZY and DECADENT ways....:}}

and it is FUN in there !!!!
it is SO FUN.....
that we never want to get out !!!

and so......
WE STAY ON.....
perhaps OVER STAYING our own 'welcome'.....
certainly longer than we CAN......
 in 'spoon fashion', however.....
in the puffy, "cotton ball" ish, cocoon
 that is really,
after all,
just a bed......:}}

and we can hear a piano playing in the distance....
a song of 'rebirth'....
a SPOON SONG,,,,,,

I AM SOOOO SICK OF BLASPHEMY !!!

I COULD JUST SCREAM !!!

HOW DARE THEY BUILD THAT
***MONSTROSITY***,
JUST NEAR ENOUGH TO THE GRAVES
OF DEVOUT MEMBERS OF
 'OUR' SOCIETY  !!!

HOW DARE THEY !!!!

HOW DARE THEY ATTEMPT TO
DECLARE OUR LAND AS
'THEIRS' !!!!

HOW DARE THEY BUILD
**SHRINES**
 ON THE BACKS OF OUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS
WHO PERISHED !!!

HOW DARE THEY !!!!

THIS WILL NOT TAKE PLACE !!!
WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER !!!!

THEY CAN TAKE
THEIR CAMELS
AND THEIR BURKAS
AND THEIR ROTISSERIE, LAMB BALLS.....

AND THEY CAN RIDE
 AND WEAR
 AND INGEST
 ALL OF THE ABOVE
TO THEIR HEARTS CONTENT......

BUT NOT HERE !!!!

NOT IN MY BACKYARD !!!

AND MOST CERTAINLY NOT
 IN THE PLACE IN WHICH
 THEY BROKE
OUR HEARTS
AND THEIR WORDS....
AND ANY CHANCE OF RECONCILIATION......

NO !!!!
NO !!!!

WE WILL NOT FALL PREY TO THESE SCAVENGERS !!

AND IF IT'S NOT
"""POLITICALLY CORRECT""".....
FOR ME TO FEEL
 PAIN....
AND LOYALTY......
AND
FEAR
AND
REVULSION......

THEN SO BE IT......

the grasshopper smiled.....

uhhhh....
yes !!
grasshoppers have lips !!

he was thinking about the boatloads of laughter
 that he and his friend,
the snail,
had had just yesterday....

he had jumped from one lady's head to another...
driving them bonkers !!
their coiffed hair,
becoming undone....
after they had laboriously camped out in the hotel salon...
awaiting their BRAZILIAN BLOWOUTS....
preparing for SHABBAT......
primping....
teasing....
spraying ! (ewww!)

the snail had a way of always egging him on....:}}
"those who can't...."    :}}

they were roommates....
they lived on a sandbar at the edge of town......

the grasshopper had been told that he was a
"living symbol of prosperity"....
according to the 'feng shui' masters....

so they, of course,
had their laughs !!
and they weathered through the storms, like two, seasoned sailors....

but in the end of the day........
like chivalrous gentlemen.....
 they bid the NOW 'undone' ladies a
" SHABBAT SHALOM"......

his eyes misted over......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWJhiP44s60

as the music played that old, Dylan song.....
the one that they used to dance to.....
under the gazebo.....
a million years ago....

was he sad ??
nostalgic ?
or just......
simply sentimental,
 after all ??

memories were hard to figure.....
they could punch you in the stomach.....
while at the same time,
holding your hand....
patting your head....

Dylan was singing,
"she's an artist".....

ahhhh.....
yup......
she was INDEED an artist ....:}}}

but life moved on.....
as it were.....
and everyone MUST grow up;;;;

(WE CAN HOPE !!)

and the old songs would continue to have
WEIGHT.....
but new songs would have aspects of hope....
and intention....
and resurrection....

and so...
he got back on his Harley....
revved up the motor....
and rode off into the sunset....

what he didn't know
was that she'd been watching him.....
from a window......
watching stoically.......
what could she do, after all ??
too much water under the bridge.....

she patted her eyes with the tissues that always smelled of lavender.....
and got back to her canvas......

and so it went......

a bonfire blazed.....

orange and violet.....
ultra violet ACTUALLY.......
down on the beach.....
and three old women huddled together
in some kind of ceremonial
 'circle'...
there was something 'ominous' about these three, old crones....
  a vigil-like quality to the scene...
nonetheless...
she could NOT remove her eyes  from them....
they didn't know that she was watching.....(DID THEY ???)
they would have surely given here the AXE......

clearly.....
this 'circle' was some kind of SECRET....
black smoke arose from the fire.....
and she could hear them chanting a kind of 'hymn'....
an eery sound.....
they were 'TONING'....

the REALLY fascinating thing about this scene....
is that NOBODY ELSE COULD SEE THEM !!!
only she !!

there was a cauldron.....
they were boiling some kind of creature...
she had the impression that it was a small dog !!!
my GOD !!
a small dog !!

what happened next would stay with her for the rest of her life.....

the three women suddenly became young girls !!!
beautiful, young girls !!
and their black, drab rags were transformed into sheer, silken gowns...
there were delicate, pearl necklaces at their throats.....
no more skulls !
and golden ringlets replaced the gnarly,
 grey, hives of hair
from just the moment before.....

and then....
just like that...

THEY WERE GONE....

she scratched her head.....
HAD SHE IMAGINED THEM ?

Missy sat on the balcony on her tropical island....

just barely ducking the light raindrops as they fell at a slant....
they ALWAYS FELL AT A SLANT HERE....

no matter how hot, humid, and deeply fried she became.....
 she wondered,
 yet again,
 at the splendour of GOD's world....
a world where it can rain and shine all at once.....
a paradise...

an iguana scampered past her feet....
a camelion, it disappeared into the landscape quickly....stealthily...
grey and green......
slimy, yet gorgeous....
GOD's creature too....

a young child was shooting baskets beneath the balcony....
irrespective of the rain....
men with banjos and african drums were
slamming out a tune of 'redemption'.....
the MANHATTAN ICED TEA
at her lips was sour and refreshing.....

GOD.....
SHE LOVED THIS PLACE !!!
so far removed from the cement jungle.....
from the hurried pace of the SERIOUS PEDESTRIANS.....
as they made their IMPORTANT COMMUTES.....
so far away.....

one brick at a time, to be sure......
one jerk chicken dinner,
yet no JERKS !!
ehhhh....
maybe SOME JERKS......
but not as many !!

must we really dwell within the hornets' nest ??
WHY ???

how bout THIS as a way of life ??
i mean....WHY NOT ???

'be laboring' the blue.....

at the risk of sounding somewhat redundant,
i must say.....
yet again...
that this color.....
this BLUE....
sings to me in ways that i am
 perpetually seeking the appropriate words for....
this PARTICULAR, "CARRIBEAN" blue.....
an aquamarine base with ripples of cobalt and turquoise....
THIS BLUE DRIVES ME CRAZY !!!
this must be what the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel
looks like!
i'm not buying the 'yellow light' thing for a minute !!
this has got to be the color of heaven....

they speak of 'picasso's blue period'....
and apparently, the critics were stunned by it,
because blue is the most difficult color to paint with.....blah ..blah...

but i have a different take on it.....

i think,
humbly,  :}}
that they were so in awe of the 'blue period',
because it resonates and shocks and calms and introspects.......
in ways that nothing else even comes close to......

and the UTTER LUXURY
of being able to bask in it...
well.....
I AM JUST BESIDE MYSELF WITH GLEE......

look for this color, my friends......
seek out this rhythm....this palette....
and i promise you....
you will find NIRVANA....

reflections of a birthday woman......

we look back....
and we go OVER and OVER those parts of our past
that we simply cannot,
 even to this day,
 fully understand......

why did we do the things that we did ?
were they pre ordained ?
destined to be ?
was 'DNA' actually driving us in the directions that we chose ?
did we, in fact,
 CHOOSE these directions ?
or were they chosen for us ??
are we victims of a psychodelic wheel of 'fortune' ???

would we do it all exactly the same way again ?

and yet....
and yet....
being in possession of so much information....
information that comes with 'experience' and time.....
we are, quintessentiallty,
 on top of the proverbial mountain !!!
QUEEN OF THE MOUNTAIN !!!
so to speak...:}}

where shall we lead the people,
in honour of this blessed occasion ??

deep into the BLUE WATER ??
into a 'protest' against our adversaries ??
onto a WAVERUNNER ??
into the neighborhood 'BARNES AND NOBLE' ???
in order to get a jump start on our newest accomplishment ???

or should we simply and resolutely
 revel in the magnificence that surrounds us ??

up, up, and away !!!!

and Missy is off on yet another adventure....
this time she's FLYING....
and she'll be met by blue water and the scent of bananas and cream....
and HURRICANES !!
YIKES !!!!
her favorite combo !

and free time is almost over....
so she'd better
"claim that surf" FOR her own !!
before the
fall....
the AUTUMN, that is...:}}

so she's packing up the TUMI with
designer shades
and lash glue
and various,
 black, bikini bottoms....
and a random pair of platforms!
Missy's gotta have her platforms in 'TOE' !!
(tow?)
and there are MYRIAD decisions and such....
in store.....
just beyond the blue......
goals....
aspirations....
deadlines.....
love decisions....
business moves...
logistics......
geographical implications....
political unrest.......

nonetheless.....

birthday cake  and tequila will be served beneath the stars.....

she couldn't hope for more.....:}}

I AM GODDESS XREBBETZIN

and the people are fighting.....

and the nations are at war....
and the homeland is INSECURE....
and love is elusive.....
and sales tax is back !!!
and they are building an edifice....a SHRINE .......
to the enemy....
and MASHIACH (messiah) seems to have lost our address !!
and the dog has warts.....
and the leaders have fallen off a truck......
and even JETBLUE is TOO EXPENSIVE.....
and our feet feel like red, puffy tomatoes.....
and the lashes keep falling OFF onto the kitchen floor......
and.......
I CAN'T......

and the sorcerer is perched.....

on that tree branch...
over there.....

perched to do his 'bidding'....
for YOU....

he will concoct the epic potion, so that
you will be free of 'encumbrance'.....

and in the event that you can no longer enjoy this luxury,
a 'freedom fighter' shall be appointed to serve in your stead....

for a new dawn is awakening around the 'fromagery'....
Frenchmen are counting their 'euros'.....
as they board the ship to 'manifest destiny'...

a gymnast, with one arm, is carrying the trophy of 'dairy products'....
on a unicycle, made of leather and oats.....

let them eat CAKE ???

not abundantly clear yet.....

however...
freedom is a GIFT......
hence, be thankful for this ultimate change in circumstance......

and never let it be said that you MANIPULATED the scene.....

so the taxi driver....

is staring and flirting with 'missy'....
asking personal questions, etc.....
and Missy asks him to please focus on the driving.....
and he mumbles something about Pakistan
 UNDER HIS BREATH.....
at which point, Missy's ears perk up......
and she asks him  if he's Muslim....
and he replies, 'yes'....
and she asks him what he thinks of the 'situation' at hand ....
and he asks her, 'WHAT SITUATION?'
she then, unabashedly, asks him how he feels about SEPTEMBER 11th....
he responds,
"ohhh, pllleease....."
"everyone knows that it was a big joke !"
and Missy says, "huh???"
and he goes on to tell her that
 there are NO TERRORISTS within the nation of Islam.....
and that its a peaceful nation.....blah blah blah......
and that it all began because
"JEWS ARE SO RICH"....(quote)
(word for word!)
and then he asks Missy whether he can 'take a picture of her'.....
and Missy responds.....
"put down the fuck in camera NOW !!!"
"and kindly shut up,
or i will call 911 THIS MINUTE,
and i will tell them that you are knowledgeable as to what
REALLY HAPPENED ON SEPTEMBER 11th....
AND THEY WILL ARREST YOU AND DEPORT YOU !!!...."
the rest of the ride was uneventful...
you gotta love that Missy !!

the 'toby' manifesto....

from here on in.....
i promise to be...

more orderly.....
less arrogant....
less defiant....
more TOLERANT...
MORE UNDERSTANDING......

i will never again.....

marry in haste !
get involved with CLERGY !!
litter....
or
 MAKE FUN OF FRED'S LEMON BARS !!!!

i will "attempt" to..

NOT CURSE
stay away from fried food
not park the hummer near fire hydrants....
continue the real estate classes....
not cancel plans at the last minute.....
have patience for people's 'mediocre' ideas....:}
return calls....

i will look for the 'silver lining' in less-than-optimal situations.....
i will separate the recyclable garbage from the other stuff.....
i will walk the dog MORE....(unless it's raining!)
i will HOLD MY TONGUE and react
 in a more 'politically correct' manner...
NOT !!!

and finally.......
i will no longer interpret EVERYTHING as 'antisemitic rhetoric'....
(even though IT IS !)

okay ???
okay ???

as they threw their hands UP in the air.....

all HELL was breaking loose down below....(in a good way!)
the news had come that afternoon....
a small boy on a bike had come to tell them.....
the man in the blue uniform had ordered him to do so......

the child had a bag of pretzels dangling from his jacket pocket....
undoubtedly, the officer had BRIBED him just a bit !

and the music was LOUD outside the apartment complex....
as they ushered in the dawn of a new day....

interesting to note.....
that the boy on the bike.....
was a passenger on the
VERY SAME TRAIN
 that 'our' wilhemina's parents had ridden in on.....
from german town...
just that morning !!!

strange and coincidental happenings......
outside the city limits......

and the dog carried a bone the size of a SMALL CAR....

so they 'congregated', yet again, in the ominous 'stadium'....

the OUTLAW..
his consigliere......

the woman .....
her 'knight'......

and King Solomon...
in full regale....

A FACE-OFF WAS IMMINENT.....

they circled one another.....
assessing......
as always....
assessing the "adversary"....

their facial expressions were frozen into
 'poker'-like grimaces....
bluffing, etc....

nonetheless......
she had worn her PARTY SHOES.....
and her 'ballerina skirt'.....
just in case !!

and she had kept up appearances.....
as ONLY..........A MOTHER LIONess WOULD DO......

the cubs were away.....
at a "hunt"....
learning to 'prey' on innocent carcass....

these hunting lessons were critical to the cubs' development......

they did SO MISS THE LIONess however....

BUT THE CUBS WERE LEARNING TO BE
 men....

so the lady and her knight had a dance.....
for he UNDERSTOOD, in entirety, her 'situation'.....
she felt comforted in this knowledge...
protected even.....

and the two DRONES......Droned on.....

and wise, old, King Solomon STOOD HIS GROUND...
as ever......

doling out niceties and platitudes,
in order to assuage any disconcert ion.......

and so on.....

but the MEAT and POTATOES were SERVED UP
"cold"......
COLD AS ICE.....

they would have to call the pizza delivery service, after all.......

today would be 'pivotal'.....

not like any another day....

and her jaw was 'squared'......
ready for the ultimate battle....

she had aligned her 'ducks'
in a row.........
/////////
quack quack
////////

and the hall of 'repentance' would have been
 dusted and broom swept......
in order to insure that the
 "onlookers with allergies".....
would enjoy the festivities as well.....

no stone was left unturned.....
the whiskey sours would be served....
along with pancakes.....
for,
indeed,
it would be a
BREAKFAST RODEO......

the lassos were prepared.....
in order to 'rope' those HOLY COWS.....
with quick and steady 'fortitude'......
with 'muscle'.....
and 'stealth'....

far be it from her to suggest a DIFFERENT PATH......
for that window of opportunity
had closed.....tightly.....

all that was left for her to do.....
was to witness the carnage.....
with a sense of humility....

hers was not to gloat....

cows being roped and SLICED
 into 'barbequed ribs' was
a simple,
'right of passage'...
for a western girl......

and it was on........

'trials' and tribulations.....

and the sheer 'magnitude' of all the minutia.......
Was swirling and twirling and
permeating ....
perforating....
ANY MODICUM OF SACRED SPACE....

and the woman, dear thing,
 was trying SO HARD to
MOVE PAST IT.....
but IT continued to chase her !!
down deserted alleyways and up hills and dales......
it was the 'Elmer's glue' to her
'ever present, FLY PAPER'......

what would she do with these absurd amounts of
 'magnetism ' ???

ya know....
it was all......
ALL OF IT.........
 about the 'laws of attraction'...
HOW to attract.....

but they didn't really COVER what to do if you attracted
 TOO MUCH !!!

or maybe she had been ABSENT that day...:}}

nonetheless.....
her cup was
 'RUNNETH OVER'.....

and the soup was dripping and dropping
all over the linoleum floor of
"her mind's eye".....

and so on......

one little, added, perplexing observation...ON THIS SUNDAY AFTERNOON.....

what's up with those people.....
who make BIG, LOUD PROCLAMATIONS.....
(usually WHOLLY judgmental ones).....
ABOUT YOU !!!
ABOUT YOUR LIFE !!!

and then.....
when you call them to task on what they've proclaimed.....
they BEHAVE as if
they have NO CLUE what you're talking about ???

THEY DENY THE ENTIRE THING,
out of hand.....
as if it never happened !!!

its a talent actually.....:}}
they make you feel like you may have
 IMAGINED THE WHOLE THING ....

but you know DAMN WELL that you DIDN'T !!!

and you dearly love them,
 but this constant denial makes you want to hurl.....

what's up with those people ??

they turn EVERYTHING AROUND ON YOU......

THEY HURT ""YOU""".......
and then they make you feel like it was
""""YOU""""
 who HURT THEM !!!

WHAT ???!!!

crazy-making characteristic.....

the thing is.....

if you dismiss them "entirely".....
along with everyone else who does
obnoxious and hurtful things,

you will surely end up alone....
sitting on a tuffet.....
eating curds.....
without 'whey' .....

on the other hand, if you can't really stomach another moment of
BULLSHIT.......
well......

very perplexing......
this business of 'relationships'....
indeed......

so.....as a devoted daughter...

you call in the morning,
in order to make sure that mom is UP and going to breakfast.......
(they serve meals at the senior facility)
mom likes to sleep late...
but you are PAYING for breakfast !!!
and its part of the program !!

and she promises to go.....
but you've heard this 'song and dance' before......
and you KNOW that she may just go back to sleep.....
cause she's alwayyyyyys been that way......

so....
you tell her you're coming up there......
and doing the shopping for her,
because she NEVER GOES TO THE PAID BREAKFASTS !!!!
and she's gotta eat !!!

and she tells you that
"SHE DOESN'T NEED ANYTHING !!!!!"
and you try, yet again,
 to EXPLAIN that she should either
EAT THE MEALS THAT ARE PREPARED at the facility.....
or have food in her own kitchen......

and she tells you NOT TO WORRY......
and you tell her that if she truly doesn't want you to WORRY,
that she NEEDS TO GO TO BREAKFAST !!!!!

and the two of you go around and around in circles.....
EVERY SINGLE DAY !!!!!!!!

and that's it.....
that's how it goes.....