And these "outsiders"...

continue to infiltrate this "once lovely" city....
and I SWEAR to you that the entire place,
from Riverside Drive to East End Avenue...
smells like a big, Freakin' HALAL stand !!
And NO !
It most certainly is NOT the same as KOSHER !!
Oh, NO !
That is a misnomer of outlandish proportion...
And getting out of 'MECCA' seems like the ONLY plausible solution to the "ISLAM DILEMMA"...
and one can feel, palpably, the Sharia Doctrine ...
permeating the landscape of the "once-ELEGANT" town....
of the "once-SAFE" (albeit a fantasy!) metropolis....
And BERGDORF GOODMAN has BURKAs in their windows ????
Wake up, NEW YORK !!!
Word to the Liberal fools who continue to bury us further with their silly,
 dangerously vehement diatribe.....
"HE WHO DIGS A HOLE FOR OTHERS....
ALWAYS END UP IN THAT HOLE HIMSELF!"

Are our responses 'scripted' ??

It's been pointed out to me recently...
that it's POSSIBLE that my reactions to varying situations have a STARTLINGLY SIMILAR
SCRIPT......
that I have, unconsciously, programmed myself to assign this particular kind of REACTION
to ANYTHING that feels WRONG, DISAPPOINTING, and/or MALICIOUS..
When in point of fact, NOT ALL behavior that goes AGAINST my grain...
is actually INTENTIONAL....
although SOME clearly IS....
In the end of the day, however, it appears that this BLANKET reaction of MINE...
has elicited the SAME, EXACT RESULT in virtually EVERY one of the scenarios...
(regardless of culpability of the perpetrator)
Fascinating...
So what would happen...
were I to simply CUT this reaction, in its entirety, OUT OF MY LIFE ?
Would the act of CUTTING then MIRROR that replicated reaction yet again ????
We are peculiarly simple beings really...
Were this "scripted" thing brought to light...(and ratified)
would we then find that OUR GIGANTIC bag of emotions, emissions, etc..
was really just a Small and Puny knapsack....
with only 2 or 3 different behavioral equations to choose from ?
Would it then become plain as the nose on our face....
 that we've been following this SCRIPT that somebody or something LONG AGO set in motion ?
and that it MAY NOT be the desired course of ACTION after all ??
Hmmm....

A Profound and Succinct Silence Fell Over the Auditorium....

They were ALL in shock....
The announcement had taken them by complete surprise...
To the extent that they weren't even able to cognitively process what had just happened...
These two people.....the 36 year old,female TEACHER and the 18 year old boy/STUDENT had gotten MARRIED ???
YESTERDAY ???
WHAT ???!!!
Noone had seen the slightest sign of impropriety or ANYTHING for that matter !
And they stood here now in front of an audience of their "piers"....
(albeit DECADES and STATIONS apart!)
Teachers, Staff, Parents, Students.....
This was still HIGH SCHOOL after all !!!
The Headmaster was completely and utterly DUMBFOUNDED....
The NERVE of this woman  !!
To blatantly come out and turn the whole place on its axis like that !!
He wondered just how long this torrid , little (BIG!) THING had been going on...
The boy, a mere child, had just turned 18 last week...
MY GOD !!
Statutory Rape ??
His head was swimming with notions of lawsuits and the likes...
as well as Disconcerting and DETAILED ,little visions of the two of them together...NAKED !!!
Ughhh !!
He shook himself  !!
He had to think !!
Where were the boy's parents in all of this???
WAIT !!!
Wasn't the teacher married already ???
His heart was pounding !!!
His tenure !!
His reputation !!!
And then.....HE AWOKE....
right there next to his plump, cozy wife....
in his bed....
in a cold sweat....
Had this been a dream ????
Jeeeeezzz......
He REALLY needed to GET A LIFE !!

I was thinking about this roommate that I had in college...

and how I arrived in New York at 18 years old....
just a kid....
and actually pretty naive at that...
and I had this roommate...
(whom many of you know !)
and she kind of took me under her wings...
showed me everything....
was just as sweet as can be....
and I was basically alone in the big city....
Now this was Yeshiva University, mind you....
and I have ALWAYS TRUSTED people...
(obviously, to my own detriment...)
So I became BEST FRIENDS with her...
We were inseparable...
and I began to notice that my bank account,
 which my parents had set up for me....
was constantly running low....WEIRDLY low....
and I would NEVER have really pieced it together,
had it not been for this one day...
when I went to the school cafeteria for lunch....
and I paid at the register by check....
and the girl at the register said,
"YOU'RE TOBY GOTESMAN ?????"
and I said , "Yes, why ?"
and it appeared that my
"TRUSTED ROOMMATE"
 had been parading through the cafeteria as ME....
cashing MY CHECKS on a daily basis...
and I was devastated....
just earth shatteringly devastated....
That was an early BETRAYAL....
just recounting.....

And the years go by...

and the baby boy becomes a MAN...
and suddenly he's as tall as you are !!
(and you're TALL !!)
and there's bittersweet poetry surrounding the transition....
and he SO wants to remain a child...
and you realize that the ONLY alternative is to allow him to spread his wings...
to be hurt...
to be loved...
to feel his own powerful stance in the world....
to revel in the accomplished nature of independence...

And you KNOW, without a doubt...
that this MAN will be someone special....
that he has the makings of a SAGE and a LEADER.....
and you can't help wondering about the future...

and it's raining today....POURING....
and we, JEWS, say that rain is LUCKY....

and so shall it be....
that His Mazal (luck) shall be paralleled to the symbolic rain..

Happy Birthday to my INCREDIBLE, DELICIOUS boy/man....
May all good things and the light of GOD shine down upon you for all time....
Mom....

So I get into a cab today...

...headed for the rental car place....(because of the NEW car debacle)
and the driver starts saying, "Are you a MOVIE STAR???....
BLAH BLAH....
and I say, in my most elegant, "bull-in-a-china-shop-manner",
"ARE YOU A MUSLIM?"
and he says "yes.."
and I say' "How do you feel about GROUND ZERO?"
(at this point, you all know FULL WELL that I take NO PRISONERS!!)
furthermore....I dont give a SHIT about the fact that I'm alone in his cab...
In my mind, HE SHOULD BE FREIGHTENED !!
so he says, "Look....it's all politics...BLAH BLAH BLAH...."
"and people aren't familiar with the Muslim Faith....BLAH BLAH  BLAH BLAH...
and, of course, the mosque should be built there...WHY NOT ??"
And then he says something that has stuck in my craw for the last 5 hours...
He says....(I'm quoting now..),
"WE ALL KNOW for FACT...
that the nations of the world will ultimately HAVE TO BEND to ISLAM...."
"NEVER will ISLAM bend to the other nations...."
Well....WHAT CAN I SAY ???
The turbaned "schmuck" really got to me...
And I said....
"You say that this is FACT,
but do you really understand how utterly foolish and BACKWARDLY elitist you sound ???"
and after all, BUDDY,
MY people are the CHOSEN POPLE !!"
"YOURS ARE NOT !!"
"Did you steal the idea of being "CHOSEN" from US TOO...
 while you were attempting to steal our HOMELAND ????"
"ARE YOU ON CRACK ???"
and he starts to quote some scripture HOO HAA...
and I say, in a totally calm voice,
"I think that we ought to SHUT DOWN this conversation before somebody gets hurt !!"
and he goes, "buuut buuut..."
and I go, "SHUT IT DOWN, SIR!"
and he becomes silent....
and this exchange has haunted me all day......

Missy wore the pants with the diamonds...

So she dolled herself up...
in a way that was FAR beyond usual....(for missy!)
and she made that kind of curly ringlet in her hair with the flat iron...
and she even wore the pants, saved for special occasions,
 with the row of diamonds on the bottom of each leg...
and if she did say so herself....(LOL)
she looked FREAKING SENSATIONAL !!!
And off she went...(in a taxi)
(her NEW car had been hit by a lowly sniper during the night....)
ANNOYING, to say the least !
Nonetheless....the guy had given her the wrong location....
(WAS HE A FLAKE ???)
and the cab driver graciously offered to stay with her........(for no charge!)
It appeared he had a CRUSH....
ewwwwwwwwwww !!
His cab smelled like CUMIN and week old deodorant !
Needless to say,  declined his LURID offer,..,,,
and off she went on foot...
to find her potential PRINCE CHARMING...
It turns out he had given her just SLIGHTLY wrong location information....
But Missy was a resourceful DUCK...
She found it and HIM....
He was waiting at the bar....
STRAPPING...
Handsome...
Rugged..,...
TALL....
with a full head of hair !!
(and no clipped yarmelke !!)
(stay tuned !!!)

People who use the word 'SPIRITUAL' to describe themselves...

The true SPIRITUALIST has no preconceptions regarding his own 'worth'...
He NEVER enumerates his attributes or REMINDS those around him of his enormous and far-reaching VALUE....
Contrarily, he sits back...
as though a TAOIST...
and allows the NEEDS of others to come to him...
through energetic means...
and he then CONTEMPLATES the path of least resistence...
in order to aid those needy ones...
in order to assuage their pain and suffering...
hence...
heightening his own HUMAN SELF to an even MORE ASCENDED PLANE....
feeding and nurturing his "HIGHER" calling...
His religion is one of "selflessness"....
(not in a CORNY or posthumous way)...
but quite LITERALLY,
placing the needs of the planet, the peoples of the earth, the animals, all sentient beings...
the "astral and ethereal" worlds as well...
in heirarchical order...
BEFORE his own....
a Simple Equation really...
for he knows,
beyond the shadow of a doubt,
that his HAPPINESS is SOLELY dependant upon his level of service to others....
The truly RIGHTEOUS MAN considers the 'bigger picture' at ALL times....
He LISTENS to the whispered voice of GOD (SPIRIT)....
and he ALLOWS his generosity and empathetic demeanor to rise up and to
MANIFEST DESTINY...

Does Prince Charming (in a YARMULKE) Exist ?

Will he ride into town on a White horse
with the SOLE intention of meeting your every whim and desire ?
Will his Yarmulke (Skull Cap) be clipped onto his NON-RECEDING hairline,
in order to assure that it will stay in place ?
Is that HOT ??!!
Will he be packing a Kiddush cup ?
a THICK checkbook ?
a box of Godiva chocolates for YOU and you alone ??
Is it possible that, while you've been searching for his 'EPIC ness' to reveal itself...
he's been sitting right over there...
across the desk from you ???
OK....
so the trusty steed is really a "Buick"....
and the hairline was probably in tact ......40 YEARS AGO !!!!
and the chocolates were pretty much bought at the local RITE AID...
and the thick checkbook ??
uhhh....
he's got 50 bucks in his pocket to cover dinner and a movie !! (YIKES!)
But still and all.....
He makes you smile.....

so I'm driving home last night...

from dinner at my friend's house...
and I get off the FDR on second avenue....
and there's very little traffic...
but there's this car in the middle of the avenue driving, literally, 10 miles an hour...
and it's ridiculous...
dangerous actually...
so I honk at them...
and I drive around them...(not fast!)
It turns out that it's an "unmarked" police car!
The next thing I know, they are flashing their lights at me,
and telling me over a LOUD SPEAKER to
 ""pull 'the HELL' over..""
Mind you, at this point, I'm 20 blocks from home...
So I pull over and the cop gets out...
and there are like 5 other cops too!
3 in this car, and another cop car that appears !
(WEIRD!)
so I say to the guy, "What's the problem?"
because I KNOW that I did NOTHING WRONG...
and he says, "Uhhh...you were driving recklessly.."
and I go..."Dude, what are you talking about ??"
and he goes, "My name's not DUDE.."
and I go, "There is absolutely NOTHING that I did wrong!"
"All I did was drive around somebody going WAY too slow..."
"and there are FREAKING TERRORISTS out there !!"
"DO your job !"
and he goes, "Have you been DRINKING?"
and I go, "WHAT ??"
(Those of you who know me know that I'm SO not a drinker!)
and he goes, "GET OUT OF THE CAR!"
At this point, I'm getting a bit nervous because I'm alone and it's late and it's a dark, empty street...
and I've hear stories about cops just WIGGING OUT on people for no reason...
So I go, "Give me one of those alcohol tests!"
and he kind of backs down....and says timidly, "That won't be necessary..."
and I whip out this SUPREME COURT badge that I've been gifted with recently...
and he starts to whimper...
I SWEAR !
LOL
and i tell him that I will have his job for this...
and I call him a complete LIAR...
and I tell him that this is PURE ENTRAPMENT !
and I ask him,
 NO !
I DEMAND
 his name and badge number, etc...
and he's FREAKING OUT...
and the girl cop in his car is laughing...
and GET THIS !
I go over to the police car, and I look into the window...
and I say to her, "ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT THIS ?", in the most intimidating voice I can muster...
and she shuts down immediately...
At this point, I can see clearly that I'm making them VERY NERVOUS....
Bottom line....the citation for "reckless driving" somehow gets LOST...(!!!)
and he tells me just to move on...
and he's grasping for dignity....
and I wait 'til they start driving...
and I decide to MESS with them...
and I start following right behind them...
and I can SMELL their fear !
and I follow them for a few blocks...
and then they abruptly make a turn, just to get away from me !!
haha!!
Bottom line...I AM ONE TOUGH CHICK......

Hemming and Hawing...

Back and Forth..
Up and Down...
To and Fro....
Where to begin...
Where to Finish...
Questions....
Deliberations...
Quagmire...
Should I ?
Will I ?
Has it ?
Does it ?
a plethora of choices...
a cornucopia of flavors and tastes and scents...
"LIBERAL" ARTS !!
(not to be confused with LIBERAL "Shit heads" !)
lol
CHOICES !!!
CHOICES !!!
DECISIONS !!!
YIKES !!!
Can't somebody ELSE be in charge once in awhile ???
Seriously ??
The cow jumped over the moon and fell into a VAT OF KOSHER WINE !!!
The dish ran away with the SPATULA ???!!
huh ??
reconnoitering the conspicuous...
rejiggering the cemented ness....
Apples for dinner...GREEN APPLES...
moving to GREENE STREET...
little fishies swimming around in this puddle of murk and frankincense....
To what end ??
GIVE ME LIBERTY !!
ok.........
ok.....

And then...

Somewhere between the sparkling morning and the seriously WINDY afternoon....
FREEZING, COLD FEET set in...
LOL (both LITERALLY and FIGURATIVELY!)
I mean...
Was New Jersey REALLY the answer ???
Did leaving MANHATTAN mark the dawning of deliverance ???

DELIVER ME TO NEW JERSEY ???
REALLY ??

Somehow today the concept lacked that same,  rhapsodic momentum and assured STRUT...
which she'd assumed had become permanent fixtures in her psyche as well as her 'backside'
by now....
hmmm...
She did know one thing with absolute certainty..
MANHATTAN was SO OVER...
she'd have to sleep on it....

NO !!!
STOP !!!
What was she thinking ??
The new place was SPECTACULAR !!!
SPECTACULARLY INCREDIBLE !!!
Yup....
They were going, by GOD...
in a few short weeks...
MANHATTAN would never be the same without the likes of HER to kick around....
YEAH...

And as the morning sun sparkled upon the Harlem River....

..she reflected back upon those years....those DECADES really....
spent in this BUSY, DIRTY, PERPLEXING metropolis....
Had they been GOOD years ?
Yes, of course....for the most part anyway...
And as she contemplated the upcoming MOVE...
the spirit of HOPE and TRANSCENDENCE was SO ACUTE....
that she couldn't help but chuckle...
EXCITING !!!
A new life !!
Just across the river...
It occurred to her that people spent veritable LIFETIMES
 whining and lamenting about their situations, their geographical locations,
their style of living....
But they RARELY did ANYTHING to change things...
It was a bold move she was making...
OUT of the frying pan...
into the "URBAN CHIC"...
answering
, ultimately,
to NOONE but herself, her son, and GOD....
Oh, yes !
This would be an ADVENTURE !!
She couldn't wait...

I awoke with a HEAVY feeling of stress and anxiety...

had coffee...(french vanilla)...
(my favorite!)
even THAT didn't make the difference...
my eyes were red....lashes discombobulated...
I was a mess.....
I had meetings and phone calls scheduled....
the PAPERWORK was piled high....
there were unanswered messages on the machine...
unopened texts and emails on the blackberry....
I had taken care of EVERYONE and EVERYTHING for SO long...
I was just plain BURNT
and then it occurred to me...
I NEED SOME CLEANSING,CATHARTIC,  ASHTANGA YOGA!
I'd somehow lost my way....
muddled way down deep within the maze of New York's chaotic inertia...
and I'd forgotten my cherished ASANA practice...
YES...I'd kept up with the requisite pilates and the 200 ab curls every other day...
But I'd completely allowed the SPIRITUAL and EMOTIONAL
 HEALING part of my life to slip away...
so I set out for downtown...
off to JIVAMUKTI....
SCREW the paperwork !!
It would have to wait....
and I spent the next 2 hours or so....
barefoot and ENGAGED....
twisting and bending in myriad ways that I'd almost forgotten....
and my heart OPENED wide....
and as the sweat spilled off of my brow...
so did the tension....
and now...
I FEEL FABULOUS !!
and I can, yet again, approach the tasks and obligations of yesterday...
with renewed vigor and uncompromising wellness....
I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOGA !!

I saw the same, old , beggar woman yesterday....

and as I sat in my shiny, new car...
the light turned RED...
and I was right next to her...
and she looked me DEAD in the eye....
and for the first time...
I looked away...
I couldn't look into her eyes...
I was frozen...
And hugely uncomfortable...
And upon examination of my "unusually" dispassionate behavior...
I began to consider the reality of the situation...
She stands there, on the corner of Park Avenue and 85th...
EVERY SINGLE DAY,
as I've mentioned to you before....
And certainly....
while I've NEVER been one of those flip people who say things like...
"Don't give them money ! They'll just buy alcohol, etc"....
it kind of irked me for the first time...
that I'm out there busting my ass...
in order to pay the bills...
and SHE just stands on the corner of a fancy street and collects...
And then...
I began considering...."What if it were ME ?"...
and the same old questions began to bubble up to the surface...
What does it TAKE for this kind of "deterioration of pride" to manifest itself ?
Do life circumstances become simply INTOLERABLE ?
Where is GOD ?
Hasn't this woman considered a CHANGE ?
Was she someone's executive secretary just last year ???

and so on..... and so on....

and she took a BITE out of the apple...

and its red and green deliciousness oozed all over her mouth and lips....
and she was reminded of long ago holidays....
in the Fall...
when the aroma of the freshly baked, apple pie...
was SO intoxicating...
that one never wanted leave home...
and a profound and indelible sadness came up for her...
as the reel of film.... with visions of those childhood days.....
 rolled through her consciousness....
And she noticed, with a bit of a start...
that RIGHT next to her on the park bench....
was a small, red bird..
UNUSUALLY RED for Central Park...
and it was wearing a rope of PEARLS around its neck !!!
and staring at her rather intently...
She tossed the apple core over her shoulder onto the grass...
and she RAN !!!

The Magical Incense had....

....yet again....
DELIVERED....
and the pieces of that epic,
 "key lime pie"...
fell, rather "sweetly", into place....
and she emerged,
seemingly unscathed and potentially victorious...
and the embers of fantastic proposition and ethereal concoction DIED...
a natuaral death....
having so MAGNIFICENTLY performed their impossible task....
just as Debussy's "Swan Song"...(Clair de Lune)
the last melodic sound....
perhaps a tad shrill even...
just as the SHOFAR at the end of YOM KIPPUR....
declaring TRIUMPH via Atonement!!
And someone had supplied, in her absence, a RED, VELVET pillow...
upon which to rest her weary feet....
And she laid back....
and reflected upon the MIRACULOUS events of recent...
And she actually took a moment to enjoy...
the beauty and aromatic sensation of the bouquet of
Valentine roses displayed on her dressing table...

Lets talk about the soul....

In the end of the day....
when all bets are off...
and the elaborate costumes and sublime uniforms of one's life have been shed...
What will stand out as a man's true attribute?
For the color of his hair and eyes.....
and the level of fitness he's achieved....
even his intellect ....
his endeavors....
his accomplishments...
will ALL go by the way side...
And what will be left ?
Yes, his children on some level...
the legacy he has imparted therein, I suppose...
The way he LOVED ?
was LOVED ?
ehhhh...
But REALLY WHAT...
other than the essence of his soul ?
And when he is dead and buried far beneath the ground...
and his body has decayed and deteriorated beyond recognition...
His soul will continue to live on...
perhaps in another's body...
perhaps on some DIVINE, astral plane....
layers above the heavens....
And somehow...
Oh, yes...somehow...
He will continue to be accountable for his TRUE SELF....
for his NATURE....
Hardly a VALENTINE message !!
Actually, maybe IT IS !

And there were milestones....

and sweet, sweet memories...
And even though she was a bit embarrassed to admit it,
she felt GRATITUDE...
not in a corny or posthumous way...
but in the most innocent and genuine place in her heart..
Gratitude that the years had mellowed the scars of World War II that the old woman
had carried on her back for so very long...
insurmountable thankfulness that the relationship between the two,
(the mother and the daughter)
had FINALLY
 been sprinkled with CONFECTIONERS SUGAR from heaven and
oleander from earth..
so that...
there existed a kind of UNSPOKEN UNDERSTANDING....
a rapprochement....
No !
Actually more than that...
a newkind of LOVE,
 built from a lifetime's sojourn in exile...
seemingly FAR from the Promised Land....
yet somehow,
VERY CLOSE indeed....
She wished her MOTHER a very, very HAPPY and HEALTHY BIRTHDAY ...
And they blew out the candles on her mother's FAVORITE cake...
(ironically)
"GERMAN CHOCOLATE"....

It wouldn't have been such a big deal really...

..had they not already announced it to the ENTIRE, WESTERN WORLD !
I mean...
Going "public" with this kind of news came on the heels of
 much soul searching, countless hours of heady deliberation,
and DEEP, honest introspection...
So...
What can we learn from the FAUX PAS of those who've come before us ??
That...
1)You can lead a horse to water, but you can NEVER EVER make him drink !
2) That even if you've had something
 NOTARIZED, DOCUMENTED,
 and AUTHENTICATED  'ad nauseum'....
YOU STILL must leave marginal space for error and omission ...
and
3) That nothing, aside from GOD, ever truly belongs to you exclusively...
Having said all of the above...
At the same time,
be sure not to lose that sparkle which belongs only to you!
that light of HOPE and non-jaded expectation....
For without that 'ingenue' that you wear SO BEAUTIFULLY...
life ceases to have MAGIC and ROMANCE and PLAY !
I KNOW....
it's a mixed bag of seemingly superfluous advice...
but...
Don't say I didn't warn you !!

MUBARAK or WHAT ???

 MUBARAK or WHAT ???
For the first time in my adult life, I can't see clearly to "the other side".
My vision has been blurred by the subterfuge of 'recent goings on'.
This President Mubarak...
GOOD or EVIL ?
GOOD for ISRAEL ?
Or DISASTROUS ?
A friend to the UNITED STATES ?
Or a "wolf in sheep's clothing' ?
How can the 'general consumer' possibly arrive at a conclusion re: the "EGYPT SITUATION"
without conclusive information?
I will say this with utter certainty....
It is CLEAR as DAY that the WORLD at large is at a GRAVE and POTENTIALLY LETHAL impasse.
The movements, decisions, and endurable power
of either and all sides of this 'strangely confusing equation',
will SOMEHOW affect EVERYTHING in the free world as we know it.
What do you think ?
Which side do you choose ??

If you can't beat'm...

If you can't beat'm....
MOVE to JERSEY CITY !!
seriously...
How much more sludge, ice, garbage, traffic, and general ""UGH"" do we need to endure ??
..before we finally declare triumphantly,
 "I"VE HAD IT !!" ?
In this particular metropolis which I have the extreme DIS pleasure of inhabiting......
There are...
ya ready ??
800 MILLION+  RATS just beneath the streets !!!
Piles of weeks old Garbage COVERING the once-beautiful, tree lined avenues...
People in HOARDS exiting the subways with generally MISERABLE MUGS on....
a MAYOR who REALLY DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT !
Policemen meeting ticket QUOTAS in true "NAZI esque" fashion...
CRIME...
and DIRT...
and STEAM rising up from the debrited manholes...
BLAH<<<< BLAH>>>>BLAH>......
and then....
you need only drive THROUGH THE HOLLAND TUNNEL...(5 minutes literally)...
and as if it were a TWILIGHT ZONE moment...
you land on the "other side"...
and there are..
CHILDREN LAUGHING and playing on the beautifully manicured streets...
GORGEOUS PENTHOUSES for HALF the price !!
FABULOUS restaurants and cafes...
and GENERAL GLORY !!
and you wonder, scratching your head,
"WHY DID THIS TAKE SO LONG TO REALIZE ?"
and you pack up those ridiculously valuable trinkets
 which you've acquired over a lifetime's sojourn...
AND YOU HEAD OUT !!
FEET FIRST !!
And the rest, my friends, REMAINS TO BE SEEN !!

Near Grand Central Station...

Near Grand Central Station there is a small, dilapidated,residential building...
The windows are all boarded up...
there is graffiti all over it...
and there are stray cats all around it...
And nothing RESIDENTIAL whatsoever exists in this location...
So I had passed by it MANY, MANY time over the years..
without actually NOTICING it....
Yet it somehow remained embedded
 within the memory of my PERIPHERAL MIND....
And something compelled me just the other day...
to take a CLOSER look...
So I parked the car...
and I walked surreptitiously over to the seemingly abandoned brownstone...
and as I approached, I heard the distinct sound of FRYING coming from the inside,,,
and honestly, it scared the SHIT outta me !
But I was overcome with curiosity....
and my 'investigative' self got the better of me...
so I wandered around to the back...
through the sludge and ice...
and LO and BEHOLD,
there was a window....
and through the window I saw a young woman standing over some kind of caldron....
and there was a fire insde of the caldron..
and YES....she was frying what looked like DOUGH or something....
and there were rats and mice around her feet...
and she was wearing a RED DRESS....not so tattered really...
and when the cooking was done, she took the pan off of the fire...
and she motioned to the RODENTS to come and eat it !!
And they SURROUNDED HER !!!
and I was stunned and revolted by the sight ....
and she began singing and dancing....
and I just RAN and got in my car....
and drove off as quickly as i possibly could....
I'll never drive past that place again....NEVER....
and now , i fear I will dream about it every night...
the scene haunts me...

So she hit the ground running...

and she canvased the town...
avenue to avenue...street to street...
and she filibustered and considered...
and RE considered...
and attempted to avoid those annoying potholes...
and she got to know the guys at the doors...
and she slathered their palms with compensation and sugar...
and she never looked back again...
for she most certainly was FREE...
and she would carve out her own specific brand of 
'the good life'...
because she COULD...
and the fifth column...(the continuous onlookers)...
would again feel more than a bit envious...
for she had only the boundaries of her own MORAL TURPITUDE to answer for..
and she would sell "VALET" on institutional levels...
and yet again, she would be a SUPER STAR...
because she COULD...
and all of the naysayers and "cruella devilles" would follow her exploits and adventures...
for many days and years....as predicted...

Bad Charisma: A Fictional Memoir eBook

Bad Charisma: A Fictional Memoir eBook

Are they 'cyber' friends. ?

,,,or 'real' friends ?
Does it matter ?
Really ?
Is there someone out there, of  flesh and blood and sinew,
who CARES about you ?
Is it any different, in essence, from the romanticized "pen pals" of yesteryear ?
I continuously waffle back and forth on this subject...
both as a WRITER...
and frankly, as a PERSON living in this new Millennium...
Where can one find the ABSOLUTE answers to these "pressing" issues ?
Are there, in fact, cemented conclusions available ?
And what of the GUILT associated with these new cyber relationships ?
Where is that coming from ?
GUILT continues to be, at least from MY humble point of view,
a hugely, WASTED emotion...
Bottom line....
pre-VALENTINE's DAY...

ARE YOU LOVED ???
DO YOU LOVE ???

I can only tell you how it felt....

I cannot pinpoint the exact moment when things fell swimmingly into place..
i can only try to relate the feeling of calm that came over me...
gradually,
 yet ALL AT ONCE...
as if id been bathed, from head to toe,
 in pure, liquefied elixir....
healing and utterly cathartic...
golden in hue....and sweet....
with a slight tinge of honey and dandelion...
the sweetness poured over my lips and nostrils....
oozing its way, quite literally, into my pours....
and of course, the result of this 'washing away'....
left, in its wake.....
what seemed like 'limitless potential' and 'unfathomable calm'....
It would appear that I'm still radiating that honeyed, ethereal glow....
as the magnetic field around me is shockingly potent at the moment....
things and people are literally FLOATING toward me...
at lightning speeds....
But alas....I'm TOO CALM to REJOICE !

and so it goes...

I was inclined NOT to believe her...

but i DID notice that she didn't flinch...
or move...
or shuffle...
as she told me the FAR FETCHED story....
and she looked me SQUARELY in the eyes...
people can NEVER look at you when they're lying...(without exception)
Nonetheless....SHE HAD THOSE DEVIL EYES...
and that FREAKY, RED hair....pink really...
(but just cuz somebody's a FREAK, doesn't mean they're a liar !!
hmm...
Maybe they hadn' meant to TAKE the documents...
MAYBE they HAD just slipped into the WRONG HANDS...
but HOW ??
Seriously....
Who was I kidding ?
One thing was for certain in any case...
I had to get those papers back !!
At ALL costs !!
Regardless of CASUALTIES...
So...
What to do ?
Those guys who hung out at the 7/11 down the street...
They were ALWAYS looking for a BUCK...
I could pay them to go into the competitor's office
 and get the papers back...
BUT...
THE ""7/11'ers""  PROBABLY COULDN'T"T READ !!
LOL
so...THEY"D GET the wrong ones !!!
LOLOL
ok...
ok...
NOT a laughing matter...
thinking...thinking....

When you need them...

What do you think a person ought to do...
when the chips are down....
and they have asked their 'friends' and family for help...(ad nauseum)
only to seemingly fall upon deaf ears?...
Should they "lower their expectations"?
Should they, indeed, extricate themselves from these 'so-called' friendships ?
Should they 'turn the other cheek'?
Do JEWS do that ?
LOL
Or is that an entirely CHRISTIAN concept ?
What is one to do when people do NOT reciprocate with
 the level of dedication which one has so often displayed toward them?
Should they, perhaps, become more like these COLD FISH  themselves?
And not CARE as much ?
Would that type of ""ventriclicle reconnoitering"" even be possible
Desirable ??
We'd need complete rewiring !

This is a touchy,multi-faceted, and utterly sensitive topic...
with a veritable plethora of responses...
Comments ?
   Thoughts ?

He couldn't take his hands off of me...

and in the aftermath...
I kept going over and over the scene...
the utter WORSHIP that he slathered all over me...
and I kept blushing....LOL
even in the privacy of my own head !
What is it that constantly keeps me from 'giving EVERYTHING' to someone?
Why is it so difficult for me to "get intimate"?
I mean...I love the SEX...
But the "LOVE" part....ehhhh
I just don't know....
too much 'water under the bridge'....so to speak...
No entitlement, in a way...
And the men...THEY WANT TO LOVE ME...
and the moment that i get a whiff of that DESIRE to be "more than casual"...
I get all TEFLON on them...
a wall around me...
FORT KNOX.....
thick and repellent...
I seriously need some advise from a LOVE GURU....
yeah....
I'll GOOGLE  one!!

Righteous is the HE who rises above...

He who rises above all things complicated, unctuous , and seemingly unsolvable...
For it is HE who can see beyond tomorrow...
beyond the 'temporary' blindness of others...
into the whirlwind of cacophonous potential...
awaiting just outside of his DIRECT, energetic field...

The color of this HIGHLY malleable, energetic property which I refer to is BLUE...
a DEEP, sensuous, sanguine blue...
If you look just beyond what you deem to be your LIMIT of capable sight....
YOU WILL SEE IT...
I PROMISE...
Once you actually can determine its presence within your realm of ENERGY...
you then must  ALLOW it to infiltrate, if you will...
to pierce the mellifluous veil of your own, private FIELD...
(NOT an easy task!)

At the point in which you have done so...
the heart CHAKRA must be tapped into...
so that you can become, both LITERALLY and FIGURATIVELY a vessel...
in which this unlimited potential can BREW...

Sorry for the ESTERIC HOO HAAA so early in the morning !
It's NOT ALL about being a REPUBLICAN ! 

Some things I've observed about FACEBOOK...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UouP8cRYZ8


This will , most definitely, disturb many of you...
Truth be  told, it disturbs ME, even as I'm writing it...
Nonetheless, I feel it is imperative to make mention of the
 WEIRDLY DISCONCERTING
"fallout" from FACEBOOK...

So it began somewhat innocently...born of PURE CURIOSITY...
and this incredulous ability...or so they told us...to CONNECT with people from our collective past...
AND our present....
and EVEN with people whom it would be beneficial to know, in certain cases, going forward...
They said it would "GOOD FOR BUSINESS"...
And as it turns out....
THEY were 100% correct....

And so....the WORLD has carved out a space for FACEBOOK....hours even...
and they live, somehow , vicariously THROUGH this INTERNET base....
And, my friends, it would seem that people are indeed "losing their way"...

I know of one couple on FACEBOOK...who 'friended' eachother, FELL IN LOVE....
and LEFT THEIR RESPECTIVE FAMILIES !!!
GET THIS....without EVER having PHYSICALLY MET !!!
I SWEAR to you that this happened !!!
How bizarre is that ??
How DYSFUNCTIONAL ???

But what REALLY got to me was this...
I had been 'friended' by a guy on FACEBOOK, whom I knew from my adult life here in New York...
And we decided to chat on the phone....
And we got around to..."What do you do at night?"....
"What do you do for FUN?"
And his response was SO singularly honest....and so viscerally poignant...
that it never completely left me...
He said...(I'm quoting)...
"I don't go out anymore. I spend ALL my free time on FACEBOOK>"
and I was totally taken aback...a life spent sitting at a computer ???
WHAT A SHAME....
WHAT A WASTE...

And then.......The cou de gras....
 when I overheard 2 people talking the other day..
One was asking WHOM the other was "friends" with...(in REAL life!)
and the person kind of shook their head in embarassment....
Because she had NO MORE PERSONAL, PHYSICAL relationships left !!!
Her ENTIRE social life was FACEBOOK !!!

Thoughts ?

And as the dawn broke over the Hudson...

so did her keen ability to SEE that which had been hidden for SO long...
It was as if a LIGHT had, literally, been turned on in a VERY DARK room...
and there, in the distance...
 was the 'LADY'...
The Statue of Liberty...
in all of her spleniforous glory...
gleaming, even as chips fell off of her head and shoulders...
even as chips fell off of HER SHOULDERS...
the indelible chips of indignation...
for things not yet resolved...

Far be it from the 'one who cries WOLF' to veritably SIT in TRUTH...
for he hath forsaken the authenticity of collaborative minutia...
for greener pastures....

And the boats were leaving...
headed for the FISH markets on FULTON STREET...
and they were piled high with raw, HUDSON-fed , hunks of debarred, Gefilte Fish...
and the vagabond on the 'other side' held a HUGE VAT of horse radish...
in the event that the tourists would request accoutrement...

and hurried WALL STREETERS ran toward the MARKETPLACE...
in order to ""catch"" the DOW before it awakened FULLY...
in order to perpetuate the illusion of 'control'...

and the CAPTAINS of BOATs and INDUSTRY...
bid one another a SHABBAT SHALOM....

The Fascinating thing about New Yorkers....

is that, when push comes to shove...
they freaking 'hang up the towel'...
I mean...
they BITCH and BITCH about the conditions and the garbage and the crime....
and then...
this is a bit difficult to explain...
they kind of 'ACCEPT IT'...
they just FOLD....
and they continue to walk around with these MISERABLE faces...
and they go REALLY, REALLY FAST,,,,
and they practically knock each other over in their hurry to get NOWHERE...
but they SUBMIT...
like battered wives...
and the cycle continues 'ad infinitum'...
so, as an ACTIVIST...
my trials and perditious follies IN THEIR DEFENSE....
appear to fall upon DEAF EARS....
and ungrateful minds....
so....
WHY BOTHER TO HELP ??

part 2....Saving NEW YORK.....

The following are photos that were taken today....February 2, 2011....

This is the UPPER EAST SIDE of MANHATTAN....

where the average residential sale price per square foot is $1,600.

One of the photos is actually a discarded TOILET that's been sitting there for AT LEAST 2 weeks...

Way to go, BLOOMBERG!

A call to ACTION...(saving NEW YORK)

 There has been a kind of 'quiet rage'...
brewing inside of me....
deep within the recesses of my solar plexus...
and actually, moving down through my stomach cavity...
a kind of FIRE....
somewhat indescribable....but wholly prevalent...
and it has gone somewhat 'unquestioned' by me....almost 'unnoticed'...
until today...
until it came SCREAMING to the surface...

I have lived in Manhattan for more than half my life...
And although, never completely enamoured with it....
I have certainly come to respect the city...
a kind of 'detente', if you will, has grown between 'us'...
(Manhattan and Me!)...
It's an IMPORTANT town..
an ELECTRIC place...
with energetic waves continuously splashing upon its shores...
It's a the most conspicuously 'HIGH BROW' city in the world really...

And I've seen mayors and other elected officials come and go...
For God's sake, David Dinkins actually officiated at my last wedding...
And being of 'REPUBLICAN' persuasion...
I enjoyed SO the OFFICIAL' CLEANING of the HOUSE '
that was rather magnificently orchestrated by RUDOLPH GIULIANI...

and so...
When this "unknown" REPUBLICAN JEW appeared on the scene...
(MICHAEL BLOOMBERG)
I thought to myself..."OK...This can work..."
I mean, He's RIGHT WING and He's a JEW...
But after a few long years under the guise and guile and
 ""dimwitted DEMAGOGUERY ""
of this totally disgusting man,
I am here to tell you that HE HAS DESTROYED and
ACTUALLY "NEGLIGENTLY VANDALIZED" this fair city...
It is FILTHY....in a way that is quite shocking to the senses....
as if, somehow, it were a 'third world' country...
without means....
without the ability to sustain itself....to be cleaned and cared for properly...
GARBAGE mixed haphazardly with SNOW and SLUSH and RODENTS
line and malign the sidewalks and streets of the UPPER EAST SIDE ...
piled ridiculously and dauntingly HIGH...
in a DANGEROUS and unfortunately poignant ways...
making it VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE to move around...to walk...to drive...

The grace and dignity that were INDEED 'MANHATTAN' just a few short years ago,
have morphed into INDIGNATION and ANGER and PERVERSELY, FILTHY DEMEANOR...
This "so called MAYOR" has essentially IGNORED and VIOLATED his fiduciary and humanitarian
responsibilities in the form  of
""FULL BLOWN NEGLECT""...

And to BOOT....
HE, as you know, has become a kind of ICON and BEACON
to FORCING MANHATTAN into allowing the building of this
HEINOUS MOSQUE at GROUND ZERO...
a veritable tribute of HONOUR to the utter MASSACRE that occurred on SEPTEMBER 11th...
One can only wonder how EXTREMELY the MAYOR's POCKETs  have been lined
as a result of these
politics which he proudly wears as a banner of
FUNDAMENTAL LIBERALISM...

MICHAEL BLOOMBERG is a SHAMEFUL excuse for a leader...
to the point where...
NEW YORK is essentially on its knees, begging to be allowed to survive his tenure ....

This is the first in a series of my commentary on the
"FALL OF MANHATTAN, as orchestrated by MAYOR MICHAEL BLOOMBERG'"..

Tomorrow I will post photographs of the inhumane conditions ,
so that you ALL can physically see "the destruction of a great city"....

You never really know...

where your next opportunity is coming from...
so you need keep those eyes open at all times...
for in the most sublime and seemingly benign of moments...
a POT OF GOLD can literally FALL into your lap !!
as though it were DROPPED from the heavens...
just like that !
from a good, little leprechaun or a FAIRY or even possibly from a UNICORN !!
you just don't know!
God appears to send 'messengers' in all shapes and forms...
and if you're NOT looking....well....YOU'LL MISS THEM !!
and if you MISS them...
then, my friends,
you are OUTTA LUCK...
period.
and we DON'T want that to happen !
so...
KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE CEILING...
NOT on the floor!
and I PROMISE you...
as I live and breathe...
that serendipitous surprises will come to you....