The roses were left in a long white box on her doorstep....

The box was tied with a silver, taffeta ribbon....
She arrived home from work...
walked up to the door....and saw it there....
She picked it up, wondering what was inside...
It was such a BEAUTIFUL box...
She opened it when she got in...
There were 2 dozen of the MOST GORGEOUS,
orange roses she'd ever seen....
The orange was the color of FLAME somehow...
spectacular really...
clearly VERY expensive...
The card was short and simple...
It read, "I Love You, American Girl..."..
There was no signature...
Something about this mysterious gift and this short, cryptic card
made her shiver....

TRUE Story !!! When I came to New York at 18...

my Dad, (rest in peace),
told me VERY SPECIFICALLY...
NOT to go UNDERGROUND...
meaning...NEVER, but NEVER, take subways, mass transportation, etc...
and I adhered to this advice pretty strictly...
So...
I took taxis or walked everywhere I went....

Fast forward a few years....
I'm in my 20's now...
living on the Upper West Side....
It's a beautiful, summer day...
and I've just finished a  dance class some 30 blocks from my apartment...
I've been in New York for about 5 years at this point....
and my father's staunch directions have faded into the back of my memory bank...

I see buses going up Broadway....
and I figure it's time to "bite the bullet"...
so I get on a  bus for the FIRST TIME EVER...
and I take a seat for what promises to be a quick, 10 minute ride...

THIS REALLY HAPPENED ....

Not 2 minutes after I step onto the bus,
a guy with a SHOTGUN in full, frontal view gets on it too....
He immediately yells out,
"I'm gonna SHOOT every single one of you today !!!"
I remember sitting there with my life flashing before my eyes...
like a video camera....play by play....reel by reel....
I can remember,
as if it were yesterday,
 my father's haunting words coming back at me....
I remember being frozen and sweaty....
and trembling and crying.....
There were maybe 5 other people on the bus...(all terrified)..
But I had chosen to sit in the front....
The first passenger the guy laid his eyes on.....

Well...a team of police officers showed up to try and talk the crazy sniper down off the bus...
I remember that it took them a LONG TIME to convince him not to shoot us.....
(what seemed like an eternity)...
I got off the bus after that...shaken to my core...
Needless to say,
 I NEVER TOOK MASS TRANSPORTATION AGAIN....
True story !!

Seriously.....The Guy is Driving Me Crazy !!! an Ode to AVROMI.....

He makes me get on the phone...
(in THIS millennium!)
(Have you EVER ??!)!
He makes me look at TONS of videos and links...
and he tells me that he'll WAIT on the other end of the line...
'til I'm done watching them !!
(no pressure there !}
He takes up SO much of my time !
and yet...
and yet...
I must say....
He gets me thinking about things which I have previously had ZERO patience for !
He opens my eyes to POSSIBILITIES...
to POTENTIAL...
even on some level....
to GROWTH....
I think perhaps...
 after all is said and done...
that the guy may actually BE ONTO SOMETHING !
Nonetheless...
I 'un friend' him...
and then I 'friend' him again...
and on and on....
and we jump through hoops...
although I'm not 100% sure of WHO is doing the jumping !
But still and all...
He makes me accountable...
He has me contemplating...
MOVING...
and....
lo and behold....
THERE ARE 2 CHECKS IN THE MAIL ALREADY !!!
hmm...
Perhaps I have underestimated him....

(for Avromi)

The Heart Wants....

We can hem and haw...
and negotiate and consider...
And we can make lists of desired attributes and characteristics....
and PROS and CONS...
and we can really be willing to compromise in order
 to insure some sort of weirdly abstracted future...
But in the end of the day....
in the VERY end of the day...
the heart simply speaks a language of its own...
And BELIEVE YOU ME...
IT NEVER LIES....
NEVER...
It pays no attention to bank accounts or eye color or developed ABS ....
The Heart could care less what one does for a living
 or how frequently ones teeth have been bleached...
If only we can learn,
 before the dawn,
to LISTEN....
to listen closely to the voice of our heart....
a strong, melodic, and resonant voice.....
For it certainly does appear to KNOW that which we do not....
or rather,
that which we REFUSE to recognize....

She had just arrived back from Italy...

She had been on a business trip there....
What was supposed to be 5 days, had been extended to 14 days....
(to her extreme dismay)..
and she missed her man like crazy....
He had been so aloof ....really FINE....about her staying longer...
Something about this cold reaction had made her nervous or wary or something....
So she had attempted to leave him countless voice mails,
but his phone seemed not to be taking them////..
Hmmm...
And to boot, that actress, ex girlfriend of his had moved back to New York....
She'd actually read about it during her long wait,
 in some 'rag' at the airport..
Now understand that she'd been involved with this guy for over 3 years...
Heavily involved...
But you know...
WE ALL KNOW....
when something's up....
We can feel it just beneath our skin.....

She hailed a cab....
fixed her makeup and hair on the way into the city....
She'd go straight to his place....
It was Sunday, so.....
What happened next would haunt her for many, many years to come....

When she arrived in front of his townhouse....
she found literally dozens of people standing there on the sidewalk,,,
with candles and flowers....
a vigil of some sort...
Her heart began to pound ....
There was a giant photo of HIM on an easel ....
What the HELL was going on ??

She asked a young girl who was sitting on the stoop in front of the house...
The girl told her that the man who had lived here had been attacked
on the subway by a group of Fundamentalist Terrorists...
(in broad daylight !!!!)
There had been 6 people in this particular car on the train...
(ALL JEWS, as it happened...)
2 had even been wearing head coverings (Kippot) ...
They had been literally ASSASSINATED by the Islamists......
and then the murderers  had blown themselves up...
along with the bloody bodies of the JEWS in the train....
There were no real remains to speak of....

She lost her breath....lost her balance...
fell onto the sidewalk in front of the townhouse....
and WEPT there,
lying on the ground......
for hours and hours....
until finally she passed out cold....

All signs pointed in the same direction....

but yet, she couldn't seem to help herself....
She ONLY wanted the things that
RANG TRUE for her...
They just seemed NOT to ring true for anyone else!
LOL
What was up with that ?
Was she perpetually in "self-destruct"mode ?
Or...
Did she simply LOVE the EXCITEMENT ?
the UN KNOWING ness ?
And who was to say that HER way was the WRONG way ?
I mean....seriously...
Were THEY any happier than she ??
Decidedly not...
right ?
What had made her like this ?
Everyone she knew, after all, was so SETTLED down...
and GOD only knew,
she'd made a big stab at trying that !
She just ultimately couldn't HACK the HUM DRUM ery....
the routine..
the SAME ness....somehow....
After all....she was an ARTIST....
(we can always chalk it up to that!)
quite TAKEN with her 'craft' really....
with words and imagery and ROMANCE and COLOR...
TRUCKLOADS of COLOR....
 She was essentially
 sottered to the 'edge' ...
She had to chuckle....
If they ONLY KNEW....
Her myriad experiences seemed to be always,
but always...
 iced with sweet, creamy, marshmallow happenstance....
and then sprinkled with magical, golden, fairy dust ....
Well...
after all...
They didn't need to know EVERYTHING, right ???
I mean...
She and GOD were pretty tight....
And is there a HIGHER COURT than that ??

Are They Crying WOLF ? or....Is It REAL ?

How do you know....
when you've become SO ACCUSTOMED to the whining and complaining....
whether 'their' most recent lamentations are REAL ?
I mean...Yeah...
THEY ARE REAL ALRIGHT!
You can certainly HEAR them...
LOL
But are they worthy of listening to ?
or....
Is it more of the same ol', same ol'
 lamenting and crying about
'their' life not being a
 "BIG FREAKIN' BOWL OF CHERRIES?"
Am I being clear ?

Let me explain...

We all know SOMEBODY who just LIVES to complain...
Right ?
and unbeknownst to even ourselves...
we've built up a kind of WALL ...
so as not to constantly succumb to their 'ever-familiar' manipulations, etc...
Right ?
So....
What if...
THIS TIME...
they are REALLY and TRUELY in TROUBLE ???
Its the "boy who cried wolf"...
over and over...
and when FINALLY...
the kid was being EATEN by the wolf...
NOBODY CAME !

just sayin'....

on FAITH....

The conversation was heating up,
 as the opposing views collided in RED and BLUE and GREEN technicolor...
One said sadly, "I've LOST my faith.."
The other said, "This is precisely the moment where your faith must KICK IN...."
and on and on....
The concept of 'faith' is clearly
NOT based in Empiricism or Any Manner of Physical Evidence....
Au contraire...
Faith is an innate belief that ALL WILL BE WELL....
that ALL WILL HEAL....
Faith cannot be backed up with equation or summation or
within a "petri dish"...
There is no SET SOLUTION to ANY of life's myriad quagmire and dilemma ...
What I can say, with UTTER assuredness...
is that
GOD EXISTS....
That the essence of GOD is in EVERYTHING....OMNIPOTENT....GRAND SCALE....
that religion is most certainly NOT a PERFECT SCIENCE...
But that ultimately, it provides us with everything that we need.....
JEW, CHRISTIAN, all the same really.....
wrapped in a different shade of pink...
Shabbat Shalom....
and have a SPLENDID and FAITHFUL Memorial Day....

And the Green Candle Continued to Burn...

its flame dancing in a magical way...
The beautiful, dark man had done it again...
He had waved his magical wand...
and EVERYTHING had begun,
immediately,
 to SHIFT....
She felt somehow SAFER....MORE PROTECTED....
in his presence....
He was never far off....
He who danced by day...
and 'cast' by night...
(with the exception of Tuesdays)....
Tuesdays were a bit of a "wild card".....
And the calls IMMEDIATELY began coming in...
and the interviews were scheduled with ZEAL....
and MOVEMENT was achieved...
And that's it...
That's all i got...

It's Day 1 of the "90 Day Challenge" !!!

and I'm PSYCHED !!!
This is NOT just about weight...
This, my friends, is about EVERYTHING...
Lifestyle,,,,Health,,,,Stamina,,,,,Willpower,,,,,
Dedication,,,,Commitment,,,,Ambition,,,,
Mind you, 3 months is a longggg time...
A mandatory part of the program is to "write down your goals"...
(in detail!)
to REALLY think through what your life aspirations are...
what they CAN be....
even, perhaps, what they SHOULD be...
and it got me thinking about the age old,
"EXISTENTIAL DILEMMA"...
and about PURPOSE...
And at the end of the day...
Where do you want to BE ?
How can you GET there ?
These 90 days will be SO MUCH more than just a diet.....
I know this already...
They will surely bring about  much more than just physical and mental well-being....
These 90 days will affect an essential and monumental opening of the
portal to a COMPLETELY NEW DIMENSION...
I will keep you posted....

So this guy creates all this panic around his prophesy...

that the world is coming to an end...
And of course, we all scoff at the old 'gangsta'....
and at his ridiculous proclamations...
And the world certainly DID NOT end...
(cuz I'm STILL HERE BLOGGING !!)
So...
The thing that's causing me to 'raise an eyebrow'...
is that all these NATURAL DISASTERS have occurred...
(these FATAL disasters!!)
pretty much at the same time that the prophesy was slated to come to fruition....
So what exactly is going on here ?
Is the face of this old coot somehow being saved ?
Was he actually predicting something REAL ??
Is it just weird coincidence ?
I mean...he DID seem so certain...
Thoughts ?

She stood there....looking at the river...

 childhood memories overwhelming her with that nostalgic, bittersweet feeling
of days gone by....
long ago...
Her parents had been so young.....
full of life....
They had gone fishing and apple picking and out to dinners...
She remembered,
 just then,
the sound of her mother's hearty laughter filling the air with 'joy'....
For some reason, this particular spot in the new neighborhood..
reminded her SO much of those times...
Two Hasidim walked by....
Carrying their blue, velvet pouches....
Within those pouches were housed their Tefillin : Phylacteries....
and their Talaisim: Prayer Shawls....
This, too, gave her a twinge of familiarity....of nostalgia....
It was GORGEOUS outside....
and the promise of things to come...
was blanketed over everything ...
as if it were the ICING atop a moist piece of RED VELVET cake...
Her cousin's acerbic words hung somewhere just beneath that magical, silver blanket....
tarnishing the sweetness....
"They SPOILED you terribly!", she had said...
"You've never had to work for ANYTHING!"
"Everything has always been given to you at your beckoning!"...
The words had stung her....
Apparently they were meant to do just that....
Or perhaps the insulting words were placed there....
just in front of her nose....
in order to 'engage' her in OUTLANDISH contemplation and retrospection..

Bad Charisma: A Fictional Memoir

Are We COMPLETELY Set in Our Ways ??

It occurs to me these days...
that WE are not nearly as 'negotiable'...as 'compromising'...as ''..."malleable"...
as WE would like to think WE are....
Ultimately...
We are STUCK, or so it seems,
in that same old...same old...
PATTERNING....
Is it learned ?
Is it genetic perhaps ?
Is it CODED, SCRIPTED into our DNA ?
Can we ALTER the rut of our own routine ?
Do we even WANT to do so ?
"How's that workin' for ya?"
Good question!
Great question ?
Perhaps we need to examine...
carefully...
how the redundant, repetitive, habitual behavior in our lives...
is REALLY affecting us.....
My humble suggestion is that the affects are, for the most part,
ADVERSE....even DESTRUCTIVE....
How then ,
does one change the 'pre ordained' , 'pre destined' patterning ??
WHERE does one look for help ?
Why are we SO THICK when it comes to our own SHORT SIGHTEDNESS ?
And once we DO see it...
where do we go from there ?
Contemplating..... 

It's VERY, VERY hard to believe....

that people are actually putting STOCK in anything that President OSama....
(oops!!!...
OBAMA!) is saying.....
There was a man who used to CONSTANTLY advise me
 NOT to have such HUGE EXPECTATIONS of the people around me...
He went on to say that,
 "They will never be as QUICK or as SHARP or as LOYAL as YOU, TOBY..."
"and you will FOREVER be DISAPPOINTED in them for it..."
and I would essentially scoff at this ADVICE....
But I'm here to tell you that HE WAS 150% CORRECT in his statement....
People, in general, (especially AMERICANS ?), are really SO DAFT....
They don't see this "slick and sleazy" guy for what HE IS....
and they are BURYING THEMSELVES as a result of it...
and unfortunately, BURYING "US" along with them....
And IF, by some INSANE chance,
this HEATHEN is RE elected....
I swear to you, as I live and breathe, I'm OUTTA HERE....
Even EUROPE is sounding more appealing at this moment...
and WE ALL know how THAT IS !!
The GERMAN JEWS who stayed in GERMANY...
paid a VERY HIGH PRICE for their ignorance and sheer naiveté....
They paid with THEIR LIVES...
and I KNOW....
I KNOW...
that this is HISTORY repeating itself....
perhaps it's a different COLOR.....
perhaps it's a different ERA...
even a different MILLENNIUM....
BUT I KNOW THAT THE USA WILL REGRET MISERABLY HAVING ELECTED
""BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA"....
Put THAT in you PEACE PIPE....

This just in !!

Sources behind the scenes in Pakistan tell us that
BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
  and HAROLD CAMPING
are planning a MASSIVE FUNDRAISER
at the compound of the "late" OSAMA BIN LADEN....
There will be LEMONADE served...
""NUCLEAR ARMS FOR IDIOTS"" SUPPORT GROUPS...
and FALSE PROPHET BUMPER STICKERS given out...
The coveted item,
 "I EXPERIENCED THE RAPTURE ON SATURDAY,
  AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS F**KIN' TEESHIRT"...
will be part of the Goody Bag received upon committing to a
 VERY LARGE and ILLICIT DONATION......
They will be raffling off SCUD MISSILES and ANTHRAX...
Apparently,
This A-LIST PARTY  is a  "MUST ATTEND"....
(for any student of SENSATIONALISM and CRYING "FIRE" IN A CROWDED THEATER)...
This is Toby Gotesman Schneier...
Bringing you the most UP-TO-DATE news....

I'm gonna go out on a BIG, LONG LIMB here...

and say, profoundly,
that "It looks like a gorgeous, peaceful day here in the Tristate area....
IT DOES NOT look like today will be OUR LAST DAY on earth !!
just sayin'...
I watched the old guy last night,
being interviewed....
with his proclamations and warnings....
What I did NOT know is that he's been WRONG before !!
I personally think that he's gonna look like a HORSE'S ASS by 7 pm tonight,,,
But that's just ME...
LOL
I also noted all those people he's bringing with him on his "WEIRD MISSION"///
something about "Noah's Ark"...
So....
He's saying that we can SAVE ourselves ???
Am I being completely DAFT here ??
cuz I don't GET what he's TRYING to do....
BEWARE OF FALSE PROPHETS, Broheems...
The voice of GOD is right there....(inside your heart)
TAP INTO THAT....
and remember this....
The ONLY thing worse than a young sensationalist is an OLD sensationlist !
YUCK.....

All this HOO HAA about the "end of the world", coupled with the PRESIDENT'S DANGEROUS STAND on ISRAEL...

makes me want to just THROW MY HANDS UP IN
 BEWILDERMENT and CHAGRIN and UTTER FRUSTRATION....
Consider, for a moment,
 the HUGE statements and "prophesies" and DECLARATIONS
which are being CAST into our ATMOSPHERE at the veritable SPEED OF LIGHT...
What the HELL???
What are we supposed to do with ALL of this GIGANTIC INFORMATION ???
Will we EVEN be here TOMORROW at 6 PM ???
Can somebody offer some comfort ??
Some SANITY ??
Are we supposed to then turn the EXPLOSIVE conversation back to
breakfast cereals and GARDENING ???
REALLY ???

Letter to President Obama from Rabbi Haskel Lookstein....

Dear President Obama,


I am deeply concerned about your speech yesterday in which you, in effect, urged Israel to begin negotiations with the Palestinians from the starting point of her 1967 borders, which means the 1949 armistice lines.

As a negotiating strategy, this means that it is merely a starting point and that the Palestinians will start from there as a minimum negotiating position.

In addition, such a peace agreement, if it ever materializes, will leave the State of Israel in an indefensible position in the face of a Palestinian Authority – Hamas coalition whose fundamental position is the elimination of Israel.

Your unforgettable remarks in Sderot before you were elected President, and concerning which I spoke to you at the National Prayer Service marking your Inauguration, are ringing in my ears. You said, “If anyone were shooting rockets into a home where my children were sleeping, I would make sure that they could never do that again.” Imagine the Israeli families in Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, and throughout the heartland of Israel, whose houses will be rocketed if a “peace agreement” is premised upon indefensible borders.

The three most important principles in any negotiation between Israel and its sworn enemies are:

1) Defensible borders
2) Unconditional recognition of Israel as a Jewish State by the Palestinian Authority – Hamas Coalition
3) No withdrawal of Israeli forces until the above two principles and the issues of Jerusalem and the “refugees” have been resolved.

Respectfully,

Rabbi Haskel Lookstein

Mr Obama....pitted, yet again , against Israel....

I am ,
frankly,
SICK and TIRED of this antisemitic heathen
garnering ANY MODICUM of respect from ANYBODY...
What were YOU thinking when YOU voted for him ?
Did YOU have a BLINDFOLD on ??
Were YOU on CRACK at the time ??
Were YOU in  a state of pre MENSTRUAL DELIRIUM perhaps ??
Is it OK that you've RUINED the world with your SILLY, LIBERAL DIATRIBE ???
with your absurd notion that EVERYONE is EQUAL and entitled to a VOICE ??
GGGRRRRR....
I am OFFICIALLY DEMOTING you from the status of LEFT WING CITIZEN of the USA....
To the essential CULPRIT of ALL that is WRONG....
Take that, and whine about it....(IN CANADA !!!)

So...the end of the world...

on Saturday at 6 pm...
That there's a TALL ORDER...
and yet...
one cannot help wondering about the veracity of the prophesy...
Here's my question....
If this is indeed TRUE....
and as such...
there is definitively NOTHING we can do to stop it...
Why then...
Do we need to KNOW about it ??
You see, in Judaism, there is ALWAYS a measure of repentance
 that will, done in earnest,  TURN the situation around....
But as I understand this one...
There is absolutely NO WIGGLE ROOM...
So...
What's the point of telling everybody ahead of time ?
I would love to hear some answers from my Christian friends...
I'm really pretty LOST on this issue....

Well.....I've got 90 days to PROVE that I CAN DO THIS !!

This is so kewwl !
A challenge that stimulates your BODY, your MIND, and your WALLET !!
I'm so psyched to get going on it !
THIS IS NOT AN ADVERTISEMENT !
This is,
 as per usual,
my own stream of consciousness on this particular morning...
I fully expect that 90 days from now....
I'll be 15-20 lbs lighter....
My family's health will have GREATLY improved...
My own cholesterol will have been reduced....
And I will have successfully created a consistent, new stream of income for myself....
I KNOW....I KNOW....
this sound like one those corny infomercials....
BUT IT'S NOT !!!
New Yorkers are going crazy over the "90 DAY CHALLENGE"..
I'm just really excited about this new chapter in life !!
By all means, email me @ tsgo@nyc.rr.com  to find out more !
**one notation....
The fact that I have found a way to HELP other people....
to IMPROVE "greatly" their quality of life...
This is SO SIGNIFICANT to me....
I cannot even express it with the level of satisfaction I'm feeling already!
Please reach out....
I'll fill you in...
xox
ps   Dont worry !  I won't beat you guys over the head with this!  LOL   I promise !!

A very KEWL new way to get to THE PROMISED LAND....

Sometimes the thing which we've been most ardently searching for
 is RIGHT THERE....
just in front of our "allergy-infested noses" !
All we need really do is LOOK....ad ACCEPT...
This ACCEPTENCE can require more than a MODICUM (Mike Kilanski!)
 of letting go....
letting go of our ARROGANCE....
of our distinctive ways of "dropping people and things which pose complication"...
letting go of the vastly unsuccessful,
yet "seasoned",
KNOWING ....
which we've become so attatched to...
This is, of course,
all well and good ...
(the contemplation of such a SIGNIFICANTdetatchment)...
HOWEVER....
 putting this heightened aspiration into practice
may be somewhat painfully DAUNTING...
I suggest to you that...
GROWTH is IMPOSSIBLE without a GREAT measure of DISCOMFITURE....
of DISCONCERTION...
Seriously, guys....
I'm NOT trying to be PLATO here...
just speculating....

Caught in a web of Minutia and GENERAL BRICKETY-BRACK...

In Yiddish they call it "NARISHKEIT"....
In Hebrew they call it "SHTUYOT"...
All in all...
It's the ABSURDLY MINDLESS level of insignificant HOO HAA that  both
LITERALLY and FIGURATIVELY
CONTROLS your day to day life!
Silly, little, green and red creatures
 who continue to
STAND IN YOUR WAY...
(thumbing their noses!)
in the most sublime...
or seemingly INNOCUOUS of situations....
AT THE BANK !!!
AT THE POST OFFICE !
In the SUPERMARKET!
IN TRAFFIC !
ONLINE !
At the Doctor's office...
In the Pharmacy....
Need I go on ??
I will remind you.,yet again,
of the MICHAEL DOUGLAS movie where he SHOOTS the
clerk at McDonalds for having run out of CHEESE for his BURGER !!
We must practice ENORMOUS amounts of PATIENCE...
Yiddish...ZITZ FLEISH....
Hebrew...SAVLANUT....
in order to FEEL ascended and calm....
Do you suppose that the DALI LAMA speaks Yiddish ???
Is it possible that the McDonalds clerk was shot for working in an UNKOSHER establishment ???
What if it had been a HALAL stand ???
Limitless questions for your esteemed perusal and contemplative query...

Time to Re assess...

In the midst of our CEMENTED stance...
we tend to OVERLOOK the fact that EVERYTHING IS FLUID...
that no assessment is without caveat of "time/space"...
Hence...
The ENLIGHTENED few...
know full well that it is of CRITICAL importance to constantly
RE ASSESS our position...
For it is ONLY with a LARGE modicum (oxymoron!) of negotiability
that we can,
even remotely,
keep our Egos in some measure of
HUMBLE check...
NEVER,
 but NEVER,
 become SO UNMOVABLE in your position,
that you lose sight of HUMAN imperfection....
For if this is to occur....
You will surely lose your OWN way through all mired and murky circumstances....
The ILLUMINED ONE knows
FULL WELL
that GREAT ness comes from ENORMOUS amounts of
 ADAPTATION and COMPROMISE....
Having said ALL of that,
by all means,
STAY COMMITTED to the things which you BELIEVE IN ....
Contradictory, you say ??
or
Rudimentary perhaps??
Faith must SURELY TRUMP Negotiation...
Heady stuff for a rainy Monday morning, right ?

There stood a man....

just next to the opening of the Holland Tunnel....
with only a backpack and a guitar.....
He stood in that precarious space on the yellow lines between the lanes of cars....
There were policemen everywhere...
But noone seemed to notice him or bother him....
He had deep scars on his face....
and it appeared that one of his ears was missing!
But the really captivating thing about this vagabond...
was that he was INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL....
almost like an ANGEL or something...
There was an ethereal glow about him....
otherworldly really....
And then it occurred to me that the cops and the other people weren't bothering about him...
because they COULD NOT see him !!!
Only I could !!!
I got chills....
He was surely some kind of divine vision....
He smiled at me....and winked....
And I knew for CERTAIN that something celestial was happening !!
He motioned to me to get out of the car.....
and I did so....
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OPENING OF THE TUNNEL !!!
amid all that crazy, ruthless traffic !!
As I stepped onto the street....
at the very moment that my feet touched the ground....
the ground seemed immediately to transform...
to something "cloud like"...
soft....fluffy....
It gave me the entire sensation of FLOATING....
Suddenly I was "No longer in Kansas, TOTO!"...
I was in a kind of meadow.....
with grass and tundra all around me...
WEIRD ....
Had I died ???
Was I dreaming ??
The beautiful MAN with the guitar was next to me...
(I couldn't SEE him, but I FELT him...)
difficult to explain....
There were trees...
With cherries and peaches hanging from them....(together!)
I awoke abruptly then....
 with the keen scent of peaches in my nostrils !!
and there were a cherries on the pillow next to me....
What had just happened ???

Bureaucracy and such...

Why do you suppose that they call 'it'...
RED TAPE ??  
or they say...."Sorry, Miss, but my hands are TIED"...
Here' my suggestion as to the coining of these terms for BUREAUCRACY......
When you are stuck in the bureaucratic maze....
you feel as though you are being BOUND and GAGGED by such
THICK and COARSE ropes....
that you are LITERALLY BLEEDING from the abrasion !
(Hence the RED!)

Example....
You deposit a check into your ATM.....
Day after day...as you 'check' to see whether its been cleared yet....
you encounter a HOLD on the check...
AN INEXPLICABLE HOLD....
You then call the 800 number that they've suggested to you for 'help'....
and they put you through from ONE BUREAUCRATIC STATION to another...
You finally hang up...
out of sheer exhaustion...
and realize, to your HORROR....
that you've been on the phone for OVER TWO HOURS !!!
and the check is STILL ON HOLD !!!

Another example....
You order cable TV for your AGED MOTHER....
They give you a date for installation of 3 WEEKS from NOW....
You tell them that this is an IMPOSSIBLE amount of time
 for an old woman not to have her TV working...
They tell you that it's the EARLIEST available appointment....
and as you shrug your shoulders in defeat, you take the appointment...
The 3 weeks pass in slow motion...
and finally the day comes for installation....
Your mom waits inside her room ALL DAY LONG...
but they never show up!
You are INCENCED....
You call the cable company, and the robotic announcement tells you
that the wait time to speak to an operator is 40 minutes !!!
YOU WAIT...
ggggrrrrr......
FINALLY, a very young person comes on the phone....
You tell them, with a great deal of agitation,
that the cable people never came...
and your "poor mom" waited all day....
They look up your order....
and tell you that it was INDEED "CANCELLED" !!!
you tell them that YOU NEVER CANCELLED IT...
that your mom's been waiting for almost a month !!
and they tell you that the NEXT AVAILABLE APPOINTMENT is...
ya ready ??
DECEMBER, 2012 !!!!!!!!
You start to yell at the VERY YOUNG person....
and they HANG UP !!!

Did you ever see the Michael Douglas movie, "The Game" ??
where he is sent on one futile mission after another....
and he finally cannot take any more....
As he stands in line at McDonalds, he is told that they are all out of CHEESE
for his CHEESE BURGER order...
He pulls a gun out and shoots the McDonalds clerk !!

ahhhhh....RED TAPE....

GORGEOUS DAYS !!!

filled with Spring time sunshine,
emitting that magical yellow and orange and green light....
alongside PURE ROMANTIC, NATURE-DRIVEN ENERGY....
Gorgeous days !!
warm but not HOT yet....
comfortable but not that LAZY,SLEEPY haze yet...
DRY and HAPPY and EFFORTLESS days...
Would that LIFE could be so EFFERVESCENT and SIMPLISTIC....
So BLESSED and CRISP and CLEAN....
as these DECISION-FREE days.....
Organic days....
with glistening children and gleaming, freshly washed cars....
and dogs re entering the scene after BEAR-like hybernation.......
Would that EVERY DAY were as whymsical and poetic as THESE days....
Hmmm....
Wouldn't that be something ?

She lived in New York....

and He lived in London...
And they could hardly breathe without one another....
Nonetheless, his career kept him in Europe...
and hers as well, compounded by her "obligations" and "family",
 kept her on the Eastern Seaboard...
And so...
the "lovers" agreed to TRY IT....
to see whether the LOVE that they shared could endure the vast distance....
the infrequent visits...
She tossed and turned night after night....pining for him....
He paced the hallways of his home for hours and days and weeks...
FRUSTRATED....LOVE SICK....
It was a very difficult time....a sad time....
an IMPOSSIBLE situation....

And then one day in late May....
he received a letter from his corporation,
congratulating him....
and announcing that he was being PROMOTED...
and that the new position would be in NEW YORK !!
He sat down and CRIED like a baby !
tears of JOY and DISBELIEF...
He decided to SURPRISE her !!
The job would begin immediately....
He would fly out tomorrow and APPEAR on her doorstep in the evening..
after she'd returned from work...
and tell her in person !!
He would PROPOSE right then and there!!
She'd be THRILLED !!!

The next day he arrived at JFK, still in disbelief at this incredible turn of events....
He took a cab immediately to her apartment..
She would definitely be home by now.....
He was SHAKING with the anticipation of seeing THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE
and delivering the SPLENDID NEWS !
He listened at the door...
He heard the stereo playing a romantic song...
He knocked....
What happened next would stay with him, literally,
for the rest of his days....
The door was opened by his younger brother....wrapped only with a towel around his waist....
HIS BABY BROTHER !!!!!
The two men stood FROZEN, SILENT......
She then appeared to see who was at the door....dressed in just a man's shirt....
clearly wearing nothing underneath....
SHE WAS SHOCKED !!!
She began CRYING and PLEADING immediately....
His brother was SO ASHAMED....he could not even look him in the eye....
He turned on his heal, hailed a cab back to JFK....
headed back to London...
called his company....
and told them, flat out,
that he refused to leave his current position....PERIOD.
He NEVER SPOKE to either of them again....
The picture of that scene would be etched in his memory for the rest of his life....
He died some three years later....
of a BROKEN HEART.....

on Mothers....

When you're little...
They DRESS you...
and FEED you...
and READ to you...
and TUCK you in at night....

When you're a bit bigger...
They COMFORT you....
and PREPARE you....
and COACH you....
and ENCOURAGE you...

When you're a teen ager...
They get ANNOYED at you...
and NAG you...
and tell you to CLEAN UP your room....
and FORCE you to do homework....
and ENTERTAIN your friends....
and WORRY about you....

When you become an adult....
They WALK you down the aisle....
and they CRY over days past....
and they BRAG about you....
and they HOPE and WISH for you....

And when YOU become a MOTHER....
They ADMIRE you...
and HELP you....
and BABYSIT for you....
and the LOVE that they feel for you is SHOWN in the way that they treat your child.....

And then when MOTHER grows old.....
You NURTURE and FEED and DRESS her....
and WORRY about her....
and the world continues to SPIN on its AXIS....

What would YOU be without your MOTHER ?
WHERE would YOU be ?
Who would YOU CRY to ?
Who would YOU BLAME everything on ?
LOL

In honour of MY MOTHER......
with Great Love....

on BLOCKING our own Happiness.....

What is it, do you suppose,
that makes people LITERALLY stand in their own way ?
What sick, twisted gene takes over just as we are on the PRECIPICE of success and Happiness?
(mind you, NOT NECESSARILY "MONETARY" SUCCESS whatsoever!)
Is it CONSCIOUS ?
Are we ultimately not SUPPOSED to be HAPPY / SUCCESSFUL/ SATISFIED?
Is it BENEATH US somehow ?
Vulgar even ?
After all, what IS happiness ?
Is it the feel of a Man's sweaty skin brushing up against our own ?
Is it the smell of freshly baked muffins on a freezing, cold day ?
Is it that FIRST look at a our newborn child ?
OR....
Is HAPPINESS simply a feeling of satisfaction ?
of Comfort ?
of Security ?
What of those people who prefer to live on the EDGE ?
WITHOUT security ?
Is that HAPPINESS ?
Is EXCITEMENT a factor in a happy life ?
UN predictability ??
Why do we continuously BUCK UP against our own feeling of WORTH ?
of the ENTITLEMENT to lead happy existences ?

For Example:
Take a man who has been married for, uhh, 7 years, let'say....
He has a GORGEOUS and LOVING wife....
wonderful, healthy kids....
a great job....
He was parented beautifully and in a wholesome way...
But yet....
One day...
HE CHEATS with his secretary...
Just like that!
WHY ?
What suddenly SNAPS ?
and makes him willing to risk his ENTIRELY SECURE and HAPPY LIFE ??

There are countless examples of this same kind of scenario..
this PUZZLING kind of behavior..
Where does it stem from ?
Are we SELF DESTROYERS ?
Thoughts ?.

What a GORGEOUS DAY !!

and the FENG SHUI is alligned to a tee...
and one can literally feel the SACRED SPACE between the moments....
that tiny bit of grouting juxtaposing the BLUE and WHITE  tiles...
The air has a feeling of SOFTNESS...of CHARM....
THIS must be where GOD lives....
in the connective tissue between the clouds and the overall atmosphere....
FORGET POLITICS for today !!
Toss out the worries which sit constantly and feverishly upon your shoulders....
AND JUST LET GO !
 FEEL THE RYTHM of time....and space....
as the Sabbath QUEEN prepares to enter the abode....
Primped and Bejewled....
Shabbat Shalom.....

Questions and more questions....

If a thing doesn't sit 'right' with you...
If 2 plus 2 does NOT equal 4....then WHAT DOES IT EQUAL ???
What does this mean ?
Are you paranoid ?
Are you PSYCHIC ?
Is the thing that's nagging at you sitting RIGHT THERE in front of ALL of your NOSES ???
Are you FRUSTRATED as HELL that nobody sees what you see ??
ggggrrrrrr........
You need to SHAKE THEM, WOMAN !!!!
to awaken the sleeping lizards and frogs from their slumber....
WAKE UP, AMERICANS !!!
Don't take EVERYTHING at face value !!
QUESTION ALL OF IT !!!
Where are those damn PHOTOS ??
WHY is the body floating somewhere in the SEA ???
Why was there a MUSLIM SERVICE ??
What is going on here ???

And there, at the bottom of the deep, blue sea...

the corpse landed.
decapitated.....dismembered....
Photos of THAT ???
ehhhh....
So we are FORCED to move ahead with some semblance of 'blind faith'....
HOPING against hopes,
that the body  TRULY belonged to HIM !
Doubts ??
Fears ??
Retaliation ?
Don' be SO SURE, people !
It wouldn't be the first time that the world was DUPED by a PRESIDENT...
Right ?
Am I right ??
I mean...
wouldn't this be the ULTIMATE TRAP ??
just thinking out loud.....

And they hibernated for a bit....

and they pretended that the cold, cruel world was NOT an imminent REALITY....
and that the RADICAL DEMAGOGUES were perhaps "'at bay'" for the moment...LOL
and they hung onto the concept
that FIERCE SHARKS and SLUTTY MERMAIDS and BLOODY ,VESTAL VIRGINS
 were all dancing and stomping around a bag of bones and gut rot...
and that THE MALIGNANCY was cut out for the moment...
YES..
..THEY PRETENDED....
for the realities were quite the antithesis of the fantasy.....
They ate FALAFEL and HUMMUS in honour of the twisted times....
Strange and POETIC times...
and policemen lined the avenues and the thoroughfares....
blowing their bells and whistles in some delusional stab at POWER....
The rain swept down upon them in sheets of torrential debauchery....
and they looked for GOD EVERYWHERE....
Where was HE hiding on this strange day ?

So....Bin Laden dead.....(Is it REALLY OVER?)

and of course, people are dancing on GROUND ZERO....
and celebrating this monster's demise....
(not to mention the fact that HOLOCAUST REMEMBRANCE DAY falls at the same moment...)
(I'll get back to that!)
So...
What does this mean?
this destruction of a man who sought to OBLITERATE us from this earth...
'Us' being Americans...Israelis....Jews....etc.
We FINALLY GOT him some 10 YEARS after the fact...
What do we really  know of the 'goings on' with his disciples, cells, etc?
Do we have any information ?
Why did this take SO LONG ?
How many followers did the man have ?
WHERE ARE THEY TODAY, pray tell ?
It is SO TYPICAL of Americans to rush to the conclusion that IT'S ALL OVER NOW....
when, in point of fact,
it was THIS very CAVALIER attitude of ours that got us here in the first place !!
I'd be VERY CURIOUS to take the TEMPERATURES at the MOSQUES today...
see how THEY FEEL....
What happens now ?
OBAMA becomes the HERO ?
OSAMA becomes the MARTYR ?
Why are their names so eerily similar ?
Is it at ALL possible that there's some GRANDSTANDING going on here?
Who are the villains NOW ?
What are the similarities between HITLER and BIN LADEN ?
Is it a coincidence that it ALL happens on the same day ?
Is there a DIVINE MESSAGE that we're missing ?
Chew on that for a bit....
and get back to me ....

One more thought on Holocaust Remembrance Day...

The memorials....The commemorations....
Yad Vashem, etc...
People traveling across the world to SEE and actually STAND IN AUSCHWITZ...
People ogling the striped, "prison uniforms" behing the glass encasements...
There is something that's always bothered me about this concept...
Let me try to explain...
I think 'NEVER FORGETTING' goes without saying....
OF COURSE,
the world can and will NEVER FORGET the heinous otrocities,,,,
the mass extermination...
the IMPLOSION of the world as we had known it...
OF COURSE....
But it seems to me that there is a certain
 'sensationalism' surrounding the HOLOCAUST as well...
I suppose it's really much like other historical events...both good and bad....
People tend to GLORIFY the occurances...
to make money from this very glorification..
And the victims and their families just kind of melt
into the landscape of SORROW and DEBRIS and COMMERCE....
Let me contemplate....
I will continue to try and formulate this message...
Please feel free to add YOUR thoughts....

I AM GODDESS XREBBETZIN: Unbelievable....The GERMANs are 6+ months late....

I AM GODDESS XREBBETZIN: Unbelievable....The GERMANs are 6+ months late....
Worthy of repeating...
on HOLOCAUST REMEMBRANCE DAY....