She had bought the hostess an orchid plant...

because orchids never seemed to die...
they continued to bloom and 're bloom' in perpetuity...
not like people...
people just died...
they just upped and died...
and what, after all, had she been left with...
when all this 'abandonment' was said and done?
a big, fat platter of nuthin'...
That's what was left for her...
(Good for the waistline, to be sure!)
but BAD for the heart...
How would she make her way
through the tangled webs of 'capitulation' and rhetoric ?
HOW ?
and so....
she brought an orchid...
for the hostess Du jour would be able to cling to its steadfast ness....
to its 'loyalty' even....
"Enough with being left out in the cold", she thought,
as she ascended the steps of the hostess's brownstone....
Inside it would be warm and 'golden' and safe...
and it would smell of pumpkin muffins
and the fragrance of lightly 'dripped' Channel ...
mmm......she so loved NOVEMBER....

on friendship....

how can we know for certain that someone is a friend ?
that they wish us well?
that they would move far beyond
their own comfort zone
 in order to insure our well being?
is that then the criteria for 'friendship' ?
does one need to "lay down their own, actual life"
in order for "us" to feel loved and worshipped ?
is WORSHIP part of friendship ??
yikes!!
its a provocative topic..to be sure...
one with myriad levels of synchronicity
 and bio-rhythmic patterning...
how much does one need to prove in order to
earn the title of 'friend' ?
is it possible that WE have pushed the envelope a tad too far,
in our pursuit of being 'friended' ?
how can we know?
where does RECIPROCITY fit into this equation?
it's puzzling and somewhat alarming as well.....
to look back and see just HOW FAR
 we've floated from the shore...
from safety...
for there are sharks and barracuda swimming out here...
and the guppies and crabs who were once our friends...
are now simply casualties of LOVE and WAR...
groping to keep from being eating
by Magellan or some other far off, 'shore guy'...
and so it goes....
thoughts ?

ya gotta be IN it to WIN it...

I think its safe to say that,
in order to
"get the gold"...
one needs to extend themselves...
far beyond one's own, particular, comfort zone...
meaning that...
 we can EASILY be the ""ARMCHAIR Quarterbacks""...
sitting on the sidelines and making
guesstimated judgments and pronouncements, etc...
or.....
we can get out there...
on the front lines....
prepared for battle...
expecting, with every grain of our BEING...
to SUCCEED....
to WIN...
its that simple really...
and I'm not 100% certain why some of us
CAN
 and others just simply
 CAN'T...
but i do feel strongly that it is incumbent
upon those of us who possess the
 ABILITY to
 ACHIEVE GREATNESS...
to DO SO...
without guise or guile or superfluous innuendo...
okay....
that's all i got, Citizens...
read it and WEEP....:}}
SHABBAT SHALOM
xo

there were lines of people....

lines and lines around the block.....
they were clamoring to get in...
pounding their fists and punching and kicking the others standing beside them..
they were DESPERATE to get into the building...
i mean, they were beside themselves !!
and it was pouring !
and there they were..
getting drenched...
getting soaked to the bone....
just to get in !!
the 'ONE' who was purported to be in the building...
he was really supposed to be something...
they raved about his wisdom, his prophesies...
they couldn't get enough of him...
some even followed this 'swengali' around the world...
sleeping at roadside stops...
just in order to catch a 'pearl of wisdom'...
just to be in the airspace of the great GURU.....
so...
after all...
what was a little water in the face of such GODLINESS ?

energy vampires....

We've all been in situations where a person will appear...
with DARK, weird energy....
we can feel it IMMEDIATELY...no question...
and the longer that we stay in close proximity to this person...
the more we feel somehow 'raped'....invaded upon...
this 'permeation of our space', of our energetic field,
 may not come in the form of words...
these kinds of "energy vampires" can be much more subtle in their attack...
(although frankly, I'm not at all sure that they themselves are aware of how
BLACK and intrusive their energy actually is.)
the WORST thing about being attacked by an ENERGY VAMPIRE
is that they can literally ZAP one's own happy,
yellow aura...
and replace it with the 'yuckiness' that THEY HAVE TO LIVE WITH
every day....
Here is some advise on how to ward off these sabotaging creatures:
1) VERY, VERY IMPORTANT !!
    Create,
 with your 'intention',
a coating of essential TEFLON around your entire body.....
(approximately 6ft in each direction)
If you can do this well,
 (and it takes some practice),
the vampire won't even come near you to begin with,
as he will be quite repelled by the protective aura surrounding you..
**notation...the coating must surround everything...
even going upwards,
6ft from the TOP of the head .....
AND
6ft beneath the soles of the feet!
(LOL....I have this on EXCELLENT authority!)
2) Here's the thing...
these ill-wishers can be quite crafty and charming..(not always!)
be very aware of any physical or metaphysical
reactions you may experience in their presence....
ie. goose bumps, hair on arms rising, heart beat accelerated,
 or just a
feeling of malaise in their presence...
3) RUN !!!
And i do mean RUN immediately upon feeling any or all of the above !!!
PROTECT YOURSELVES.....
and your offspring !!!...

I'm wondering about Thanksgiving...

Having coming from a family where both my parents were survivors of Auschwitz, I have often
considered the meaning of this particular holiday. My parents had always told us to be very, very grateful to be in the US, as we were living in a nation of FREEDOM. And further, that we would always, somehow, take this "state of freedom and liberty" for granted. And these words stayed with me throughout my life.
So fast forward to today. My country is being governed by a president who seems rather reluctant (to put it mildly!) to give ALL of us our freedom. Or rather, to ALLOW us to continue living with our freedom.
Clearly, Mr Obama appears to be HELL BENT on the 'Muslimization' of the United States. This, unfortunately, is evident in virtually ALL of his decisions, actions, etc. With this increasingly alarming state of FLUX, I'm wondering whether THANKSGIVING need take on a different kind of meaning to us, as Jews, as citizens of the free world, etc.
One cannot help but imagine a Thanksgiving table in future years, surrounded by overly draped
women and turbaned men, smoking Hashish and the likes. Eating schwarma and other similarly
'unfamiliar' , neo-Thanksgiving foods. In this disconcerting scene, there is a DONKEY standing in the room, next to the table, and two men are carrying the carcass of a cow on a LARGE ROTISSERIE
pole.
YIKES !!
Just saying.... .

at thanksgiving...

Bad Charisma: A Fictional Memoire

we remember times past....times of another color....another texture...
black and grey....and rough to the touch....
times that were not as cozy and multitudinous as NOW...
as serene and sanguine and ORANGE as TODAY....
hence....
WE GIVE THANKS....
for upward mobility....for having kept "hope alive".....(lol)
for Diet Coke with a 'twist'...
and as the cranberries are in full bloom....
and as Macy's balloons reach crescendo in height and mass.......
and as the masses are still somewhat dumbfounded...
by our VIRTUAL Admissions.....
candidly, we move forward....
and the "Jone's" of yesteryear can keep their stock portfolios at bay...
for we are the ones bathing in a bay "of pigs"....
will Santa clause be wearing a KIPPAH as he shimmies down the
chimneys of the "utterly mortgaged" homes ?

truth hurts......

Bad Charisma: A Fictional Memoire The ones who take the MOST offense are ALWAYS, but always, the ones who feel that piercing ring of
'truth', stabbing them on the inside. It's basic, human nature i suppose. We fear and loathe that which is
disarmingly 'familiar'. And yet, we literally inhale and ingest the feverish concepts, deeply into our lungs and s...tomachs. And then we become nauseous and insenced by the RAW quality of the truth, having settled cozily into our inner cavity.
What is it that we are searching for? Is it not TRUTH which we pine for? Are lies and false innuendo
more 'comforting' somehow? Are my readers sure to find FAULT WITH ME, the 'humble' 'blog mistress'?
Simply for pointing out that which is nesting conspicuously upon our NOSES?
Just sayin...

i couldn't sleep...

an overly stimulated mind
and a sublime level of happenstance were to blame...
not to mention the strangely, troubling man....
I KNOW !
it's ALWAYS A MAN, right ?
is that what you were gonna say ??
at the root of EVERY concerning,
contemplative MOMENT
is a MAN...
maybe so...
but my ROOTS arent gonna show up on the
altar of 'shame' quite yet!
no sirrreee...
i got things to do...places to go...people to see...
and so...
i couldn't sleep...
how did i manage before?
why is everything so DAUNTING NOW?
are the stakes higher ??
are the STEAKS higher ???
yes...yes...
the price of kosher meat has elevated to levels of
absuridy and banal tomfoolery...
AM I RANTING?
a cocktail could be good about now...LOL
GOOD SHABBOS, my loves...Bad Charisma: A Fictional Memoire

I saw a ray of light today...

Bad Charisma: A Fictional Memoirewhile meandering upon my path...
a light SO PROFOUND that it took my breathe away...
and in this moment,
I KNEW,
beyond the shadow of a doubt,
that GOD was extending His hand to me....
CLEAR AS DAY....
an 'ethereal'hand...
all I need do is continue my perpetual climb upward..
and finally,finally...
I felt safe...
finally,
I felt WHOLE....in a way that was new,
and yet somehow 'familiar'....
I cannot appropriately relate this 'event' to you...
no description will give it justice....
suffice it to say
that I hope and pray that YOU,
one day....
will experience that which I experienced TODAY...

He SCREAMED and SCREAMED...

and carried on in such a CRAZY manner...
that she found herself,
yet again,
SHAKING HER HEAD...
she wondered what went on in that mind of his...
that WEIRD, FRENETIC mind...
he'd been calling incessantly for the past several hours...
over and over....in a manic way...(no question about that!)
WHEN WOULD SHE BE FREE OF ALL THE CRAZINESS ?
how could she extricate herself from the toxic and laborious scenario??
DID SHE HAVE TO PAY FOR HER ""SLIVER OF TIME""
 WITH HIM
FOREVER ????
come on !!
i mean....the punishment clearly did not befit the crime !!
ENOUGH !!!
she'd HAD IT !!
she would CHANGE HER NUMBER !!
she would go, voluntarily,
 into the WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM !!
for surely...
SHE HAD WITNESSED ENOUGH to qualify her !!
okay...
just one more cupcake, WATSON...
now THAT would assuage the ANGST...
the sugar would FIX EVERYTHING !
at least she had a plan, right ??

Who can predict how things will play out ?

And the couple walked into the room, looking as if they'd never missed a beat. One would have guessed that they were still married, from the oddly familiar repartee between them. Ahhh....

Relationships were a complicated business. One could, quite literally,forget all that had gone before...the pain, the betrayal, the sheer acrimony of just a 'short while ago'. For in the midst of the turmoil and the angst and the ever-undulating, gelatinous MESS, were two, lonely hearts.

Simple as that. Two irreparably, broken hearts, still beating with the 'tiny' glimmer of hope that somehow, somewhere, things would 'work out'.

We fight very, very hard, in order to hold our BANNER of PRIDE in place. We carry that CHIP upon our shoulders as a TROPHY, even. For in some perverse way, our very DIGNITY lies within the depths of our veritable LOSS.

We are a complex bunch, human beings. We need LOVE in order to survive really. And yet, that LOVE ends up tearing us apart. We are effectively,"damned if we DO and damned if we DON"T".

And even the "couple" lost themselves in the familiar moment. But something was amiss.

It appeared that they were no longer, in point of fact, that same couple, the amorous, volatile

twosome they'd once been. Time had moved passed their 'coupling' season, and had sent them in vastly different directions. They simply extended hands, and they bid eachother adieu.

xo

I was out and about today...

and had occasion to see how SPECTACULARLY the trees have segued
into REDS and YELLOWS and  Caramels...
SIMPLY DELECTABLE !!
God's earth is one of constant, GLORIOUS surprise and poetic WAX...
and even though we can PREDICT how the seasons will FALL out...
year after year....
how they will look and feel...
ie. colors, shapes, etc....
I am constantly and profoundly at a loss....AGAPE...
at the sheer magnificence surrounding me....
so...my friends...
when life has gotten you down....
when you are convinced that your best moments are behind you....
that BEAUTY and GRACE have somehow
"LEFT THE BUILDING"..
THINK AGAIN....
walk outside....
the magic is upon you....around you....even inside of you...
just tap into it...
without superfluous fear or apprehension rejecting the notion...
INHALE the VERY autumn....revel in the splendor...
FEEL WHAT I FEEL....
make some hot chocolate....
get out your COZIEST, cashmere sweater...
its not behind you at ALL!!!
its right there....
IT'S RIGHT HERE....
served up to delight your senses....
on a platter of  PUMPKIN and PLATINUM....
....

shame on YOU...

for not allowing OUR love to grow to its full blown capacity...
you made a mistake, MR...
you followed your brains and NOT your loins...
for your loins would SURELY have led you back to me...(guessing!)
WE WERE SOMETHING, boy...
let me tell you....
and the WAY in which we 'communicated'(lol)...
i can still feel the vibrations...
i can still remember those shattering moments of crescendo...
i can even SMELL the aftermath of events gone awry...
YES....
I'll give you ONE MORE CHANCE to remind me of the 'source'
of it all....
don't show up with armfuls of flowers though...
OH, NO....
come to the door with your sorry hat in your hands...
AND BEG ME TO TAKE YOU BACK...
it could work....:}}

I've been thinking about 'my people'...

Having been recently cast, head-on, into the proverbial 'limelight', I have had occasion to really
notice a few things about 'US', as JEWS, collectively. We tend to react FEVERISHLY in
somewhat 'benign' circumstances, taking virtually EVERY statement, comment, etc PERSONALLY. It is as if we've been PERPETUALLY attacked.
Our indignation is almost palpable in nature. We, 'en masse', seem a tad 'angry', 'defensive',
'competitive'. What's this about? Is it historical ? Is it in our DNA ?
Understand this, people, when I speak about JEWS, I speak first and foremost, of MYSELF.
After a lifetime of walking around with the 'boxing gloves' on, it may be time to
"CHANGE THE SCRIPT" a bit. And what do the 'others' know that we don't? I'm referring to the Buddhists, the Taoists, etc. Or....Do these others simply PREACH the 'good word', but
behave with the same, human, indignation as do the rest of us?
(talking the talk, but NOT walking the walk). How can we move past this angry behavior? How can we get out of our own, obstinate ways ? Rise above the fray, if you will. Let's consider how to actually enter into 'the light'.
I don't mean to sound posthumous and corny. I'm really very serious about this. We can behave in a decidedly more ELEGANT FASHION. There is no question about this. How can we begin to
emerge as a kinder, more 'patient' people?

Thoughts?

and she told the butcher...in no uncertain terms...

"to take his freakin' ducks...
and shove them up his ASS...."
WHAT NERVE !!!
the butcher was suddenly 'too big for his own, bloody 'britches !!
and seriously....his food kinda SUCKED...
honestly....
one HAD to draw the line SOMEWHERE !!!
RIGHT ??
am i right ??
and so....
and so....
she would get into the HUMMER...
and drive across town...
to the 'other' butcher...
the one who would be THRILLED at such a 'windfall'...
and that was that,  Shmulick...
there were SO many more ways to "SKIN A DUCK"...
and whatever.....
they'd have FLANKEN for SHABBOS....
that could work....

and they chewed on 'duckling' al'orange...

and they played scrabble...
and they watched old 'Adam Sandler' flicks....
and their feelings of over-the-top 'WHELMING ness' subsided...
as they roosted , quid pro quo,
in the armpit of East side matriculation..
and as the lone helicopter made its
 Umpteenth circle around the stadium of Hogs...
the lesser of MANY evils began to search for 'other prey'...
for it was precisely this kind of NESTING that repelled the parasite
far away from here....
and so....
the banjo in the back of the coat closet...
was once again, brought to the forefront of all that is 'COZY'...
as the mother lioness continued to stir the cauldron of
SOUP for the SOUL....
And, please GOD,
 the cub's scrappy throats would be all better by morning...
hence,
alowing KINKO'S , yet again, to appear on
the menu of
DAYTIME PROCLIVITY.....
and so on....

Have you ever been so completely inundated...

by MINUTIA,
and OBLIGATION,
and veritable,
 "to-do LISTS",
 that you found yourself unable to breathe?
that you literally BECAME PARALYZED
by the 'over-stimulation' of it all ?
Have you ever worked VERY VERY hard for something...
and had it ultimately come to FRUITION...
only then to be FLABBERGASTED by its existence ??
Can you relate to what I'm saying ??
Have you wanted to climb back under the covers...
NOT FROM EXHAUSTION, mind you...
but from the "sack of BRICKS and MORTAR"
that you feel...
 has been hoisted upon your LONE, TINY SHOULDERS???
its a conundrum...
to watch that which you've YEARNED FOR....
manifest....
and to then be unable to "OWN IT"....
oyyy...

BAD CHARISMA by Toby Gotesman Schneier

(excerpt from BAD CHARISMA)

     This story is wracked with loss, grief, and the attempt and singular desire for ascendance and illumination. It explores the underworld of organized religion. The corruption, the abuse of power, the misappropriation, the politics, and the ‘unseemly’ and secretive relationships.

available on AMAZON or through me personally @  tsgo@nyc.rr.com

ENJOY !!!!

xo

Toby

there are moments....

when a mother's love for a child...
is SO PROFOUND,
 that it actually hurts....
when the child's tears or embarrassments 
LITERALLY become embodied
within the pit of her own womb ...
when she feels the child's pain so acutely,
that it causes her to double over in agony...
this kind of 'sympatico' is virtually IMPOSSIBLE to relate...
and frankly, I'm not so sure that ALL mothers have felt what I'm describing....
bottom line....
a mother's love for her child is a delectable gift from 'on high'....
cherish it....
wrap yourself in its silken puffiness....
lucky are you for having been given the grand ability to LOVE...

on Sundays...

here's the thing about Sundays....
i constantly find myself torn between 'relaxing' and 'DOING EVERYTHING'...
this is particularly an issue if you're a SABBATH observer...
because the Saturday has been somewhat 'scheduled' for you...
'pre ordained', if you will...lol
and this whole scenario is further complicated when you have a young child in the house...
because of the enormous measure of guilt that you feel when the child is not 100% entertained from Sunday morning,
 all the way through to Sunday night...
only to be compounded by the guilt of
'NOT ALLOWING THEM TO REST'
and running them hither and fro...
on this day off from their grueling school schedule...
are you feelin' me?

ya wonder...

what motivates a 'naysayer' ?
there's one in every crowd...
the one who's NOT REALLY happy for you...
who secretly wants you to fall....
so that she can pick you up from off the floor...
(like Munchhausen syndrome)..
she wants to be your savior, for all to see...
but she can really only LIVE WITH HERSELF when you are down...
so....SHE KICKS YOU....
with that snakeskin boot of hers....
but you've got Teflon around you....
she doesn't crack a dent....
these "ill wishers' usually come with BLOND HAIR...
platinum blond, to be exact...
drugstore, platinum blond....lol..
BUT...
THEY DO ""NOT"" HAVE MORE FUN !!
they generally live in RENTALS, even though they're quite old....
they could never actually
 "keep up with the cohens!"
they are a miserable and sorry lot....
always trying to build themselves up...
upon the backs of others....
a repulsive way to appear 'large'...
"wish them well, regardless", you say ??
plllllleeeease...

NOT the art of 'self' sabotage !

but rather...
the art of SABOTAGING OTHERS !
what's up with that ??
people seem to be not only INVESTED in bringing others down,
but 'HEAVILY' INVESTED therein...
WHY ??
JEALOUSY ?
ENVY ?
BOREDOM ?
MALICE ?
what would make a person wish BAD LUCK upon another person ?
i suppose, if the 'other' has done something to hurt them or disrespect them or even scorn them,
then on some level, the bad feelings would be understandable...
but what of the person who just visits bad wishes upon another for no reason at all ?
it happens EVERY DAY, my friends...
what can we DO with these 'ill wishers' ?
i suppose the paramount thing  NOT to do,
 is to ENGAGE in their LOW 'tomfoolery'...
a very tough challenge, even for the 'ASCENDED'...
thoughts ??

he walked into the house....

it was dark....
weirdly dark.....
every light was off.....
THEY YELLED, "SURPRISE!!!!!"
he was truly shocked....
he'd assumed that they'd just overlooked his birthday this year...
get this...
he had his corduroy jacket slung over his shoulder...
and as he went to put it down, it fell out of his hand to the floor....
and the 4 condoms in his jacket pocket fell out as well....
by this point, the lights were "HOLLYWOOD BRIGHT"....
he froze.....
BUT HIS WIFE FROZE MORE....
in fact,
the WHOLE FREAKING ROOM WENT SILENT....
dammit!!
he'd been SO STUPID......SO SELFISH>>>>>>>
he looked up at his wife...
her lovely , blond hair, especially coiffed for the occasion....
tears of humiliation running down her cheeks....
his friends were so embarrassed.....
his daughter ran from the room......
there were balloons and banners with his name on them.....
he felt like a PIG.......
why did he constantly need those hookers ??
why wasn't his gorgeous and loving wife enough ??
what the HELL was wrong with him???
he turned on his heel.....and he walked back out the front door...
too stupefied to deal with this DREADFUL situation...
he got in his car....
he could feel his heart pounding in his chest....
maybe he would go and visit one of his 'girls'....
YES !!
and that's what he did....

reflections of a woman.....

in the mirror of my mind's eye....
i see a hint, a glimmer, of something past...
a color...lavender....etched into my memory bank...
a scent....
the "REFLECTION" of the SCENT of LAVENDER...
gorgeous...
impossible to replicate..
no anthropomorphic term can give it credence ...
and i reflect....
upon those 'lavender moments'...
regal and mystical and aristocratic.....
with a twist of 'irony'...
with a twist of MY PARTICULAR brand of ironic repartee....
thankfully...
there is a mug of hot chocolate...with whipped cream and sprinkles...
waiting for me by the fire....
and of course, MY LAVENDER slippers....:}}
there is beauty and bounty among the embers after all....

How many cooks does it take...

to actually SPOIL THE BROTH ??
how stimulated is TOO STIMULATED ??
How many CHASSIDIM does it take to hold the REBBE's picture ??
LOLOL
we run around like chickens and goats without heads or feet or
CENTERS...
yes !!
WE RUN AROUND WITHOUT CENTERS !!
and then....we find ourselves DEPLETED>>>>EXHAUSTED.....
in search of our CORE...our CENTER.....
hmm...the court is on CENTRE STREET !
(Freudian ??)
what makes us run in such a frenetic manner ??
is it possible to accomplish the SAME and MORE even, without
the silly and superfluous 'stuff' ?
can we become well oiled, more efficient machines ?
with less time wasted ??
why do we spend SO much time travelling from point A to point B?
HOW CAN WE SIMPLIFY ??
CONSOLIDATE ?
HONE ?
Thoughts, HORTENSE ??

she trusts everybody...

what's up with that ???
one would think that she's had just about
ENOUGH life experience to
KNOW BETTER...
but she continues to travel onward,
clueless as to the agendas of the naysayers and false prophets...
and then....
amid uncertainty and 'UN resolve'..
she meets her TWIN !!
and she knows it from the second they lock eyes !!
and the TWIN knows it too !!
the ONLY difference between the two damsels...
is that the twin totally GETS the "don't trust people" thing....
so here's hoping that the girl will learn from her mirrored counterpart....
how to navigate the troubling and perverse waters of
the FREE WORLD...